Hi everyone. I've been battling depression for about 6 months now and some days I feel good and some days are horrible. I moved to NYC a few weeks after high school graduation to study performing arts and I met my ex boyfriend only a week before my graduation. Going away and being on my own with no experience was hard enough without having to deal with a relationship that I really really wanted. I ended up leaving the school and coming home to be with him because I couldn't focus only for him to break up with me a few weeks later. I tried to deal with a lot of feelings I've never had before and I failed. I made a suicide attempt because I wanted nothing more than to be put out of my misery. After telling my mom about this I was put into a psychiatric institute for a week and I got a lot better. Ever since then though I've been up and down. Recently I've started to become anorexic. There are so many reasons for this and my reasoning changes almost everyday. Some days it's about him and about being skinnier than any of his ex girlfriends. We are both dancers so all of his ex's were very skinny...skinner than me. But, there's no chance we'll ever get back to together because guess what he's gay. And don't get my wrong I support him no matter what he is who he is and I'm proud of him, but that doesn't take the sadness away. When I feel very depressed and hopeless I like being anorexic for two reasons. One is that it's a way to control my emptiness. I'm constantly feeling empty but I can't control that, this way I am physically empty and it takes my mind off of anything else. The second reason is that I want to get to skinny and awful looking that my physical appearance shows what I feel like on the inside. I also cut a lot. I'm not sure why this helps but it does. My parents believe I'm fine right now so I'm going back to NYC to school in a couple of weeks which is what I want. And I'm also talking to another guy who is an NYU student and he's very sweet so I should be happy right? Nothing is easy and my life is out of control. Anyway, If anyone has any advice for me that would be amazing and also I'm a great listener and I'd be happy to share anything with anyone and try to help you out myself!
hey kayyy... you are a wonderful human being and a brave soul who has been through much trauma.... You are doing the right thing going back to school and talking to that new guy... dont sell yourself short.... depression isnt an overnight thing... it will take time... my best friend of over 20 years just dumped me because i had a nervous breakdown... it has been over a year and i still miss her... although i am finally adjusting to life without her... honey it will take time....but you will get better... get a therapist if you can... and i am here for you buddy...
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