Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Thank you ladies for all the support! Wow, Married is right the sisterhood here is amazing and beautiful! The understanding, compassion and support we all give and receive from each other here is a treasure!

I have come up with a plan about the locks. It is considered "antagonistic" to change the locks and a judge may frown upon it. What I am planning to do is leave the door handle lock the way it is and allow him to keep the key to it. I will then change the deadbolt lock and tell him that I am doing so. I will tell him that I will be locking the deadbolt at night because I do not want him coming in unannounced and startling me, however if he needs access to the house for some reason he can either come when I am home (but before I lock up for the night - 8pm)or if I am out I will leave the deadbolt unlocked so he can access through the handle lock this way I am not preventing him access other than when I am asleep. I think that's reasonable and fair. I will discuss this with the lawyer on Monday as well.

Letting go doesn't mean you don't care (I miss him like crazy and always will), it just means you realize the other person doesn't care . I was my own worst critic. There wasn't a person on the planet who judged me for leaving him...except for myself. I'm with Zengirl, on this Kalissalea, "you rock"! This is sooo true!

Thanks again for the overwhelmingly positive reinforcement and support!

Sounds like a reasonable and fair plan as far as the locks go. I think I'd want to be there if he needed access, but I'd have someone else there too, just to keep things safe.

I agree with Wife, when I read your idea on the boltlocks. I would also want to be there with him if he needed to come over- along with a friend. I wouldn't feel comfortable just allowing him to show up during the day with his mental stability. I think that is only fair.. Is there anyway to get him off your lease? I feel if the cops did need to be called he was atleast off the lease.. With him on the lease he can come and go as much as he pleases......Thats not what you want!

My husband knew since our house was also in his name he could do whatever he wanted to the house and come and go as much as he pleased because he said "it was his house too." Thats how sick these people are- they have no respect for boundaries or space so make sure you cover your ducks. Im learning that you have to stay one step before them (which is exhausting )

I think that you came up with a good plan regarding the locks. And I agree that you should have a friend there if he comes over.

This site does rock, doesn't it?

I agree, you should not be alone if he is going to be there. Have someone else there, and don't leave him in the home alone, you don't want him taking things you value.

Sometimes it isn't even my husband that worries me. His family is just as unhealthy...particularly his sister. I could totally see one of them trying to hurt me. Particularly if they knew the value of my 401k. Until the divorce is final I can't take my husband off as the beneficiary of that account. There would be incentive for them if something happened to me. And of course they believe all of the things my husband has said about it being my fault.

Long story longer, protect yourself...from anyone who might try to hurt you.

PS I also bought two hand guns, and a keychain with pepperspray on it. I do it for myself, but also for my family and friends. They have been through enough. If something happened to me it would destroy them.

Thats exactly what I did when my husband left us. I never knew when he would walk in being manic and all, so I actually changed our keyless entry code for the bottom and changed the deadbolt. Ill tell you, the keyless entry was real handy because I was able to change the code many times, for many reasons. We must protect ourselves and our sanity.