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|Herpes not a scarlet letter|
|Written by Angelface08|
|26 January 2012|
I was diagnosed with herpes at a young age and only a couple years ago. The emotions were confusing, anger, shame and saddness. Having to tell the person that gave it to me that they did so they could get checked was even harder because our relationship was in pieces. He was abusive I was scared of him and I didn’t know what he would do but I had to be the responsible what. He never did get checked. Telling my mom was even harder because im her baby and I didn’t know if she would look at me differently. I never thought a relationship would be a possibilty. I just never saw normal and im the girl with epilepsy and I had yet to be diagnosed with myasthina gravis. So I thought like so many people that I was branded wearing this scarlet letter for the world. That letter was only in my head.
Being a young woman with genital herpes was awkward until I got used to the idea that it did not define who I was. I was the same girl that had made the smart decision of having safe sex but somehow ended with another disease under her belt lol When I look at my life and I see what I’ve gone through I don't let any of it define me. I let it make me stronger and a better person. I know that there are people out there that are not accepting of my disabilities so I know this and I live life any way. I appreciate life. I smile and I laugh with my friends. I don’t feel ashamed anymore because I know that the herpes is not me it’s just part of me. I’m not wearing a scarlet letter.
It’s not a reminder of the ex boyfriend that was terrible to me. The only reason it’s not is because I refuse to let be. I want to be free of him so it’s just a disease that I got from some guy. Who yes did awful things to me and I wish I would have done more for myself but I can’t do anything now. Except move on and by just letting the herpes be herpes and not about him it’s moving on past the abuse. So I can feel free and be happy. I wake up every day feeling a little bit freer of him
Telling people is always hard because you never know how they are going to take it but I know that its my job as a responsible person if I want to be in a relationship emotionally with someone that I need to tell them. When I feel the time is right and if it’s the right person I open up I sit down one on one and give them as much information as I have in my brain and let them ask me questions and if I can answer them I do if I can’t then I look for the answers. I do that with everything I have my epilepsy and myasthenia gravis and herpes. I just sense when it’s the right person to tell and when it’s not. Sometimes I have made a mistake and they have walked and I’ve been okay with that because if they can’t see that behind all that stuff is a person worth getting to know then that’s a shame. It took a long time for me to come to terms with that. It was the epilepsy that helped bring me to that point because people really judge you. But I am picky and I won’t give in just because of my herpes or other medical disorders I want a nice guy.
If anything I learned not to be defined by anything. I define who I am. To be confident that I am a good person and people will see that and the herpes will just be a blip on the radar to them. I try and find a reason to smile every day.
Remember confidence, smile, and your still the same person as before!
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