|Member Since||03/02/2011 09:05 PM|
|Last Online||05/19/2013 12:05 PM|
|Country:||United States of America|
|A little about me:||
Born May 28th 1985
I grew up in a christian home and have been attending my church since before I was born. I had what I guess you'd call a “normal” christian upbringing, Sunday school and church every week and when I was old enough groups on Wednesday nights.
I accepted God into my heart when I was six years old. I remember thinking, “my life is going to be a piece of cake now.” How wrong I was. Shortly afterward I was diagnosed with ADHD and two learning disabilities. Both involving my favorite subjects, reading and writing. I was then considered and “outsider” at school and had no real friends growing up.
In 1995 my Aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer. A year later my Grandpa with colon cancer. Then on October 1st 1997 My grandpa pasted away. Shortly afterward I was diagnosed with clinical depression.
It was in high school where I found my first “real” friends, and I will be forever grateful to them. Especially my friends from church. They literately are life savers. Through out high school my depression grew worse and I often found myself wishing I was home or dead. Seeing the guys every Wednesday is what got me through those years. I finally made it to my junior year, my depression was under control and I was able to go off medication for a while.
My senior year of high school I started having terrible migraines. When they got to the point where they were seriously disrupting my life my parents took me to the doctor. When she could find nothing wrong I was referred to a neurosurgeon. I underwent a cat scan and the results reviled that I had a brain cyst. I was terrified, I mean we're talking brain surgery here. Later that day I was at church between tests to confirm the cysts location for surgery. I remember sitting in the sanctuary praying for a miracle and for this to somehow be all a bad dream. I had a MRI later that day. The test came back negative, the cyst was gone. I was so happy I cried the whole way home. God had answered my prayers. Today I still get migraines but nowhere near as often or as bad.
On January 14th 2005 my Aunt lost her battle with breast cancer. She left so suddenly that I was at a loss without her. My depression worsened and I was put back on medication.
In 2006 I started trying to find my place in the church. I taught kids club for many years before joining the choir.
In October 2008 I joined the youth group kind of by accident. I had shown up for choir practice when there hadn't been any for that day. Looking back I know know that day's “oops” was what I know call “divine intervention”. That day I was invited to join the youth group and I finally found the place I belonged.
That November we had an abstinence speaker com in and talk to the girls. Molly is known as “the Cheese ball Chick”. At the time I was working at a place where abstinence was a foren word and my coworkers had a bet going as to when those of us who weren't “doing it” would fall off the band wagon. I told Molly about the bet and how hard it was to put up with the people at work.
It was the week before the Districts conference and everything was going normal. Wednesday came around and I hung out with one of my friends, with her boyfriend tagging along. I really didn't give him much thought. My friend invited me to her hotel that night to have a few drinks and to go swimming before she had to return home the next day. I said yes and that I would meet her after church that night. That night turned into the longest and worst night of my life. That night I was raped by my friend's boyfriend. What had started out as a fun innocent night to say goodbye to my friend suddenly went bad really fast. I was lucky to survive that night. I believe to this day that I was drugged in one or more of my drinks. I was still out of it the next morning with whatever I had been given and my normal medication.
Before leaving for Districts that weekend I fell into my good friend's arms and told her what had happened. I thought that was hard, but facing Molly at Districts was harder still. She encouraged me to talk to our leader and to tell my parents what had happened. Well I was able to talk to our leader long before I was able to face my parents.
The next few months felt longer then the should have been. My depression was worse than it had ever been. I don't know what scared me more after that night. The possibility that I might be pregnant or that I might have a STD. I knew that I didn't believe in abortion, and there was no way I could care for a child myself. I knew if I was pregnant that adoption was the only thing I could do and decided that if I was going to have a child I would ask one of the couples at church that wanted a child, but could not have one if they would adopt. I was fortunately, however, not forced to make the decision. I was not pregnant. I could, however still have a STD. I had to wait six months to find out whether those tests would be negative, or positive. I was lucky again and they came back negative. But those where the longest months I have ever lived.
The last three years of my life were the longest and hardest part of my life, but I also learned the most. And God has been there through it all. From that “oops” that put me in the youth group, to the support I found within it. I know that I wouldn't be here today with out my friend or our leader, but specially without the kids in the youth group. They became my reason for living when I just wanted to give up.
Today, almost three years after the rape, my life is finally starting to resume some bit of normalcy. I have been able to forgive the man who raped me, and my friend for taking his side, But most importantly, I've learned to forgive myself.
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord.”
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My Recent Posts
|confused please help||07/10/2012|
|Fear of being touched?||07/10/2012|
|Uplifting song i found||02/29/2012|
|Unsure and afraid||10/13/2011|
|Unsure and afraid||10/13/2011|
|Daily headaches changed to Chr...||08/20/2011|
|8 years and finally an answer||08/20/2011|
|A Terrifying Decision||04/12/2011|
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