Parents of Addicts Online Support Group

Friday, November 6th, 2009 I feel deep empathy toward parents just beginning the terrible journey of their child’s drug addiction — and those facing the turmoil of a next step: rehab, incarceration, dislodging the addict from the family home. These are still open and fresh wounds for my wife and me.

Following are seven hard lessons we’ve learned in our journey, all of which we denied in the beginning. We fought with ourselves and with each other about these things. It didn’t matter who was telling us the truth, we knew better, after all he was our son. We have come to accept these truths and now it is much easier to deal with the heartache and we’ve become more effective helpers for our son/addict.

(Click on Article to get full text) 

(Drugfree.org)

This is borrowed from drugfree.org. Some good reading on that site.

You think you’re helping, but I ask you, who? Maybe it’s your son or daughter. Maybe it’s your husband, wife or a friend.

You think by minimizing, denying, protecting, and loving them things will get better.

You offer food, shelter, money or anything else they need because that is what someone does when they care that deeply, right?

But “it” grows stronger. You worry, you get angry, you beg, you plead, you throw guilt their way, and you even try a little tough love. Then, things get worse. You get sick, you think about them morning, noon, and night. You neglect and ignore other important people and things in your life. To the detriment of everything else, you are now obsessed with how to help.

To my son,

I sit here with tears streaming down my face wondering what did I do wrong.  I feel absolutely helpless.  There must be something I can do to fix this horrible disease you are experiencing along with everyone who loves you. The truth is I don’t believe I did anything wrong and I know I can’t fix it. Only YOU can make yourself better.  

This rather scathing review of the evils of hitting bottom articulates some concerns that are often overlooked by the twelve-step groups.