Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Thanks Hope. I finally did get a hold of his pdoc and even he has said in the past he really likes her because she seems to really care about him.

When I talked to her, I told her he had been off his meds for some time, we were separated but I felt he was in some sort of mania/mixed mood for about 3 weeks now and I really didn't have the tools to cope with it and could I come in. She was really friendly and said absolutely but wanted his cell phone number.

I told her I would give it to her but now I am afraid to. I don't want him to think I am trying to fix him etc. Any advice?

I feel some hope because at least now I can talk to a professional that knows him.

What I realized when my husband was manic was I couldn't win no matter what I did, so I did what I had to do. What I mean by this is, no matter what I said or did that got my husband upset, I did anyway, because I realized he got over it real quick like. One night he got me so upset I vented my frustrations, he got upset and left, I thought he was gone until the next day, five minutes later, he called me and asked if I wanted to go to dinner. I learned quickly their mind is so distorted in their thinking, that I didn't have to hold back or not do things, because he wouldn't be harbored by him. This gave me a lot of freedom to feel comfortable doing what I needed to do to protect ourselves from his manic behavior.

I would give the dr his number, I don't think you have anything to lose at this point. If he likes her, maybe she can talk some sense into him. Many times is isn't the message, its the messenger, and I for one liked having someone else being the messenger if I didn't have to be. If he does get mad, I feel he will get over it, especially once stable again. He will probably realize, just like mine, that you did what you did to ultimately help him.

Yes, give the doctor his cell number. It couldn't hurt and it might help.

And sorry about the lengthy discussion of terminology. The flipflopping quickly emotionally is likely borderline disorder, but you are 100% right--what to focus on now is that he needs meds (for his BP) and therapy (for his BP and whatever else).

I hope the pdoc can talk sense into him!

Oh it wasn't your explanation, I think I was obsessively trying to understand all terminology from the web and it overwhelmed me. Is giving the cell phone number codep? I can't tell anymore because he is a grown man acting like a child and his aunt is his mommy.

No, no, no...definitely not codependent(this coming from someone who is a RAGING codependent). I have been told by many a drug and alcohol counselor and I will apply this to BP as well - "It is ok to do things for them if it pertains to their recovery". Meaning....if I have to call and make the Pdoc appointment because he is too depressed to get out of bed I will do it, if I have to sit next to him and fill out the paperwork at the Dr.'s office because it is genuinely overwhelming for him I will do it, if he wants me to come to an AA meeting with him I will do it, if I need to call the quacky Dr. who he's been seeing on the side and let them know he's been diagnosed with BP and an addict so they will recall the bad RX they gave him, I will do it. You are trying to get him help, trying to get him better....there is nothing codependent about that.

Mornings are not very good for me. I am up late and my kids wake me up early to feeling a lot of anxiety. Thanks for the encouragement. In the evenings I feel stronger and believe that things will get better. In the mornings I think WTH how did I get myself to this point?

In some ways I resent having to give her his cell phone number because I don't want to be his mother anymore. But, I know I have to detach with love, even though sometimes I don't feel loving towards him or his aunt. I will leave her his cell phone number and let you know what happens.

Just tell her you don't want him to know it came from you. If he is anything like my husband than he won't remember if he gave it to her or not and I am sure she can make it seem like she is just checking up on him. I know well that feeling of resentment, like you want a reletionship with an adult and instead you feel like you have another child. I am working on remembering that he is sick. It helps me feel less resentful if I can keep that in mind.

I also have the good and bad times. For me mornings are fantastic....my me time where it's me and the dogs and I don't have to think about anyone else. Evenings are the worst because it should be our family time, used to be anyways, but now I find myself playing single mom to the kids. It is sad to do everything without him, but life must go on!

Yup, I am trying to focus on that he is sick. I think I have more resentment when I think back to all the blame and shame he shifts on me.

My 4 and 9 year old are early wakers, so I think I am anxious because I am tired and facing reality that it is one more day alone, and realizing he is probably sleeping in at his Aunties!