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|Thoughts about my first experience with heroin|
|Written by ladiibugg|
|27 April 2011|
I am tornbetween happiness and sadness, fear and disgust.
I am torn between happiness and sadness, fear and disgust.
It is probably hard for you to understand the stretch between the emotions I am sure, but I was hit with some disturbing news on Monday.
On Easter Sunday a few of us girls decided to go out to the Casino for the night. I asked my daughter if she would come over to my house and babysit our animals. She said she would and asked if she could have her boyfriend Stephen stay with her for company. Since we know her boyfriend and felt comfortable with him staying over we were fine with the request. So, off we go to the casino, we had a great dinner with friends, spent a little money, and we were having quite a bit of fun. Around 9:00 that night I decided I had better turn in, as I did have school the next afternoon. My friends decided to stay out until past midnight so by morning I was the first one awake. I had taken my computer with me the night before just in case I wanted to get on line. Well since I was up early and we have plenty of time before checkout I decided to hop on-line and go to Facebook. I had received a message from my daughter’s boyfriend to call him ASAP. I thought this was odd because if something had happened to my animals my daughter would have called my cell phone. I immediately picked up the phone and started calling my daughter and her boyfriend. I didn’t get any answers from either of them. I continued calling all morning and throughout my trip home. When I reached my home I found no one. No daughter, no daughter’s boyfriend. Nothing! After investigating my home we found our garage door had been kicked in. Whoever had kicked the door in left their footprint in the middle of the door. I was scared and pissed at the same time. Where was my daughter? Where was her boyfriend? Why weren’t they answering either of their phones? With no answers I decided to call the police. As I spoke to the officer on the phone he put me on hold to see if there had been any called dispatched to my residence. He returned to the phone and said that an officer and an ambulance had been dispatched to my home. He said my daughter had been transported to the hospital. While I was on the phone, we found a needle on the floor! I raced to the hospital only to find that my 19 year old daughter had overdosed on heroin! Imagine the fear, disappointment, sadness, disgust, and anger. I was only able to speak with the doctor for a brief moment because they had to get permission from my daughter to talk with me. As she drifted in and out of consciousness they were able to get her to verbally consent.
So as this story unfolds into the nightmare drama that it has, I am clueless as to what to do next. That Monday morning was a nightmare!
I had to call my instructor at the College to let her know that I wouldn’t be in and basically bawled through the entire conversation. I had a huge presentation I had to give. I had a team of four other depending on me. I was torn between letting them down and failing the project completely. What was I supposed to do? Should I stay at the hospital and watch my daughter sleep? Or should I go to school and deliver the presentation with my team and leave when it was over?
My decision was to go to class. I was able to get through the presentation and hold myself together..... surprisingly well as a matter of fact.
Here I am finishing up my last week of school and looking forward to graduation. Now; my daughter is admitting she has been using heroin for the last month. Oh my GOD! Now what? Well, she was eventually released later that Monday afternoon to a detox clinic that will help her deal with the with-drawls from the drug, and has been approved for a room in a residential treatment program. I don’t know if she will comply or not as this is only two of her detoxification. Her boyfriend gave her an ultimatum that if she didn’t go to treatment he was leaving her. This scares me because she didn’t go to treatment for herself, she went for him. As of two hours ago, he is done. He wants nothing to do with her. He learned that she had been lying and has been “shooting” heroin for the last three months. Now as it stands when she learns that he is through she may decide to leave treatment and return to the drugs. I am scared!
I spoke with my parents on the phone and I said I wasn’t going to change my plans about moving to Florida. I am feeling guilty about wanting to leave and yet I am feeling mad that I would consider leaving her during this time and yet why shouldn’t I go. It isn’t going to matter where I am. My daughter has been on probation and has been in jail. She is on probation again and now this heroin thing. Is it going to change because I am leaving for Florida? Am I being selfish by leaving…? Oh, it’s a mess! I don’t know how to feel!!
I have not yet contacted her probation officer about this, and I am not sure what to do. The police said they did not make a report or press charges because there was no proof of and drugs on the scene and what was in the needle or needle’s wasn’t enough and they would have to serve a warrant to the hospital to..… blah, blah, blah, ...so it is up to me to make this call.
Her friends all deny that they are using drugs yet they are the only ones that she spends time with. None of them are being honest with me. I am sure they are afraid to get her in trouble. I spoke with one of her friends and he is determined to tell me that my daughter isn’t using drugs and that none of them are. I just found out yesterday that her closest friend just overdosed two weeks ago! The other so called best friend is….... this is stupid!
Do you see why I am so confused about this?
I do know this…
I WILL be graduating on Friday.
I WILL be spending time with family and friends after the ceremony the way I planned.
I received confirmation on the house I will be renting in Florida; it is still a go for us.
I am still looking forward to going to school and continuing my education.
**No sources This is a personal letter