Urinary Incontinence Support Group

My husband is 25 years old. Up until this last year he was in great Heath. My husband is a bigger man. Weighing around the 300 to 320 range. But he is(was) very active. One night our lives changed. He got a hole in his foot and started wetting himself. The dr tested his blood sugars and a1c and both were elevated. The dr gave him metformin and a blatter control pill. I changed our whole way of eating and even though we are active I try to even more. My husband must change about ever hour on a good day and wear 3 adult diapers at a time. He does the exercise for it but nothing is working. We want to have kids but can't because of this. It's ruining our lives. I've never seen my husband so depressed. Please give me some advise. Thank for only kind and encouraging words.

Hi and welcome to the group. Sorry to hear the problems your husband is going through. Is he seeing a urologist? If not, my first bit of advise is to see one.

You will find out that everyone reacts to bladder medication differently. They have tried all they care to on me and nothing has helped. If what he is on now isn't working they may want to try something else, it all depends on what they feel is causing his incontinence.

Now about the diapers, if you get some good quality ones like Abena XPlus, there won't be a need to wear three at a time. I am a heavy wetter and I only wear one at a time and on my worst day, I have only gone through 4 or 5 changes. Normally I can get by with only 2 or 3 changes for a 24hr period. I don't let my diapers stop me from living either. Yes it was a hard and scary at first but after time I have accepted them as my underwear and I go out and do all those things that I want to do. Incontinence is just something we learn to handle/deal with/live with, we don't let it control us, we have learned how to deal with it and keep on living.

As for kids, I had mine before I became incontinent, but I know there others that are incontinent and still had kids. Again this area is something that you have to learn how to handle/deal with.

What all your husband is going through it's not uncommon to get depressed. I have found talking on the forum and being able to read what others have gone through has helped me. I would suggest that you encourage your husband to join the group and feel free to ask questions and read the other post here. I also encourage you to keep active here too. There is lots of support here.

Prayers for you and your husband

Kent

Thank you so much! I made my husband read your post and it made him feel a bit better.

I don't remember all the meds but we tried 2 and the did not work and then he tried one for children wetting the bed. He was just put on Detrol. And hates it. His actually going more. This dr seems so heartless. And won't listen and won't let him really try other things.

I'm trying to keep him positive and hopefull about kids. Sadly he feel he's unattractive because of this. I keep telling him he's not. He has no libido no matter what I do. And I have no clue how to help that either. And I still don't understand how this happened other night. One day he was fine and the next this.

But thank you again for the wonderful words and sorry about the spacing and such I'm on a phone.

Hi Hope,

How has your husband's sugars been running? Is he getting them under control? I know on metformin it takes some time to make the proper adjustments.

I have a son that is Type 1 diabetic and my husband -- within the last 6-9 months -- was dx'ed with Type 2 diabetes. He takes metformin, as well, and it took some time to get the dosage right. High sugars contribute to frequent urination. The better your husband can keep his sugars in control, the less frequently he will wet. My husband is also a very big guy (6'4" and over 400lbs), and I know how tough it is to change eating habits. Keep up the good work!

I have taken Detrol LA with good success, but it doesn't work for everyone. I hope that your husband can find a med that works for him. If your husband's doctor is being that aloof, you need to find a new doctor/urologist. It is tough enough to deal with adjusting to incontinence without a poor attitude from your doctor.

I agree with Kent. There are much better products out there that your husband could try then to struggle with 3 diapers at a time. Just the thought of that is disheartening for anyone.

I wish you the best in finding products, both meds and/or diapers, that work better for your husband and help him feel more comfortable with himself. Given time, I'm sure he will adjust, or perhaps, given the right doctor and right test or procedure, a solution for his condition will be found.

Praying for you and your hubby.

~Mary

My husbands new job just fired him due to the incontinence.

Is anyone else having such issuses?

Americans with Disabilities Act should cover that one, Hope. What did his job entail? With good protection, he should be able to continue working without too much interruption. I suppose if he was still within a probationary period, they could use any excuse to let him go.

I'm really sorry to hear about his job loss. I hope you can find some assistance with this.

~Mary

Incontinence in it's self isn't a reason someone can be fired. Not knowing what the job was and how long he has been there makes it harder for us to understand why they fired him for incontinence.

Did they say or write he was let go because of it?

What prompted this?

Did they give a reason why he couldn't perform his job?

If they did fire him because of this, I would go to your unemployement office and file a claim. When they ask why he was fired, be bold and tell them. They can take action against companies that are not following fair labor laws, how much action I don't know but if they feel a person was let go unjustly they have been known to fight for the victim.

I will keep praying for the two of you. Please let him know that incontinene doesn't keep us from working. I personally take care all types of IT items such as, networks, computer/printer repair, client support, and many other things at a huge manufacture. Because I wear really good protection/diapers, I have learned how to adjust and not let this slow me down. In 3 years no one has noticed or said anything and I am many times working close quarters with others. I also do Christian volunteer work and one of our local prisons. At first I let this slow me down, but now, it's just part of who I am. When I have to be at the prison for the entire day, I take my diapers in with me. Yes they get checked out by the officers to make sure I am not trying to smuggle anything in, but they have all been really nice about it and I haven't had anything major happen.

Just because our underwear is different than most doesn't mean we are different, doesn't mean we can't do the same as others, live a full life like others, enjoy life, and be who we are. So what is the big deal? When others have to go to the bathroom, they do their thing and leave. When we have to go, we just pop in there, change our underwear and leave, basically the same as anyone else.

Prayers for both of you!!

Kent

He was working for a dairy. They said it was a sanitation issue. I have a lawyer now and he is helping. They had no restrooms for the employees.

So we are fighting a little.

I have more questions.

How do you or what do you do for night time or when your sleeping?

What do you use to try to stay fresh. My husband just takes a lot of showers.

My husband just graduated for IT!! He does network systems and security!

Sadly he can't find a job

So sorry to hear about all the problems you are having. For night time, I use Dry 24/7 diapers with an Abena large booster pad. I fold the pad in half and make sure it is high in the front slightly above the diaper padding. This is helpful if you sleep on your side or stomach. I have also used the disposable chair pads and just laid it on top of the sheets for added protection. As for staying fresh, I use CVS adult cloth wipes. They are thick and have a fresh scent. I also remove the hair in the diapered area which helps with odor control. Watch what he eats and drink plenty of water.

Hope this helps. I will be praying for you both.

Hopemarie glad to hear that you have a lawyer helping. I pray that he can bring a good outcome.

I personally use Abena XPlus right now for day and night diapers because I am a heavy wetter. If I had the extra cash and or they would take my FSA card, I would also use Dry 24/7 or Secure XPlus. I use a Assurance Underpads Extra Large from Wal-Mart under me at all times when sleeping just in case of leaks.

To stay fresh is one that we all strive for and most of us have many different ways. Like smoore said, watching what we eat and drink helps a lot and for me clean shaven down there as well. For cleaning between changes I have found for me using Sam’s Club Adult wipes (because they are larger and a good price), and Derma Health Antiseptic Perineal Cleanser I buy at Wal-Mart where the incontinence supplies are. The cleanser is step one in a three step process if you want to go further, but for me the cleansing spray has worked great.

Now when I know it’s going to be a really bad night, I sometimes will use a doubler or an off brand pull-up with slits in it as a doubler, and apply an Equate Diaper Rash Ointment which is made up of 40% Zinc. And at time baby powder with corn starch.

Finding what works, keeps us fresh and comfortable is a battle we all have battled and we still battle to some degree because we want to be better, fresher and less noticeable. I personally haven’t had any one notice or say anything to me about this. Most of the times we are our worst enemies about this. So experiment and find what works best for him.

It’s awesome that he graduated with that type of IT information. I am in the IT field too, and have been in it since 1983. It can be hard finding a job but believe it or not, I put my resume up on Monster.com a long time ago and I am employed by what I call a head hunter company, but what they do is contract out IT work to large and small companies. For the last 5yrs I have been at the same location taking care of all of their computers/printers/networks and many other projects. Where I work at is a very large manufacturing facility and everyone there treats me as one of them. The company that pays me my check, does offer benefits and they are fairly decent for this type of company. Many people in the IT world are starting out like this and then getting hired full time with the companies. Have him put in his resume to sites like Monster.com, CareerBuilders.com and the likes. Be clear about what skills he has and put down the areas that he really wants to work in. I found that helped me out a lot because I didn’t get calls from places looking for salesmen even though I can and have been a salesman, manager and many other jobs over the many years, but that wasn’t what I was looking for.

What every the two of you do, please do not give up!! Please do not close the doors and lock yourselves in because of this. Through the help of this group and a few others that I am a part of, the support, knowledge and understanding from everyone made me realize that there is still so much more to life and not to let this stop me from living. Feel free to vent and keep asking questions. I have always said to those that I work with and teach, the only dumb question is the one that you didn’t ask. We are not experts, we are living testimonies.

Still in my prayers.

Kent