Thankfully, Mel, I am married now, but when I was single I had more than my share of doubts about the "baggage" I carried! My incontinence came and went in waves -- sometimes much worse than others. I hid it as well as I could. I used the restroom often, hoping to keep my bladder empty to avoid embarrassment. I limited caffeine and carbonated drinks. I also made sure I had a pad if I felt particularly troubled. (I’ve yet to buy incontinence pads. I can’t bear to do it. I’ve only ever used heavy-flow feminine pads.) Somehow I managed to hide it fairly well from any male companion I was with. That wasn’t the worst of it for me, though. I had been dx’ed with Crohn’s Disease Dec ’90 when they found a massive bowel obstruction. (I had been miserable for MONTHS until this was discovered.) Once that obstruction was removed, I had a horrible time regulating my bowels! I thought wetting my pants was humiliating, but nothing compared to the sudden evacuation of my bowels! I was horrified! I felt no one could EVER love a mess like me. Over time, my Crohn’s Disease finally went into remission and I suffered less and less from bowel accidents. They still occur on rare occasions, but not enough to hinder my life. Urinary incontinence, though, is ongoing, and lately worse than usual. My husband is a man I knew for 15 years before we married. He was well aware of my short-comings and loved me anyway. I didn’t think it was possible for anyone to overlook these horrible issues. I made them SO BIG in my own eyes that I didn’t believe anyone could look past them. However, I would NEVER think less of someone for having a physical problem. I cared for a dear friend of my for years who was semi-invalid and incontinent in both urine and bowel; and I NEVER thought poorly of her for her condition. I think that we see defects in ourselves and magnify them. In my case, because of my upbringing and the constant torment of my family and classmates, I assumed that EVERYONE watched me under a microscope. As I’ve aged, I’ve found that is not necessarily true. There ARE kind people who look past our frailties. Those who don’t aren’t worth knowing. Previous discussions I participated in: New member |
