2steveb gave me a Hug 06/14/2013 07:48 AM
	hiya, hope alls going well for you. im off out for a trip this sunday to an old abbey ruin should be nice. hope youve got some fun lined up for your weekend, enjoy whatever you do
dee77 gave me a Hug 06/12/2013 12:43 PM
	Hi I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Dee. I'm the new group leader for the asthma support group. If I can help in anyway just let me know. :) Hugs
leigha83 gave me a Hug 06/07/2013 04:56 PM
	"You don't have to justify anything. Being pissed off is absolutely ok." ~Tori Amos Hugs to you all!

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FEELING SO CRAPPY

My life since 8th feb has been so messed up, my daughter lost her job that meant she lost her home as the accomadation came with the job, so she moved back home, she went to see caravan (trailer) today, i paid the deposit to hold the van for her, used my food money i dont have a single penny to my name now, anyway bk to beginning, she moved home on 11th feb, we went to a dog show thjat she was showing one of her dogs in, it was hundred miles from my home, i forgot to pick up my mobile phone, (cell phone) i was not worried bout that, well when we got home i saw i had got 18 missed calls, i knew instantly something was seriously wrong, i dont get 18 calls a yr let alone one day, i got hold of my sister-in-law, and i knew when she said hold on i will get les (my brother), my father had passed away that mornin at 11.30am, he had suffered a fatal heart attack, a blood clot broke free and blocked his heart, on 15th feb there was a family meeting to discuas the funeral arrangements, but the one who is supposed to be orgamnising the funeral refused to copme to the meeting and since then has stalled everyway he can to not organise it, he was gettin my fathers pension, he also stole 16.000 pounds from m,y fathers bank account over as period of 6 months, now he is saying all us siblings (there are 7 of us) have to pay towards the funeral costs, this amounts to several hundred pounds he wants me to contribute the amount i would get in 6 weeks, i have to pay bills buy food etc with that money, i simply cannot give any money to wards funeral, i feel he stole the money he needs to pay for funeral, this is making me stressed, i am cutting lots more, not just once a day but 6-8 times, i am really not coping well, i have tears running down my face, i feel sick constantly, when will this nitemare end, i probably wont even get to go to the funeral anyway now, i will have no way to get there other than public transport and it will involve 5hrs travellin all together on the day for return trip, it will cost me a fairly hefty amount, i do not live in city i was born in, it is 63 miles away, not huge distance but when u got go by trains that involves 2 changes, and would be using 6 buses and then have a 3 mile walk each way to crematorium the buses do not go past it, so will be huge task to get there, i am not able to do this trip alone so would need to pay for someone to go with me as well, (cant see station names, and walking in areas i never walked in before(going to the crem) being blind is a big pain believe me, i feel so frustrated bout that as well just now, i am so messed up, i cant sleep, eat, etc but got to force myself to eat food so i can have my insulin, i hate my life, it hurts so much both physically and mentally, i cant see no way out of the hole i have fallen into, all i think abouit is cutting, and with the voices yelling at me all day and nite, wot can i do, i simply want to give in and let go, its again 4am and i havent slept, see another ramble of nothing that make sense, i cant do this no more, i hurt hurt hurt, it is so hard to even look at the world outside the windows, it is so so bad for me............

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