sarahtroy gave me a Hug 05/11/2013 11:18 AM
	"If you keep sending away every person who challenges you, you'll never GROW. Some people are in your life to sharpen you." ~ Mandy Hale
DorisAnn gave me a Hug 05/10/2013 06:11 AM
	Hello, To all of my friends, group members, newbee's. Sorry, I haven't been on. My cousin passed away at age 41, we were all very sadden by this loss. Please say a prayer for my family. Now its back to you guys. I found these quotes and I wanted to share. Hugs Dee Remember and I thinking about all of you and wishing you the best. Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself – George Bernard Shaw I have found that if you love life, life will love you back - Arthur Rubinstein Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive – Howard Thurman. Life isn’t a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, latte in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘Woohoo WHAT A RIDE’!
hypnagogic gave me a Hug 05/10/2013 05:09 AM
	Once you choose hope, anything’s possible. – Christopher Reeve

a Hug a Cheer Up a Happy for You a Prayer a Salute a Thumbs Down Your message:

I spent my 18th birthday in a Nut House
I used drugs starting when I was 17 in 1973 acid, Quaalude,alcohol, pot...and I never was a user. Than I did nothing. But hung out w losers. Hitch hiked all over Jersey,Pennsylvania,Massachusetts and than to Texas. How scarey now looking back. Been arrested many times,always had an attitude of I did not give a fuck. After the break into madness, always had a edge but that could just be Jersey.

My Mom had died in 1970 and Dad remarried within 2 yrs so I was not happy, angry and mad at the world. Step mom was from Portugal which is our nationality . I hated her she moved in summer of 1972.She was 32 my Dad was 52 and I thought that whole thing was weird . Hell she did not speak English and there were 4 children 11,14,15,17. It was pure hell.I was embarrassed of my Dad and her and just wanted to run away. Which I did 12/72 and was a run away till 5/73.

Stayed at home that summer and I was depressed my first depression and could not get out of bed, eat, wash, or relate to anyone. It was the summer so everyone was doing there thing. I would lay in bed and my step mom would come in to feed me. How sad and weird. Than I hallucinated , heard my mom speak perfect English, saw my dead Mom, and though helicopters and planes to trying to get me. I proceeded to commit suicide. So I would get up in my robe of many days wo shower. I walked around the house and think of way to die. I got some pills a doctor gave me Librium and downed with some gin. I passed out hit the tile floor with my face and still have a scar over my eye.

My sister came home right after it happened, took me hospital got my stomach pumped than off to the nut house i went. I was miserable. When i got there my sister was sitting next to me. I looked down the hall and saw the red colored exit sign and than look the opposite direction and saw the entrance. I looked at her and said staring at the exit sign and said that was hell and this was purgatory ...how funny but true.

After that stayed with grandma and than it took a good 4 months to get my head straight. Felt better an moved out to the streets just took off. I could not relate to my family and wanted to get away and run.Grandma was my Mom's mother, and she was loving . She wanted to pay for me to go to school to be a nurse and I did not want to do that.

I was clueless what to do. I was raped the beginning of the year when I ran away and was on ludes and booze.I went to crash at the guy's house that I knew sort of high school he was a year older.I was fucked up walking down the side walk he was outside and I said hi. And barely could walk and it was nite time so he said I could crash there. And I was a runaway so I could get picked up by the cops.Which would have been better but I just did anything to stay away from my fucked up home.

I went up to his apartment. Was going in and out of consciousness from the drugs and
booze. plus I am a lite weight so didn't take much to get wasted and there I was high on ludes and booze with guys having a party.There was a bunch of guys so I remember some passing out and waking up in a shower w this fuck having sex w me, than a bed,I don't know if it was just him either. Next day I wake up and he tell me to leave . I said fine and he try to kicked me down the stair s and yells that I am a slut. So than all this rumors started I have sex with all these guys. It was the last year of HS senior. The second semester I was to graduate that May in 1973 and this was maybe March.

So I left HS in January of that year a I never returned but did get my diploma. It is sad how people kick you down, abuse u and blame u for their abuse. After that happened I got pregnant and had to get abortion from the drugs and the rape I was done. Mentally , spiritually and emotionally. I never recovered from that. It haunts me till this day. I was angry for years still am. I want to write a book and put those fuckers names in it and how they destroyed my life. I hated myself and just could not get over it. Than after that I had sex w whoever and had no joy in intimacy I looked at it as it was just sex no love. I never could stay in a relationship. I hated life.

I started discussions in the following health topics:
contolling sister, critical family, family brings up past, family that does nto think they have mental illness, judgemental family, talkfsto u like u r an idiot.

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