Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

would like to tap into the vast experience of members on here

first id like to ask, has anyone managed to fix things for the better after a length of seperation? like have their parteners come to there senses and been able to work things out for the better?

my BPSO has ben away for 6 weeks now and it is now looking as though she is heading back up towards being manic again, i dont think she is on meds and my girl told her on the phone last night what she really thought, it ended quite badly resulting in my daughter telling her mum she doesnt love her(was an arguement over her mum lying about a guy i think).

what did you do to help resolve things? is it worth resolving? is it possible to rebuild the trust that has been lost?

we split for 6 months before we got married nearly 12 yrs ago(she was manic but undiagnosed), but this has been the longest spell since then, most others lasting only a 2-3 weeks,

just a few questions out of interest as i dont really have any emotional pull one way or the other, thb i dont know if i care any more

just think its always good to see others opinions and experience, it helps sort things out in my head lol

I think it really depends on how willing you both are to want to do the work to be together. My SO and I were technically seperated for appx 6 months during and right after his first manic episode. The whole time we were in contact (now though, I wouldn't have been. No need to hear the manic anger spew out at me!) once he started to see a pdoc, I started to talk about how we could fix us.

We are still in therapy and WORKING after almost three years... Trust is still an issue.

I know a lot of members here have given their spouse conditions for their return. Even if they are "walking the line" doing all they need to do to be stable, mania is a force of destruction. If you get back together there is going to be a lot of work to do, if you are even willing to take her back at this point.

In my case, it has been possible. My husband moved out in May 2009, didn't come home until May 2010, also lived with OW for 6 months during that time. He was terribly manic, made horribly destructive choices.

Once he hit bottom and reached to me for help, we went to the pdoc together, got him on the right meds and did some marriage counseling. Things are really good again, I like many have learned to separate the disorder from the person. I hated the mania, but never my husband, I just knew he wasn't himself. As long as he accepts his disorder and takes responsiblity for remaining stable, I have no problem repairing or marriage and making it even stronger.

thanks for the advice it does help a bit, i just hate that feeling of not knowing which way to go.

i have had no contact with her at all for over a month now as she thinks i changed my number, sometimes i think im doing the wrong thing not contacting, but then i think if i do im just opening myself up to the abuse she will give me and believe me i would give her a S**t load back, other times i think i should so she knows im here, it kinda messes with your head at times, so i wouldnt like to think how its messing with her head.

my daughter ended up shouting down the phone at her last week in their arguement and told her she did not love her(her mum), they haven't heard from her since then and that was a few days now, so maybe that will bring her down a bit and she may realise what an effect her actions are having, but i doubt it.

i know we could prob sort it out if we had a few hours to talk to each other, but it would be pointless if things just went back to the way it was before i told her to leave.

i really cant stand the physical and mental abuse any more and the kids dont need it either,

Post edited by: jonnyboy1, at: 07/07/2012 02:38 AM