Healthy Relationships Online Support Group

My wife and I just returned from a private Marriage Retreat. I scoffed at the price, but it was worth every penny. I think it should be part of every honeymoon, why not start off with the answers, right?

The primary focus was communication. It was our downfall. You would figure that after 18 years of marriage, we could communicate, but that wasn’t the case. We were talking, but we were not talking the same language. As you may well know, men and women do not think the same. If you don’t think the same, how could you talk the same?

We were taught that there are 7 love languages: 5 from the book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts “ by Gary D. Chapman (quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch) ; and 2 that the retreat added (Respect and Being Led). In order to feel fulfilled, each partner needs their two primary languages spoken to them. You can spend hours telling them how much you love them, but if spending quality time with them is their number 1 way of feeling loved, your wasting your time. Likewise, if hearing how much they are appreciated is what they need and you are working your butt off around the house to help out, you are again missing the target.

You partner may be saying to you that you are always out with the guys/girls or watching TV while they clean the house and get the kids ready for school. You hear that they are overworked but there’s not enough you can do. You still get fussed at for watching TV. What they might really be saying is, “I don’t feel appreciated for all my hard work!” Perhaps if they were affirmed with praise, they wouldn’t mind you doing these things.

The key is to talk to your partner and find out what they need to feel appreciated and loved and give it to them on a regular basis. If their tank is full because you are doing your job of letting them know how much you care and love them, then this will spill over into various other area of their lives.

The same holds true for you. If you find that life is not what it used to be, maybe your tank is on empty too. If you feel love and appreciated from your mate, your confidence and outlook on life is affected. If your mate makes you feel like you are the greatest person in the world, why wouldn’t you feel good about everything else?

Here’s a link to take an assessment to determine your love language http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/ . You can also purchase the book at Amazon.com or get it at your local bookstore.