Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

found a letter that had me in tears this morning was my daughter writing it to her mum, at counciling they have been engouraged to write down their feelings and burn them outside, i saw some burnt paper out back this morning so i thought when i picked it up it was just bits of scrap paper.

how wrong could i have been, my girl hasn't been talking about things much, although i have been trying to get her to open up with me, i had no idea of how badly she is affected by this and the hatred towards her mother was unbelievable, i cant say to her about it because obviously it is private to her, but she was expressing concerns about having BP and blaming herself for a lot of it, like if she behaved better etc,

any recommendations about how i can bring these subjects up without telling her i read the letter?

i feel like sending the letter to her mum to let her see the real damage she is doing with her actions but i doubt it would make a difference to her tbh, she is acting like she just dont care.

i am starting to have concerns about my girls mental state and happieness i think i need to speak to her about things, i just dont know what to say

Maybe you could start off the conversation by telling her how you feel and maybe that would open the flood gates. I think when talking to kids, it's better to be doing something instead of facing each other and just talking. Like go for a walk together, or do the dishes together. It seems to work better that way, takes the pressure off. If she won't talk, just validate how you know she's feeling by saying, "you must feel that your mom isn't being a very good mom right now" or something like that. Sometimes, depending on the kid, it doesn't take much to get them talking when they have a lot of heavy thoughts on their mind.

Thanks wife it's always good to have outside input. I gave her the letter back but said I never read it, she said I can read it if I want. I'll read it later then maybe talk to her about it if she wants. We have a meeting with their councillor on Monday so I might bring up some things there.

She gave you permission to read it. That's your "in" and a clue that she wants you to know what she is thinking and she wants your HELP in sorting it all out. And I would definitely take it with you on Monday.

It might also be worth while to do family therapy for you and your kids... It may help get things on track and allow healing to come in and see things from the counselors perspective... I agree with Wornout, thats your in! Let her know you are there for her and you love her deeply and she can always come to you no matter what she has to say... You sound like a great dad... I am proud of you and I know its not easy going through your situation and having the girls see their mom like this... I can't imagine how hard it is on them- but know your strong and your family is too and lead your family to stability and lead them to happiness... Where you go they will follow.. Maybe see about some outlets (healthy) that they can get involved with (you have us here a mdj) maybe you can find something for them? Or possible get them involved on the online support groups for teenagers with bipolar parent... Just a thought.

(((((HUGS)))))

thanks i see what you mean about her saying to read it. the counciling has always been all four of us untill my OH left, so now just me and the kids. its usually a weekly app, but he has been on holiday for a few weeks and i think the kids were glad when i told them he phoned me to arrange for Monday,

as far as outlets for them go there aint much going on around here but ive noticed a few forums for BP that include teens so i'll say to them to have a look.

Picked up the keys for the new house today, so their minds are a bit occupied argueing about bedrooms and colours etc, was so good to see them laughing and joking for a change, instead of being upset or down all of the time, now all i need is some money to pay for it all lol, their mum has given me £20 maybe $35-40 in the whole 8 weeks she has been away. i hate how she just forgets all responsibility and then wonders why the kids dont want to see her

That's a tough one... I know with my stepson being gone, I have thought about him so many times and wonder how he is but I won't call my husbands phone and my husband won't call mine.. A lot of things have been breaking around my house and I don't have any men in my life to come fix them.. but I have been managing- you will too.. At least your the responsible parent, the one who hasn't failed his kids.. Keep your head up..

I would like to MAGNIFY what wornout said about her saying you could read it as being your "in". SHE IS OPENING THE DOOR FOR YOU, now you just need to come inside and answer all of her questions to the best of your ability. Please reassure her that none of this is her fault!! As a child, I often thought things were my fault, it's not a good feeling to have. Put an end to her thinking that as fast as possible! Way to go for her for letting you read it and asking for help, which is really what she did. 2 thumbs up for her and you !!!

thanks all for the advice, im gonna tell her i've read it tonight then i'll speak to her about it, i really dont want her to think any of this is her fault, especially as her mum got her to go buy the weed that triggered the mania behind my back as i wouldnt buy her it,