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er44
er44
Rank Member
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 09/16/2011 10:37 AM
Last Online 08/08/2013 06:03 AM
Gender: Female
City: D.C.
Occupation: R.N.
A little about me: I am a 44 year old married women with adult step children. I have a BA in Sociology and a Nursing Degree. I am not working and have not been working since 2001 was diagnosed as bipolar in 2001 after I went to see a shrink bc I was having a really bad bad depression. This was my first experience seeing a shrink, so I didnt know what to expect. I was prescribed prozac and after that all hell broke loose. I became totally manic. That episode lasted off and on for a year. I didnt think I was bipolar-I just thought I had an allergic or bad reaction to prozac. So I continued to see the psychiatrist and he prescribed many meds and I didnt take them as prescribed. I didnt like the way they made me feel and I didnt believe I was bipolar.I was in denial until aboRut a year ago..I just couldnt accept the disease. I thought that it was just me-that I was messing up or doing something wrong-I totally blamed everything on the prozac for years. I have been rapid cycling for the last several years with several months of remisssion in between the cycles. I have finally accepted my disease and it has made it somewhat better-but not as much as I had hoped.I think I am learning how to cope with it a little better.I'm still hard on myself because I just feel so crazy sometimes.. Anyway, I was never compliant with my meds because I was in denial. I am totally compliant now and I have noticed a slight improvement-nothing huge though. I miss my past life so much. I went to see a shrink for depression-he put me on prozac and all hell broke loose. I havent been the same since.
As a child, I had ADHD. THey didnt call it that back then-they said I was hyper-active and was having a hard time staying focused and couldnt pay attention. My shrink told me that for many, childhood adhd is a precurser to bipolar. I still have ADD and its really hard to deal with too-I got a double whammy. In highschool, I started self medicating with alcohol. I drank steadily for many years-it didnt help anything. I am a recovering alcoholic. I dont drink anymore. I did for a while after my diagnosis and alcohol doesnt play well with the meds.
When I am in an episode I tend to isolate even during the manic times-that is because I suffer from mixed episodes mostly. Thats a combo of depression and mania. I gotta say its really rough. The anxiety is through the roof-I think having mixed episodes goes hand with rapid cycling.
I am very happy I found this site. I feel a little better now than I did a few days ago when I joined.I think this site will really help me. It's much better than talking to a psychiatrist IMO.
My Hugs
Nika8 gave me a Hug
03/05/2014 05:06 AM
a HugI hope you're feeling well today. Lots of hugs

sarahtroy gave me a Hug
01/19/2014 06:54 AM
a HugI'm so sorry to still be away on break. I think of all of you. I am itching to get back, but there is still some more personal business I must take care of first. Know that I miss you and can't wait to be back.

~Sarah

sarahtroy gave me a Hug
11/18/2013 05:17 AM
a HugFor my Bipolar Support group friends:

"We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far."

~Swami Vivekananda

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My Diary
Feeling angry and hopeless
Dear diary, I feel like crap. I'm sick of therapy. I hate being bipolar and I spent my birthday in the hospital. I feel hopeless and totally misunderstood but I am grateful for all of you who hug me and give me kind and inspirational words. I don't feel well and I'm in a mixed episode and I broke my ribs. I wish my meds were working right now
TitleDateViewsComments
I feel so angry. 06/18/2012  168 1
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