Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Anyway, this confirmation was long awaited, and I am very grateful for it. It means that he may be much more accepting of his illness, and maybe finally get a grip on it. Accept it.

But, I find myself just realizing, that I am nervous most of the time. As I type this, the butterflies are churning in my stomach. I'm very jumpy, loud noises seem to make me want to go lay down and cover my head. I dread going to work. I don't feel like talking to anyone, especially my husband. Three weeks ago, while I was sitting in on one of his therapy sessions...we had had an argument before-hand, and he was such a zombie that he didn't realize that he was like in an altered state. So, his attitude carried over into therapy. I started crying like a little baby, but at the same time, I was so relieved for her to see him this way. Being hurtful, and seeing his eyes change.

But what I was not expecting was for her to recommend I see a therapist too. Which is GOOD!!! What I mean though is that when I had the idea to see a therapist to deal with caregiving concerns, my husband...bless his heart, "forbade" me from sharing our personal business. This was before he trusted a therapist. But now that I've been going and seeing a different lady than he does...she told me the other day, that she and his therapist get together and compare notes. It seems highly suspicious to me...seeing as how I am a skeptic about many things. (It's a conspiracy and all that)

So, two nights ago, he was in his "before-bed-Ambien-haze" and was talking some nonsense...and made the comment, "I feel like you're in there telling her I abuse you, and putting too much of our business out there." And he hinted that he would just let therapy go, so that I could continue...I don't get it.

Still have butterflies, gonna go lay down for a bit.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I can't wait to see what some of you have to say. I need some killer advice right now...some deep words of wisdom.

Same thing happened to us. I would join his sessions sometimes to discuss our issues, and his counselor suggested that I do individual as well.

I would encourage him (or you bring it up in a joint session) to ask about what information is shared between the two. Ok, as I type this, I think it is something that I would have to talk to his counselor about, he wouldn't do it. I would explain to her his concern, and that he is hinting about stopping treatment "so that I can continue." Which IMO is a bs excuse to give up.

Worst case, offer to go see someone outside of his clinic. I believe that at least at certain times we as their caregiver/wives we need help on how to deal with our issues. Also, he NEEDS to be in therapy. I know for me, stopping therapy before his counselor says he should would be a deal breaker.

I think you handled the off handed comment wonderfully. If he doesn't push theissue anymore, I would make his counselor aware, but then leave it at that and assume things will continue as is.

Have you always felt nervous like this? I know after my SO had about a year of semi-stability I started to feel that way. Like something HAD to happen to screw up all of this work! I ended up going to see my GP and started on anti-anxiety meds. They have helped wonders!

Also, I started on wellburtin a while back to help me quit smoking. I did quit smoking, and then quit the wellbutrin. Once I stopped taking it I realized that the antidepressant qualities were benefical to me, so I am taking that again as well.

I think you have PTSD. It is not uncommon for those who have lived through multiple manic episodes. A good therapist will help you out.

I agree that he is looking for a BS excuse to stop therapy---and you need to tell him he HAS to go. (Well, start with how important it is for him to fight this disorder...)

Here's how to perhaps help him with some self-awareness while you get the therapy you need. Ask him later on "You know when you were falling asleep the other night, and you said I was just using therapy to tell her how you abuse me? Why would you ever say that? Do you think you abuse me?" Focus on abuse, the word. See if he can unpack it. See if he can actually come to terms with his behavior, as he needs to do.

I kind of feel, today that this may be a precursor to another panic attack, but I haven't had enough of them to know what my body is telling me just before they happen.

Thanks for confirming my thoughts. That he may have just been talking from the effects of his meds. I have no plans on stopping therapy. Moving to another facility would be nice, but no others here take my Medicaid.

And to remind, we don't have joint sessions...I go to be there when his memory fails him about dates, people's names from the past, and so on. Sometimes a word slips his mind, and he looks to me to fill in the blank.

I am glad that you are taking steps to take care of you. Hang in there!

I admittedly have some issues with my mother, and her mother, that I need to sort out. Some childhood neglect issues and my loss of trust in my mother when I was at the very tender age of 16....That's probably a whole 'nuther support group story! haha

I have, not high hopes for my therapy...but hope, nonetheless.