Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

I have been marrried for 14 years and have been through so much regarding spouse's bipolar disorder . On the eve of Hurricane Irene, we live up North, he was on private browsing, on a dating site. He quickly exoted out adn nealry jumped out of his seat. His response, I was researching Bipolar disorder and I wanted to do it in private so I would not have a history. He has been unemployed from 2006 to 2009 and now again since January. My 12 year old wants to know why dad is so odd, like he is in a fog all the time. He ignores my son and myself. He claims he has a job but they havent paid him yet. I am at aloss. Oh and I forgot to mention, he has spent 12 of our 14 years meeting other women and looking to meet other women. He told me 2 years ago he stopped and wanted to be clean with me. I gave him a chance. Any thoughts?????? he has been on lithium since jan, i cant see how its working. or is this his choice and simply him.

Can you call and speak to his pdoc? It sounds like he needs a med adjustment and possibly some therapy. I am sorry you are going through this right now. I know how hard it is, my husband did the same thing before diagnosis and the right meds. Its degrading i know and it hurts like he&&.

I agree with hopeful, meds don't seem to be effective. My husband was on lithium for a few months and he cycled up and down just as much as he ever did. Changed to lamictal and (with an attitude change) he has been doing so much better. Back to the guy I married.

I don't know, if he has been chasing other women for 12 out of your 14 years married together, you must feel pretty crappy about your relationship. I think this behavior is unacceptable and seriously, if he doesn't make some changes, I would question his reason for staying in the marriage. What have your reasons been for staying in the marriage? I'm sorry, I just can't imagine what it must be like for you and your son.

I hope that your coming here will give you a little insight into the lives of other spouses of people with bipolar. You are not alone, his behavior is typical of a person with bipolar who is not stable. I hope something can happen so that you don't have to live this way anymore. Either he gets proper treatment with you on board, or you go your separate ways if he isn't willing to make living with him not just bearable, but fulfilling. Please keep posting!

marienoel, Can I ask you a question? You can ignore it if it is too buttinsky or personal or painful. Why are you still with him? He has been seeking out other women for 12 of the 14 years you have been together? That sounds like it would just eat away at YOU over time. Maybe you are so numb by this. Living with an untreated or improperly treated bipolar person can be traumatic. (understatement) But I just wonder why you are even with him?

Your son sees the truth. Dad is NOT right.

Someone who strays during a manic episode can be forgiven. We have many members who have endured that sort of infidelity and have stayed with their spouses. But cheating (or looking to cheat) for 12 of the 14 years you were together? I hope you will read around here and see that those of us committed to our bipolar partners would in NO WAY put up with that kind of behavior.

Oh dear! reminds me of my ex. He spent all our time together looking to meet other woman, texting, phone calling, messaging and even cheating on me with other woman. When i found out about it i broke his phone, called him a lying, cheating, abusing manwhore and told him that i hope he will never be happy. He has an STD, gave it to, doesnt tell all those woman he has it, and i said after that and i quote 'I hope you mess with the wrong woman and get your butt kicked'. I have no clue how you could stand this for so long and not have killed him (just joking on that one).

I think you should really sit down and think about how and why you want this relationship to work when hes doing nothing but disrespecting you every time. You need to talk to him about this and put up some boundaries and if he refuses kick him out. Go make an appointment with the pdoc and have his meds changed, lithuim didnt work on my ex and in fact he stopped taking it when he was doing so well. I think he needs to be on a different mood stabalizer and an antipsychotic it sounds like.

Well, well, well....infidelity and bipolar and a wife who loves a man but he just can't seem to stablize and just won't seem to stop his womanizing ways....hmmmmmmm. To be honest I don't have much good to say. And you know the old saying, "if you dont have anything good to say, don't say anything." But since you seem to really be having a hard time with all of this and want our input...I'm going to says the following:

1. If your husband has bipolar, he needs to go see the pdoc again WITH YOU by his side and together you make sure the pdoc understands the behavior your husband is exhibiting. Maybe he needs a med change.

2. You tell your husband that if that check he's waiting on doesn't get there soon, and he doesn't quit frequenting those those dating sites, etc that you are seriously thinking about making some changes around there. But don't tell him this unless you are REALLY ready and mean it.

He sounds like he may be bipolar with the isolation and stuff, but I don't know why he wouldn't be stablizing, etc. Do you see him taking his meds? I would make sure you see him taking them. When was the last time he had the prescription filled? Are you beyond a shadow of a doubt sure that he is taking the lithium?

Your husband is in a fog possibly because he IS still unstable. It takes time to get those meds right and to find the best cocktail of medicines for each person. Everyone is different.

My huband cheated on the computer last year. My husband has a very serious form of bipolar disorder...Bipolar 1 and he also suffers with catatonia. He had his chance, too. I think the chance you gave your husband 2 years ago was very generous. I would give him a heads up about the changes he will be making or the big move he'll be taking.

He's acting up and if he's stable, then you may have hit the nail on the head. He may be doing it because he is just plain old being himself.... But check out the bipolar and everything first, to make sure he is everything he needs to do do physiclly. Just to be sure.

Think about everything before you approach him.

It doesn't sound like the meds are working, and an adjustment is needed. Meds are only part of the puzzle for my husband. My husband needs behavioral therapy too in order to have a chance at success. My husband's sexual compuslions are obsessive, and his psycologist has worked with him to reduce anxiety and channel his compulsions into constructive self esteem boosting activites, rather than destructive things that make him temporarily feel better about himself.