Treatment Resistant Depression Group

My family seems to be giving up on me and doesn't call for support or to find out how I am anymore. I used to go to dinner with them every Friday night but can't anymore because I cycle into deep depression around 6pm and can't stop crying so Steve takes me home....I think they take offence at this. They ask why can't we take 2 cars and for 1. I can't drive when I am suicidal and 2. Steve would rather be taking care of me! Even at Steve's 40th b-day party I broke down crying and it's just the time of the day!!!! But I am really upset that no one calls or answers my emails (like my mom or sister). Just my brother does...but he's so busy as his wife is BP1. I have educated them all enough to know that I am at the mercy of my messed up brain chemistry...yet they still blame me for it. My dad was chronically ill for 20 years ...and terminally ill for 5 years and you could see his physical pain...I guess that unless I look that and am bedridden then they don't care. I don't go on and on about my health with them, I just wouldn't mind a check in or an email. Sorry to vent here.

I think that mental illness has such a stigma. Most people don't know the first thing about it. I get what you're saying about how with some illness it is obvious on the outside that the person is in pain (not to mention that there is probably some concrete treatment that can make them better or at least more comfortable). With us, we have gotten so good at "presenting" nicely for others, they can't begin to imagine what kind of pain we're in because we look fine to them. I have been known to wear my feelings on my sleeve my entire life, but as I've gotten older, I've gotten much better at hiding them. Most of us are walking around life hidden by a mask.

Even with them trying to understand, my family and my friends don't get it... especially my friends. They only want to be around me when I'm "happy." They don't get the other side, the dark places of my mind. I wish I could somehow show them because obviously I'm not doing a good enough job explaining it to them

I'm sorry you're feeling bad about your family right now. Maybe try reaching out again... it can't hurt.

It's nice to be understood here. Although I wouldn't with this on anyone.

Sorry to hear about your family, My family is the dame way even my BPII niece don't call me she calls my mom. My mom kind of gets it but I think she just knows when I'm up or down.

and that the only time she ever mentions it.

The rest of my family is like yours so I don't reach out to them, they rather not talk about it like its a family secret. I know its hard but I just gave up on expecting to get some support or even an email from them. I get my support here and from a couple coworkers who also have BPII or depression. That's my support nothing more. You always have us and you can vent all you want we are here to listen thats what we are here for. (((((HUGS))))

Thanks Rick. I sort of feel like the black sheep in the family. i don't have anything in common with my sister but do with my brother--but he lives an hour away and is so busy and stressed with work. Even my mom and I don't have a lot to talk about. I really miss my dad as he was like a best friend to me, loved me unconditionally and we had so much in common. I am very lucky to have Steve as he is so accepting and forgives me for my moods more than I do. And yes, this group has helped so very much!

Forgiving ourselves seems to be one of the hardest things to do. Its not our fault for some of our actions, after all we do have a disorder that is unpredictable and sometimes its out of our control. Like depression just happens without reason. We sometime just can't control how we feel. Its OK to forgive ourselves we deserve it. If I keep beating myself up over past actions I would be a wreck all the time. If you go to therapy it might be something you want to work on. My therapist helped me through it. I am a normal person dealing with an abnormal situation, thats what she said and it helps to know that in spite of this disorder I am basically a good person and I need to stop beating myself up. Getting rid of guilt is another important subject that needs to be addressed. I hope you can work through this and feel better about yourself.

peace & hugs

Rick

Thanks Rick. One problem about discussing my mom in therapy is that she used to see my therapist years ago!!!! That's how I was able to see him as there is hardly anyone accepting new patients these days. I did get a call from her yesterday...voice message...saying she is on her way to California and will be back next week....I guess she just remembered to call at the airport--like I had any idea she was going! I am so out of touch and it used to be that I was too intertwined in family issues...so maybe that's why I do feel guilty too. But what you say is true and I will try and just follow my own path. The funny thing is that my in-laws seem to be more understanding than my own family. At least my dogs are always there for me--unconditional love!!

Its good to have at least someone in real life that is understanding. Take comfort in that and know your not alone.

I cherish the few people I have that know and it helps to have someone to talk to about these things.