JeffDavis2134
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| Hits | 472 |
| Online Status | OFFLINE |
| Member Since | 05/05/2008 16:15:33 |
| Last Online | 11/10/2008 12:09:29 |
| Last Updated | 06/23/2008 15:12:13 |
| Rank | Member |
My Ribbon
| Ribbon | Date | Why I wear this ribbon | |
 | Green-Orange Ribbon | 05/05/2008 | substance abuse mainly alcohol and pot. Bipolar l. I think it mignt be ll. With bipolar anxiety and panic disorder, social anxiety. |
General
| Gender: | Male |
| Birthdate: | 06/22/1971 |
| City: | Tallahassee |
| State: | Florida |
| A little about me: | 36 yrs. old, entered treatment at 15 pot and huffing gasoline fumes, depression from 13 on. bad family life 11 on. (other than that had a good life up to 10) Sexually abused at 3 (remembered when 15 in treatment). Prents divorced at 16. dad alcoholic, did shocking things but avoided arrest. ( sex with my sister's friend for one! She was 15 and willing.) left bad family life for an abusive marriage that lasted 10 months. did very well 2.5 yrs. (very zealous in my faith and I now think it was hypomania followed by alcohol -to turn my brain off and reset- every month and a half or so. remarried same girl ( 3 yr old boy.) Bad emotional abuse again, lasted 3 yrs., she was lesbian as it turns out (our sex life was never intimate. she wouldn't even touch me or contribute to any intimacy, just lay there!--She must have had some disorder herself, but wouldn't admit it even if she knew and make fun of my seeking support). Somehow I remained celibate througout all of this in harmony with my conscience although I grappled with sexually deviant behaviors. Restarted A.A. in 98, becoming more and more serious as time passed. been seeing doctors since 03, when after 10 years I went back to Marijuana! I never stayed sober long enough (not even 2 months)for medications to help. Tried AA 100% whole heartedly from 05 on to no avail. I'm a bipolar alcoholic pothead and achieved mania using these two. Fellow Dual diagnosed friend from my 2nd family, he was loved like a brother, overdosed or commited suicide 1-1-06 ( i think I finally got over it this month and have accepted it.) Had some kind of mental breakdown the following month which I now believe to have been full blown anxiety disorder from his death culminating with the totaling of my car with me in it the day before. This led to severe panic ( I was also drinking and smoking) in which I was very alarmed then panicking over the fear that I was permenantly insane trapped in an OCD thought process of continous and non escapable obssessional debate with the compulsion to communicate with him ( to "figure it out" and this figure it out part scared me to death for months because AA says you can't figure it out and you'll go crazy trying to figure it out.) by compulsions. I believe that it was also or accompanied by the most severe mania I have ever experienced!!! I even had several times that complex thinking was answered by the words in a song at exactly the right time to add in with my thoughts!!! Very alarming. as i Recovered slowly I began to understand the logical explanation. I even thought at one time that dogs sensed the evil spirits. Iwas becomed afraid of them like I was during the 6 months I huffed gasoline fumes in 87. But not with euphoria, just racing thoughts and mutiple thoughts that ended within 20 minutes and I was braindead, chilled like with the flu, and fatigued. It disappeared in stages over a year and a half then came back as a tremendous after shock that landed me in detox and the psych ward in rapid succession (7-07 and 8-07) Had several severe panic attacks. The other terrible ( off the charts) attack was dying from a heart attack. I said my final prayer!!! Well $20,000 in debt and unable to care for myself My Mom rescued me 9-28-07. I moved in with her and slept and slept and slept. Re-established meds. and came to understand that I was bipolar!! It explained my crazy thinking and why I couldn't get sober. For me understanding was the key in my recovery at this point in time. I am finally getting sober (since 10-10-07). Quit a 10 year addiction to Nicotine 1-08. My conscience wouldn't allow pornography either, so I gave that up 9-27-07. Without my faith and hope I really have no idea where I would be now, a moderate chance DEAD. The bible points to a time when "no resident will say "I am sick". ( Isaiah 33:24) (you can read the bible online at www.watchtower.org . I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Love to all who have come here to find the Joy and help that comes from giving and receiving each others experience, strength, and hope. Jeff Davis "Don't you see what this means? we live by each other, for each other. Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much. This is my message of HOPE and INSPIRATION to all..." --(Helen Keller- deaf and blind [extremely alone, frustrated, afraid, without support and guidance) as a toddler up to becoming one of the first women college graduates with the help of her most beloved companion and teacher.) |
My Hugs
My Support Groups
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My Diary
| Diary Description: | This is my first entry. I have struggled immensely for the last 5 yrs. Currenly my worst difficultie are waking up, loss of interest, anxiety, sleeping 12-17 hours/day.... 7 mos. sober, still looking for right meds., seeing pdoc today, I'm trying to start back working soon. Jeff Davis | ||
| Diary Statistics: | Total entries: 1 | Total comments: 1 | Total combined hits: 157 |
| – Tuesday, June 10 2008 – | |
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8 mos. sober starting back to work, most symptoms adressed
As of today I am 8 months sober. since my last documentation I have experienced ongoing difficulties waking up stemming from Depression?sleepapnea? or...
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Read JeffDavis2134's Diary
My Forum Posts
| Recent Forum Posts | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Date | Subject | Category | Hits |
| 22 September 2008 | Are benzodiazipines safe for us? | Medicine & Treatments | 62 |
| 07 July 2008 | intro myself to you all | Introductions & Personal Stories | 115 |
| 04 July 2008 | Connection of BPD with Narcissism | General & Support | 72 |
| 24 June 2008 | Dual Diagnosis National Meeting Online 6/22/08 | General & Support | 133 |
| 20 June 2008 | New Here | Introductions & Personal Stories | 67 |
| 18 June 2008 | New Here | Introductions & Personal Stories | 67 |
| 18 June 2008 | Chato from The Bipolar Group | Introductions & Personal Stories | 96 |
| 16 June 2008 | Chato from The Bipolar Group | Introductions & Personal Stories | 96 |
| 16 June 2008 | The first step is a rough one | General & Support | 81 |
| 13 June 2008 | Chato from The Bipolar Group | Introductions & Personal Stories | 96 |
My Friends
My Articles
No published articles.
My Doctors
| No doctors added. |
My Reviews
| No posted reviews. |
