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02/02/2009 04:31 PM

Playing the "evil step mother" card

Posts: 1
New Member

Ok so brief intro... I recently got married after 3 years of dating. Since the beginning I have been a part of my step aughters life (since she was 16 months). Back then, everything was nice and peachy. I played the role of "mom" and was not bothered whatsoever. I spent a lot of alone time with her and was always willing to be there for her. I would take her of her when my boyfriend was working. I made the goodies bags for her school and signed her up for Gymboree (all out of my pocket) and made it an issue for it to be routine to go with her bi-weekly. Do we get the point, yes I was super step mom, but at some point something changed. I don't know if its the fact that I felt under appreciated or what but I just started feeling resentful towards her. The situation has only gotten worse. Everytime she is at our house it is a constant argument. I automatically switch when she is here. I am totally aware that I am being a ***** but I cant help it. My husband only makes it worse by telling me that he hates me and I know that is because of her. IT seems as though every time she walks through that door the peacefulness in this house seems to dissapear. I know if she stops coming here, it will only make him resent me. I know I have to play my cards smart because that is his kid. I know its jealousy, I am not oblivious to the situation. I wish I could make this stop, but it doesn't.

Around Oct. I spent alone time with her in efforts to make everything better, but as soon as my husband got home I just switched. To some extent, even though she is almost 5, I know she does stuff jut to be spiteful (yes, young children are capable even if its subconsiously). I need help. I dont want to fail at my marriage after 5 months over someone that is here only 4 day out of the month. On top of it all, she will be staying with us for 2 weeks bc her mother decided to get pregnant out of nowhere. I dont find it my problem to take care of her and on top of that I dont want her here bc I dont and hsouldnt feel awkward in our house. Advice to all: Never date anyone with kids ;/Shocked


02/09/2009 01:18 PM

I'm trying to see where you're coming from here. I also have a step-daughter and 2 step-sons. Sometimes they compete for attention from their Dad by any means necessary. They did a lot of "testing" when they were younger. I honestly did not know how to handle it and did not listen to my husband. He told me to ignore it. I was offended and thought he wasn't taking my side, but have grown to realize I am the grown up here and there are no sides. I have to be the bigger person. It is hard to ignore things when I saw them almost ganging up against me. Then with his ex-wife...another story! But not falling into that trap helped. What's going on with you?

02/11/2009 03:29 PM
Posts: 160
Senior Member

hate to say it to you... this is not a steop child thing it is likely jsut a stage... i am going through a simmilar thing with my 5 year old a the moment and i am telling you to stick it out... be the adult and do stuff with her that is fun... if you make it a torture time shse will make it torture for you...

enjoy it, she is only a kid... they are impressionable, you dont have to be perfect jsut try to enjoy being with her because if she senses your resentment hey she will definatley give it back...

try to stay positive, go to the park, read books let her her play games kids love that and maybe you can reignite yur care and love of theis child...

dont punish her becasue of what her mother does either... that is not fair..

also i wish you luck lert me know how it goes..


02/20/2009 10:51 AM

I agree. Just look at her like a kid and not a step kid. If you can. I know it's tough with all of the ex-baggage and everything. Everytime I think we have been through everything, something else happens. But it is tough. The ex's sometimes use the kids against (not new news) each other instead of moving on with their lives. The kids are innocent pawns - even though they cause problems, they are being used and don't know it. But they get older and figure it out. I'm seeing for myself with my stepkids.

I know how it is. You want to scream............

Good Luck.


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