This is an article I ran across on the net that talks about why men marry some women or choose not to marry others; their views and whys/why nots. It is interesting. Which part do you women agree with? If some of you men are reading this, what about your comments?
It almost lost me at the very beginning. "Time is running out—use time wisely in your search for the marrying man." Seriously? I would have waited until I was 80 if I had to. Even then, I wouldn't be in any kind of rush. I've known so many women who have some kind of mental timeline and ended up in a marriage with someone they didn't even know or like. I can agree with loving yourself, warning traits, character, and moving on from dead end relationships. Parts of the "What Kind of Women Get Married" just reeks of desperation. "Don't be the last one on the bus!" Ugh. Crap like that just irritates me.
Also, "Just relax and enjoy your stay on the pedestal (because it's likely to be brief)." Screw that. I'm still up there and I'm not coming down.
Oh, and I just had to comment on this:
"◦ Most men propose after going out with a woman for 18 months.
◦ If at the end of 22 months, a man has not proposed, the chances that he will start to diminish.
◦ For 3.5 years, the chances diminish gradually. After that, it plunges. After 7 years, your chances are virtually zero."
Phew!!! 6.5 years, I just barely made it!!!
O.K. I made it to the end. I have an idea. Stop looking. Be yourself. Don't ask. Don't follow a plan. Enjoy your relationship and let it progress naturally. And for god sakes, eat the ice cream and be a tubby if you want to!
Post edited by: bethb2004, at: 08/18/2011 04:08 PM
hahahaha! I knew someone else would find this site quite interesting. It is about a book that was written by John T. Malloy. It starts out with this statement:
This book is based on over 3,000 interviews conducted by Molloy and his researchers.
Further down in the article, this little tip for women (lol ) caught my eye:
"Consider unpolished jewels, men who are just as nice, intelligent, hard-working, but lack looks, height, or social skills."
In my opinion, I don't think men or women, either one, should overlook the "unpolished jewels" of the opposite sex when considering asking someone out for a date or possibly to marry. It is interesting that Malloy's researchers thought it noteworthy to mention that women shouldn't "overlook" a diamond in the rough, so to speak. But I think it is important for men to see this truth, as well.
Next little tidbit of info that caught my eye:
1. Men are attracted by the physical, but marry character
I kind of like what I read in that portion, if men actually believe that way....but I'm not sure I believe the part in parenthesis on #2....alls I'm sayin'
So, I asked my hubby to give a little input....He said:
He doesn't agree w/the second part of 1a. He thinks #2 isn't true for most men. #3. Made him laugh. #3a He believes is true. #3b He thought was a joke. #3c He says that is true and that all men should be proud of their wives. #3d He says he doesn't know HOW that could be true, even though alot of people say it. #3e My hubby said I definitely wasn't wearing a sexy outfit the very first time we went out...he reminded me that I was wearing overalls on a college hayride...lol
I don't know if any guys will see this, but if you do, let us gals know what you find to be true or not....It's all in fun, anyway. Sumpthin' to lighten up things a little bit!
Mr. Malloy travelled in a time machine and interviewed women from 1952!!!!!
Seriously! "Don't be the last one on the bus." Marriage is a bus?
But the part I found most interesting (and had me laughing) was the part about good looking guys:
"4. If you want to marry a man who is more attractive than you, go for a very good-looking man because he will actually place less emphasis on looks. Women see their own looks as a gift of nature equal to or superior to brains and talent. In contrast, 67% of very good-looking men think of their looks as a minor asset, and say they would rather be smart, rich, or talented. Do the following:
a. Approach him. Very attractive men don't make passes at women because they don't have to.
b. Let him put you on a pedestal. Don't treat him any differently than you would another man, just because he's good-looking.
c. Let him see your talents and accomplishments. Very good-looking men often marry women who have qualities they lack—education, professional accomplishment, social standing, andambition.
d. Make demands on him. Advise him to go back to school or get a better job.
5. Making a good impression on his family is almost as important as making a good impression on him."
Dang! You mean I should have been making passes at hot guys all these years???? Why didn't somebody tell me!!!!!!
I agree that if you are dressed like a prostitute, you will likely not be viewed as wife material. What is the flip side to that? I think it would be this, addressed to men:
"Gentlemen, if you are wearing something that is stained, with the sleeves cut out, with your pants around your ankles and your underwear hanging out, and you are unkempt....the only woman you are likely to attract as a wife is hoarding cat lady who sees you as a person who won't object when she turns the tub into a massive litter box."
Post edited by: marriedtoit, at: 08/18/2011 08:49 PM
LOL MARRIED!!!! Have you been watching "Hoarders" on television, again!!??? hahaha!
08/18/2011 09:38 PM
Posts: 11091 Group Leader
Lollipop, some of your daughters must have been looking for men when The Rules were the way to go.
Be a “Creature” Unlike Any Other
Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)
Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
Don't Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
Always End Phone Calls and dates First
Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday.
Fill Up Your Time before the Date
How to Act on Dates 1,2, and 3
How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time
ALWAYS end the date first
Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
Don't Rush into Sex, Wait at Least Three Dates
Don't Tell Him What to Do
Let Him Take the Lead
Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him
Don't Open Up Too Fast
Be Honest but Mysterious
Accentuate the Positive & Other Rules for Personal Ads
Don't Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)
Don't Date a Married Man
Slowly Involve Him in Your Family & Other Rules for Women with Children
Practice, Practice, Practice! (or, Getting Good at The Rules)
Even if You're Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules
Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends & Parents Think It's Nuts
Be Smart and Other Rules for Dating in High School
Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College
NEXT! & Other Rules for Dealing with Rejection
Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist.
Don't Break The Rules!
Do The Rules and You'll Live Happily Ever After!
Love Only Those Who Love You
Be Easy to Live With
Grr. These just make me want to be an Exterminator! (I haven't watched the hoarding show in a while....but boy, watch a few of those and they are with you for a lifetime.....maybe I should go throw some stuff out right now!)
08/18/2011 09:43 PM
Posts: 11091 Group Leader
Actually, I agree with ONE of those. Don't accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday.
But "Don't discuss the rules with your therapist" was a clue that these were BAD NEWS.
08/18/2011 10:03 PM
Posts: 813 Member
I've actually done a few of those things with my husband, but it wasn't because a book told me to. I always returned phone calls, but rarely initiated them. I just kind of figured if he wanted to talk to me, he would call. Plus, I HATE being on the phone. We also only started out seeing each other once or twice a week and gradually increased our time together from there, until eventually he came over one day and never left. (Ooops. We lived together. FAIL!) Also, I waited on the sex thing for more than three dates. Oh, and he never let me pay for things, unless it was a round of drinks, so the dutch thing never happened either. And he did buy romantic gifts at first. Until he bought me a pot belly pig for Christmas....
08/18/2011 10:16 PM
Posts: 11091 Group Leader
What's scary is to see young women all concerned about following some sort of "make him chase me" guidelines. Not being desperate--GOOD thing. Being so craven for male companionship that you count the number of emails you send (send ONE email to FIVE of his, said a more recent version of the rules)?---a recipe for disaster, I think.
Wait....I guess I just figured out what I hate about these things. They are about being DESPERATE. Only you are so desperate you act COY instead of just reaching out via phone or email or text.
The best advice I could give to anybody seeking a relationship? Be comfortable in your own skin first. Like yourself. Be okay with yourself. Enjoy your own company. Develop your own interests. A relationship should not fill up a hole inside you. A relationship should....okay, straining against this metaphor now....be like a new garden? Where you have to dig new holes to put in new productive plants?
Okay. Icky image. But hopefully you get what I meant....
08/19/2011 05:48 AM
Posts: 4891 VIP Member
I have seen women who try sooo hard, seem sooo desperate, that they never are able to find anyone decent or for long term. My cousin was like that and my neighbor IS like that, I suspect. But I think when you live your life, stop looking, you will eventually bump into someone... OR not. It can't be the focus of anyone's life. I think when you start thinking like the guy who wrote these "rules", you live an unfulfilling life thinking you SHOULD have so much more and if you don't, there's something wrong with YOU, not all the choices that are out there.
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