MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Online Support Groups
 
Testimonials
 
Signup for Free

MDJunction to me

kildare56"To me, MDJ is a sanctuary for people with any health issues. They may be very critical in all eyes or only in your own. Everyone needs support. Here there are no preconditions for getting that help." (kildare56)

more testimonials
JeffDavis2134
JeffDavis2134
Rank Member
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 05/05/2008 04:15 PM
Last Online 12/27/2012 11:19 AM
Gender: Male
Birthdate: 06/22/1971
City: Tallahassee
State: Florida
A little about me: 36 yrs. old, entered treatment at 15 pot and huffing gasoline fumes, depression from 13 on. bad family life 11 on. (other than that had a good life up to 10)

Sexually abused at 3 (remembered when 15 in treatment). Prents divorced at 16. dad alcoholic, did shocking things but avoided arrest. ( sex with my sister's friend for one! She was 15 and willing.)

left bad family life for an abusive marriage that lasted 10 months. did very well 2.5 yrs. (very zealous in my faith and I now think it was hypomania followed by alcohol -to turn my brain off and reset- every month and a half or so.

remarried same girl ( 3 yr old boy.) Bad emotional abuse again, lasted 3 yrs., she was lesbian as it turns out (our sex life was never intimate. she wouldn't even touch me or contribute to any intimacy, just lay there!--She must have had some disorder herself, but wouldn't admit it even if she knew and make fun of my seeking support). Somehow I remained celibate througout all of this in harmony with my conscience although I grappled with sexually deviant behaviors.

Restarted A.A. in 98, becoming more and more serious as time passed. been seeing doctors since 03, when after 10 years I went back to Marijuana! I never stayed sober long enough (not even 2 months)for medications to help. Tried AA 100% whole heartedly from 05 on to no avail.

I'm a bipolar alcoholic pothead and achieved mania using these two. Fellow Dual diagnosed friend from my 2nd family, he was loved like a brother, overdosed or commited suicide 1-1-06 ( i think I finally got over it this month and have accepted it.)

Had some kind of mental breakdown the following month which I now believe to have been full blown anxiety disorder from his death culminating with the totaling of my car with me in it the day before. This led to severe panic ( I was also drinking and smoking) in which I was very alarmed then panicking over the fear that I was permenantly insane trapped in an OCD thought process of continous and non escapable obssessional debate with the compulsion to communicate with him ( to "figure it out" and this figure it out part scared me to death for months because AA says you can't figure it out and you'll go crazy trying to figure it out.) by compulsions. I believe that it was also or accompanied by the most severe mania I have ever experienced!!! I even had several times that complex thinking was answered by the words in a song at exactly the right time to add in with my thoughts!!! Very alarming. as i Recovered slowly I began to understand the logical explanation. I even thought at one time that dogs sensed the evil spirits. Iwas becomed afraid of them like I was during the 6 months I huffed gasoline fumes in 87.

But not with euphoria, just racing thoughts and mutiple thoughts that ended within 20 minutes and I was braindead, chilled like with the flu, and fatigued. It disappeared in stages over a year and a half then came back as a tremendous after shock that landed me in detox and the psych ward in rapid succession (7-07 and 8-07) Had several severe panic attacks. The other terrible ( off the charts) attack was dying from a heart attack. I said my final prayer!!! Well $20,000 in debt and unable to care for myself My Mom rescued me 9-28-07. I moved in with her and slept and slept and slept. Re-established meds. and came to understand that I was bipolar!! It explained my crazy thinking and why I couldn't get sober. For me understanding was the key in my recovery at this point in time.

I am finally getting sober (since 10-10-07). Quit a 10 year addiction to Nicotine 1-08. My conscience wouldn't allow pornography either, so I gave that up 9-27-07. Without my faith and hope I really have no idea where I would be now, a moderate chance DEAD. The bible points to a time when "no resident will say "I am sick". ( Isaiah 33:24) (you can read the bible online at www.watchtower.org . I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Love to all who have come here to find the Joy and help that comes from giving and receiving each others experience, strength, and hope.

Jeff Davis

(Added much later) 2/3/12- I am still sober and I still struggle with life. I am happily married (finally) to someone who shares my faith, yet she has many severe mental and emotional disorders of her own.

"Don't you see what this means? we live by each other, for each other. Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much. This is my message of HOPE and INSPIRATION to all..."
--(Helen Keller- deaf and blind [extremely alone, frustrated, afraid, without support and guidance) as a toddler up to becoming one of the first women college graduates with the help of her most beloved companion and teacher.)
My Awareness Ribbons
 
 		"substance abuse mainly alcohol and pot. Bipolar l. I think it mignt be ll. With bipolar anxiety and panic disorder, social anxiety."
Awareness Ribbons
  Add as Friend  
Private Message
    Give a Hug    

My Hugs
HiddenButterfly gave me a Hug
05/16/2013 06:33 AM
a HugYou are special and deserve to be treated as such. Never allow anyone to tell you any different. For if they do, then they do not deserve to know you, much less have the right to call you a friend.
sarahtroy gave me a Hug
05/11/2013 11:18 AM
a Hug"If you keep sending away every person who challenges you, you'll never GROW. Some people are in your life to sharpen you."

~ Mandy Hale
DorisAnn gave me a Hug
05/10/2013 06:11 AM
a HugHello, To all of my friends, group members, newbee's. Sorry, I haven't been on. My cousin passed away at age 41, we were all very sadden by this loss. Please say a prayer for my family.

Now its back to you guys. I found these quotes and I wanted to share.

Hugs Dee

Remember and I thinking about all of you and wishing you the best.


Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself

– George Bernard Shaw


I have found that if you love life, life will love you back

- Arthur Rubinstein

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive

– Howard Thurman.

Life isn’t a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, latte in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘Woohoo WHAT A RIDE’!
See All My Hugs
Give JeffDavis2134...
a Hug
a Hug
a Cheer Up
a Cheer Up
a Happy for You
a Happy for You
a Prayer
a Prayer
a Salute
a Salute
a Thumbs Down
a Thumbs Down

Your message:
My Diary
spiritual progress not perfection
This is my first entry. I have struggled immensely for the last 5 yrs. Currenly my worst difficultie are waking up, loss of interest, anxiety, sleeping 12-17 hours/day....

7 mos. sober, still looking for right meds., seeing pdoc today, I'm trying to start back working soon.
Jeff Davis
TitleDateViewsComments
8 mos. sober starting back to work, most symptoms adressed 06/10/2008  339 1
Read My Diary
My Health Topics Contributions
No health topics contributed yet
My Photos
No photos added
 
My Support Groups
My Friends
My Recent Posts
My Articles
No articles published

Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
About Us | Terms & Conditions | Privacy | Spread the Word | MDJ Advocates | Advertise
Contact Us | Bookmark Us | FAQ | Awareness Ribbons
Copyright (c) 2006-2013 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved