Handling the stress of a cancer diagnosis

As I sat there numbly listening to the Dr, I realized I could 'lose it' or I could chose to approach it with as much courage as I could muster. I chose to approach it with courage because I realized that while the stress of the diagnosis was hard, in the long run, it would be counterproductive. Cancer is a battle of sorts...in my mind, I could either win the battle with a measure of courage, or I could sink into despair and eventually give up. And to my mind, I could not see how any battle could be eventually won if I'm thinking from the beginning that I'm going to lose. So...I chose to approach with courage and not defeat.

When I got home I cried my heart out, I think that is a natural response for anybody who gets news like that. I think we all go through the stages of denial, sorrow, sadness, and gradual acceptance that comes following a cancer diagnosis. When I got done with my hours of tears, I made a decision that I would approach this all with every ounce of courage and grace that I could. If I felt like crying I cried, but I decided that I would not give in to my own personal pity party and let it rule my days. If I needed a pity party for myself, I needed to set some rules for myself so that negative feelings would not be more normal than happiness. If I was going to have a pity party every day, I set a limit on it: I would give in to those feelings when they came, but I told myself that I would only allow 15 minutes to 'get it out' and after that I wanted to turn to something more happy. (Yes, it was hard, but it did make me easier to be around...my family was also feeling the stress of my diagnosis.)

I know you're probably thinking: What can she possibly find to be happy about after getting news like getting two different cancers at the same time in the same organ?! Well, I decided that happiness IS indeed a choice, and if there is even the remote possibility that I might have fewer days on earth, then I want those to be happy memories with my family. I made a gratitude list of what I was thankful for so that when I got down, I could remind myself about the things that mattered to me. My list went something like this:

I'm thankful for....

my loving children, a roof over my head, food on my plate, and a warm bed at night. My grandchild that is (was) soon due to arrive, my goofy dog who loves me unconditionally, my rose garden, friends....etc, anything that made me happy or brought me pleasure in my life.

And each day I tried to find something, somewhere, that I could be thankful about and add it to my list. I found that reading my list daily helped keep me from focusing on the negative.

Stress that we add to ourselves is not helpful. If we dwell constantly on the negativity of our situation (cancer) then we are adding stress. Stress does things to our bodies that are counter-productive to keeping a healthy mind, a healthier immune system, and to getting through it all. The stress response raises our blood pressure, tenses our muscles, and stimulates the secretions of stress related hormones in our brains, which in turn affects our immune system. At a time when I knew that my immune system was going to be eventually compromised by chemo and radiation, I thought the last thing I personally needed was to put further stress on my immune system. This was when I decided that I needed to learn to control my stress levels.

Yes, getting a cancer diagnosis is definitely a very stressful situation. When I felt negativity seeping in, I reminded myself that cancer cures and therapies have come a long way since I was first a nurse in 1969...and I thank God for that! I made a choice to handle it all with a positive outlook, and to lessen my stress on myself. For sure there were lots of 'down' days, but I tried to not let the stress of it all overcome me and rule my days. I am a cancer survivor of 6 years now with no return of either cancer. Pretty good for somebody who was given slim odds in the beginning. In my humble opinion, I believe that keeping a positive attitude, and trying to keep relatively stress free, has helped me immensely, right from the day I heard my diagnosis. I wish you didn't have to go on this cancer journey, but know that you don't travel the road alone, there are people who have travelled the same road before you, and there are people who care.