Vaginal Health Online Support Group

I have been married for 18 years to a very understanding and wonderful man. I have had painful sex every since. We can only have the slightest penetration and it is still painful for me, but through out the years we have managed to have sex "our way" and have pleasured one another. We could not figure out what in the world was wrong with me all these years until about two years ago when I started to research what was going on and came across Vaginismus. We thought I was just scared and could not handle pain. Well I have been to doctors that show little concern becaus I think they are not educated on Vaginismus and dont know how to talk to me. I was referred to a therapist over the summer and worked with dialators and would manage to get almost all of the biggest one in, although still painful. Im still not where I want to be with this and I need support. I rarely use my dialotors because i dread it and when my husband and I start to have sex, it always ends up to "our way" again we are not accomplishing anything because I get frustrated and quit. I dont know what to do. I want to be a normal woman who enjoys sex and can offer my husband a great lovemaking experience as well as for me. Im 37 years old and want my sex life to be normal now that I know it's not just me! I just want to be able to do what all others do so easily. Everyone talks about how great sex is and I want to join them! On the verge of giving up because I dont know how to handle it anymore.

Welcome, welcome! I am saddened by your story and hope that we can be an encouragement to you. Have you read through the different discussions on the forum yet? I believe they will help you...just to know you are not alone!

I am curious as to what happens with the smaller dilators when you "rarely use them because (you) dread them". If you have been able to get up to the largest what causes anxiety about the smaller ones?

I am a HUGE proponent of the book set from www.vaginismus.com

I have seen great results through it. It may or may not be for you but it might have a different outlook on treatment than you have experienced. They also have a GREAT section on dilators.

It really is sad that our doctors do not know much about vaginismus. What kind of doctors have you seen?

Any time you need someone to talk to please post or pm me! I'd love to hear from you.

Together we will work through this!

Faith, Group Leader

PS I applaud you on your 18 years of marriage. How blessed you are that you married a very patient and loving man who has stood by you even though things aren't as they "should" be. He must be as wonderful as my husband of 11 1/2 years!

Thanks for replying, but with the dialators, the small ones hurt too! It's like I can work with them but it's like the next day we are back at square one. I feel closed up again and have to start the process all over. I have a very busy lifestyle with work and all and I guess im just impatient and want fast results and I just cant let it consume my life, but it's all I think about. I want a quick fix and I know it's impossible. I cant afford all these expensive doctor visits and Im tryng to do it on my own. I have come a long way with the help of my therapist where before I couldnt even put a finger in. Its just so expensive to continue, so what do ya do, you know?

Jess's journal is great. It's a very positive outlook on this tragic situation we are in.

TR-I think you will find the book set a less expensive and hopefully more effective than the therapy. Just the anxiety of the bill will make relaxing more difficult!

Thanks for all your feedback, girls! Love being a part of your life!

Faith