Teen Pregnancy Support Group

Hi!

So, long story short, I moved from Toronto to Vancouver to be with a guy thats almost 12 years older then me. I'm 19. I moved may 30th and am now 11 weeks pregnant. when we first found out he was pro-abortion which i told him i wouldnt do and that i'm keeping it.. he eventually came around, we just told our families. Lately, I've caught him lying to me about stupid little things and I'm just fed up. Cause these little lies, turn into big lies. I was very very ill on friday night while i was visiting home and I was on the phone with him, all i wanted was to be with him cause i felt like total crap. he got off the phone with me cause he said he was going to bed. well i crept through his phone, and on that night, he went out, there were calls to his old drug dealer, messages to this girl i HATE saying "show me your boobs" and a message to some random girl at 3am saying "I hope you have a better day tomorrow, you better answer when i call love scott xo". I never get texts from him with xo's, or even i love yous. hes just so selfish and doesnt care about me or my feelings or anything and its SO frustrating and I could just vent forever about him. But something wont let me leave him. All my friends tell me to but I dont want to leave vancouver, cause i have a good job and i want my full benefits and my mat leave. it's just so hard. what do i do? is he cheating on me? why is he lying? I cant take care of a baby and HIM, especially if hes calling his old drug dealer? like wtf is he doing!

I would like to think that the solution to your situation with your boyfriend is quite obvious. You are currently pregnant, you have life growing inside of you. In 6 months or so you are going to have a baby and it will be your job to care for him or her. If this boyfriend is jerking you around and doing stupid stuff then you need to confront him. Explain to him that you want the best for your child and you refuse to be with someone who is acting the way he does. Ask him why he feels it is okay to text girls any say inappropriate things. Ask him why he is texting his old drug dealer. If you can't ask him basic questions now, you'll have a tough time asking him for help that he isn't legally obligated to give. (i.e. emotional support, cooperative co-parenting, etc).

If he doesn't stop and you don't see it working out between you two, then leave him. He can still be a good dad separate from your relationship. Make sure if you choose to separate that you both remain friends and can discuss your hopes for your child. You don't want to make enemies with someone before the baby is born, that'll be a rough 18 years. You might not think he can do a whole lot of damage, but he can make things pretty crappy for you if he wants to. (i.e. telling your child hurtful things about you when they are older, making unfounded CPS reports).

Stick to your gut, it'll serve you well.

I think you seriously need to talk to him. If he doesn't respond positively to you threatening your relationship then that is NOT guy you want to be with and not someone you can be around during your pregnancy. You need to think about whats best for your baby at this point since you're almost to your second trimester.

I did confront him. He turned the fight on me for going through his phone.. at 11:00 lastnight he packed all of my clothes and told me to get out. Its impossible to have a mature conversation with him. I know this sounds really bad but i just want to tell him i lost the baby and move out. I dont want him in my life or my childs. Is that too selfish? I just want whats best for my baby and myself. I'm even going to see a counselor on friday i'm just so upset. I really dont know what to do. Im 19 hes almost 31. Do they EVER grow up?

Sweetie I hate to say it but some of them really don't. =(

I honestly think you should use whatever plan that will work to get you and your baby safely out of there. I am 17 and I grew up about 4 years ago, some others I know haven't even grown up at 37. Sad truth =(

I know this must be hard to leave someone you care so much about and I'm here if you need any more support. We pregnant teens stick together! =)

No they never grow up! Sorry you are going through this and I hope things work out for you and your baby...

Thanks me too. I just wish something would fall outta the sky and hit scott in the head and make him realize that im an amazing girlfriend about to give him a gorgeous child.

I don't personally think that lying about his child's existence to him would be the best course of action. Unless you fear for you and your child's physical safety, it is not your decision whether or not he has a relationship with his child. You chose to have sex with him, and now you have to deal with him for almost two decades into the future. How would you feel if your mom didn't allow you to have the chance at a relationship with your dad because they didn't get along? I bet you'd feel pretty cheated, wouldn't you? The ultimate thing that this boils down to is that this is not about you or him, but it is about your guys' child. I believe you should be working toward the best interest of the child, even if that means enduring some arguments.

If you truly believe that he is an unfit parent and will be damaging to your child you will have to go to fight for sole custody. You might be able to convince him to sign away his parental rights after your child is born, but that could mean you would lose out on valuable child support for your child's entire youth.

I urge you to think for your child, not yourself.

Thanks for all your help ladies. but as for you laurisa, I'm sorry but please dont give me anymore advice to anymore posts that i put. This is a support group not a "i know whats right about everything" group. Me keeping this child away from my boyfriend is probably the best thing i could do for him/her. so i am thinking of my child first. thanks.

I understand what laurisa is saying that it may upset the child at some point, but honestly I've been in a situation like that. My dad was hardly ever in my life growing up, im 17 now about to be 18 and jesus im happy i didnt grow up with him, he is the most selfish, childish jerk of a dad i know... My moms not any better but at least she wasnt so selfish and childish. So i do understand why my mother didnt want him in our lives. But as i said your child WILL want to be with him for some part of their life, you cant help that. But honestly i do know this from experience as i am living with my dad for the first time since i was 2 and i truely want to be somewhere else.

He is very selfish and very childish, says theres no food in the house when theres ALOT of food in the house, just nothing he wants to eat...

If your boyfriend is not grown up at 31 im sorry but he probably will not grow up. My dad is in his early 40's and he isnt at all. Sad but true. I know i still need to but you know what, when it comes to things, its sad when i know how to do it better than them when i've never had to. Honestly Laurisa's trying to give advice based on the child. I agree but i dont. Just like circumcision, its part of the child but how do you know whats right?! The difference is, you get to know someone, therefore you can choose what is right and what is wrong.