Animosity In Merging Families

He has a sister who is 14 so they got along well..

since we have tried to make this a union, it was starting off well, until my daughter heard us arguing.. and him basically cussing and hollering..

I played my part in our disagreements but it was him who was always heard by my daughter.. lots of things he would say would be pretty demeaning.. but due to his bipolar status i knew he really didnt mean the things he'd get upset about and we would be fine later but my daughter hated this and since she has manifested a sort of hate for him, i should say.. although he was wrong doing and saying things i understood the position of a bipolar supporter.. now that we have a son together. i am feeling like it is really unfair for my daughter to have to have gone through some of this stuff with us.. although i am able to forgive she is having a hard time with it all..

My daughter his stepdaughter, because her biological father passed away because of suicide has some issues with a two parent household, even when it was her father that was there she still had issues with it..

From what I can see, I think she feels like she needs to protect me ,so she jumps into the arguments I have with her stepfather and thinks she is helping me.. on 2 occasions she came out of her room to state her peace and this caused a physical wrestle between the 3 of us..

every time she jumps into our fights she makes things worse and I try to explain to her that this is not her fight but after time goes on it builds up in her.. and she is like why are you still with him when he talks to you this way, why do you want him around you. and i explain to her that this is not who he is when certain arguments happen.. she doesnt understand the illness, nor care to.. but most recently, at busch gardens we were online getting ready to upgrade these gift passes she and I were going back & forth at it.. so much that my fiance was like you guys are getting on my nerves with this mess you both need to shut the fuck up.... ok, that was raw but she took it as a direct hit to her pride and started to scream and holler, you have no right to tell me to shut up fuck you, you motherfucker all kinds of cursing "you aint my father you aint shit to me I dont have to listen to you..I will kick your ass like i did before.. referring to the last wrestle match where she punched him in the face.. what she forgets is that we started a new family, she calls his mother grandma, she calls his sister sister.. but then you hate him. not for what he did to you for how he treats me at times.. this has got to be a normal response..

Im am in shock, she blatantly disrespected herself, her step dad and me in public.. she felt like he had no right to interfere in our argument, but what is funny she always jumps in ours and that is something that just hit me.. i must point that out to her later.. any way.. when you literally demean someone in public like that, you are truly asking for something. He stood there in line for a second in shock and said oh no.. got out of line and went over to her.. he says he was going to let her know she was out of place.. his sister figured it would get violent so she jumped on his back still he and my daughter were in a wrestling match again rolling on the ground in the busch gardens entrance.. now mind you no one started to punch anyone or stomp it was a wrestle pulling match. of which i had to jump in and separate, i am so disappointed with the both of them.. i dont know if im wrong for making them apologize to each other.. Does my daughter think i am choosing him over her? how do you deal with animosity when disrespect gets involved? She should have never cussed at an adult like that, and he should have never tried to discipline her at the same time, but do I blame him for that, am i wrong for thinking that he was supposed to let her know that it wasnt cool to do that..whether by shouting, or wrestling, oh god i don't know what to do.. the one thing that they didnt think of was the baby, how the baby could have been destroyed by their actions... is this fixable, or am i fighting a losing battle that needs to end in separation.. help me please