|Member Since||06/11/2009 02:11 AM|
|Last Online||11/06/2011 12:45 PM|
|A little about me:||Hi!
I name myself Molly. I´m born in 1961 and I live near Karlsruhe in Germany. My doctors say I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia. My symptoms are hearing voices, panic attacks, paranoia and stress. I´m divorced since 2007 and have two children that now live with their father.
I learnt as a merchant in a pet store and later on worked in production department of a company that produces catheters for intensive medicine use.
In 1991 when my son was born I suffered my first psychosis. It started that I was very afraid because the baby had diarrhoe because It didn´t stand the baby milk. I went to the doc but he said that he had to have this milk. I wasn´t able to sleep anymore and after about three weeks I started hearing people talking from the walls.
I firstly thought, that my husband and my parents in law tried to make me mad but when I heard a woman talking to me through a window of our roof dwelling and saw that I also heard it outside of our flat I recognized that it had to be this special disease. I phoned my parents to keep the baby and they got an admittance to hospital for me. The time at hosptial was horrible. Haloperidol en mass.
After four weeks I went out of the hospial on my own wish and threw away the meds, because I not even was able to see correct anymore apart from the fact of the other side effects that made it impossible for me to live on like that. After some time I went back to work and suddenly felt annoyed by some of my colleagues, but somewhere I knew that it was the "voices" again. At the same time I got pregnant again. When I couldn´t bear it anymore, I quit the job and stayed at home from this time on. I went to a psychiatrist, which is my doctor up to now and was happy that he wasn´t able to give me a medication because I was pregnant. When I was in the ninth month I had to go to hospital again, because I wasn´t able to stand my husband and his parents, in whose house we had a flat, anymore. I stayed there until it was time to have my baby. Then I went into gynäkological department of the hospital. After birth of my little daughter I went home and tried to do my best with the children, the household and my husband. As I had to get up in the night, it was inconceivable for me to take anitpsychotic medication. From that on I heard my voices the whole day long for years. They insulted me and tried to drive me into things I never would do. Tey talked about me and things that happend around me. They made a mountain out of a mullhill.
I had some part time jobs as a help in a shop or as a charwoman but always was afraid, someone could notice my disease and so normally quit the jobs after a short time.
Meanwhile we had difficulties in our marriage. In first line I give guiltyness to the antpsychotic meds, that I meanwhile used and secondly to the boredomness that came into our relationship through the years. Briefly said I went antisexual. So my husband often didn´t talk to me anymore and I sank into depression.
In December 2004 it was that heavy, that I had to go to hospital. Three weeks on, my husband said that he wanted to divorce and the children should stay with him. I should not come home anymore. In that time I was so full-pumped with meds, that I wasn´t able to say anything against this and later on I thought, that it was better for the children to live in easy circumstances concerning finances and social life, than to live with a mother that never can say when she is in hospital for month again. I was in hospital for four month then. Afterwards I slept on my mothers couch until September, when I got a little roof-dwelling by the help of my sister. Then on February of the next year, I got a job in a workshop for handycapped people, where I´m still now. Besides the little money I earn there I live by a pension and maintenance of my ex-husband.
My children visit me every second weekend and I have two cats that make my life much warmer. I feel very well since I overcame the separation from my family.
Today I take 400 mg amisulprid, that makes not such heavy side effects as the older meds.
I´m sorry for my English!
|Just wanted to say hello to everyone in the schizophrenia group.
"The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible."
Arthur C. Clarke
|Hi from the schizophrenia group. Just wondering how you are all doing?
I've opened a thread for you all to let us know.
Hope you are all well.
|Hi everyone I am a new Group Leader in the Schizophrenia group! It would be nice to get to know some of you and get the group active again.
Hope you are all well.
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