Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

@Silverlock, I am also BP type 1, rapid cycling, but I am medicated now after being diagnosed in 2000, yet didn't fully accept the disorder until 2010, nor was I aware of how PROACTIVE you have to be while BP, so do the spouses. While manic, I was on top of the world and very popular, so I thought, probably more of an annoyance. I can also tell you from first hand experience that alcohol or drugs only fuel the mania she definitely sounds to me like she is in. Mania is not something you want to wait on or hope to get better, especially if there is alcohol or drugs involved. She is probably viewing you as the enemy right now, because your trying to stop the mania that she is probably, to me, most definitely sounds like she's in. She is probably not even aware that she is in mania, so to her she is not aware of her behavior because her mind has has control of her instead of her being in control of her mind. For me I also felt like a "zombie" when I was on the meds, because my mind was used to being free to think and do whatever it wanted before. The meds take the edge off emotions as to keep you from getting out there to far, or from being sucked into depression, as they are triggers for most of us. Also, as far as the brother situation and her being at home by herself, to me, anything that throws my routine off will eventually set me off, good or bad. Although I'm now medicated, I'm more in control of it, but still have that problem. If she doesn't get to her Pdoc soon and continues to drink, I would really start becoming worried that psychosis will soon set in as it did to me. After being manic for awhile, the mind starts to turn on you eventually and you start having these perceptions that people are talking about you, conspiring against you, etc. etc. Paranoia really starts to set in, that's usually right before I was either about to go into psychosis, or I was going to crash soon. Buckle up, this is going to be a long hard ride on the BP roller coaster if you guys make it, which I pray y'all do. If she is medicated well and just tries to be patient, which is one of my biggest flaws, she will see the "zombie" feeling goes away after awhile when you get the right med combo. Hang in there, when WE BPS are SICK, we push the ones we love the most away. Why? I have my own opinions why but you are probably still experiencing that part of it. I wish the best for you buddy and pray you two have the strength to make it past this.

@Lolli, would you mind if I PM you to ask you a few questions about your stable BPS as to not mess this thread up?

Also some of the meds to immediately bring the mania to a halt as I've discovered, are Seroquel, risperdone, or if psychosis sets in as it did to me on several occasions, Haldol. They can either inject Haldol or they also have a pill form. There is no easy way of talking with a manic person, it's like arguing with a tree. Sometimes you just have to wait for them to hit rock bottom before they come out of mania. It's all a matter of whether or not your willing to accept the reality of your life now, or you have to set guidelines and as they are called on here, deal breakers. Just remember when talking to a manic person, an ultimatum is like a threat, which makes mania turn very defensive and aggressive. AS hard as it is to do, try and let the negative comments and the belittling of you make you think they really feel that way. It is their perception of how things are at that time, not reality. This disorder is very complicated, don't bother making sense of nonsense as that's what their saying, nonsense.

Yes, hooba, you can pm me anytime!!!

Well, it looks like waiting till tomorrow was even too late. I just got a call from her brother and I am leaving right now. It seems she has been sleeping with a bartender for two weeks. That is the last thing I expected. Wish me luck. I am going into the house with a camera when I get there in 5 hours. I am not leaving till she gives me all the cards and checks she has.

Oh Silverlock, I was afraid of that, they are just not in their right mind when manic. Do take all of the finances you can away from her and protect yourself financially. I am so sorry this has happened, get her to the dr asap, I wish you luck! Be safe, be calm.

Post edited by: hopefulcb, at: 03/20/2012 09:12 PM

I'm so sorry Silverlock. Try to stay calm. You can get through this. Sadly, this is often a BP symptom.

Silverlock, Welcome to the group.

Wow. Since you joined our group you have found out that your wife had a manic hypersexual episode that involves cheating. I think it is a (very very sad) record that someone joins and in the same day finds out about a hypersexual affair.

Everyone deals with this differently. Whether you stay or go....we are here for you.

It is GREAT that you are securing your finances. Do not leave your wife with ANY possibility of racking uo debt. If you can't get custody of her credit and ATM cards, do what I did---call the card companies and report them stolen. Have the new cards sent to your workplace, not your home.

I would have a person you trust there with you when you confront her. Your emotion are understandably high and she very well will be irrational and lash out. Do not let this get any worse.

We are here.

(LIKE LIKE LIKE)

So sorry. The best thing I can say to you in the way of comfort is that if your wife is truly bipolar and in an episode due to the stress from the deaths and stopping her meds cold turkey....then whatever dumb, hurtful thing that she is saying to you will not be the "real her". Try (and I know this is SO HARD) to not allow her words and actions to drop down into your heart and register as "fact". Her brain chemicals are screwed up right now and she may actually believe that she is unhappy with you and that this bartender is the "one". But, when she stablizes, she will more than likely be so turned off at her own behavior. It's just figuring out HOW to get her to see a doctor and then the doctor will need to hear all of her "before, during, and after behaviors" to truly see if she is in an episode. When I discovered my husband had been acting out with this one woman in particular, I became furious. It's interesting, he was sort of going in and out of lucidity at that time and my fury and bad words knocked him back a notch or two and he really started crashing into depression, which is a bad thing, but he didn't care anything about that woman and when the mania started lifting off of him, he was appalled at his own behavior. There were alot of guilt feelings...still are. But he's doing better. Take care.

And one other thing, this will irritate your wife and I don't even know if you can do it without losing your composure, but some folks on here have contacted the persons who have been sucked into their loved ones sordid hypersexual actions, while manic, and "informed" them. You said your wife didn't tell you until you had been together for quite awhile.....she probably won't be telling that now, either. It may not make a difference for now by him knowing, but I bet it will put a little "bug" in the back of his mind for anything unstable she may do, say, or illogical actions for now. Maybe he will back off. Some of the people will back off, although there are others who won't. Like the woman my husband got tangled up with. Their whole thing (the sexual part) lasted from Jan 27 - Feb 10. But she hung on writing him emails until nearly July, which I personally feel contributed alot to his lack of ability to stablize. She also knew he was married. So, I struggled alot with hate for her. I actually felt a little sorry for her in the beginning because although I was angry, I knew she had been sucked along thinking he did care for her while he was in his full-blown mania. But when I found out she was persisting, I really started having my worst feelings of all for her. Thankfully I FINALLY got past those feelings.