Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

I am excited - and grateful. Him? Not so much.

We arrived at 2:15 for his/our 2:30 appointment. Spent the first half hour filling out a bazillion forms. Spent over an hour and a half with the pdoc. Long story short? I have been validated, thank you.

The pdoc took a really extensive history, IMO. And I do believe that it was a good thing I was there. Pdoc asked him about physical and emotional abuse. Hubby denied it. So, I grabbed the floor. "He remembers his parents chasing each other through the house with knives in their hands. That is emotional abuse. And his mother would regularly pack a suitcase after a fight with his father and walk out the door saying she was never coming back. That is also emotional abuse." To which hubby replied "Yeah, but she did it all the time, so I got used to it." Just never ceases to amaze me. He just doesn't SEE. He is in such denial about how his childhood affected his today. And I am convinced that until he does, he is never going to "get better."

I also told the pdoc that she bit him once in anger(she even admits it - and jokes about it, for God's sake - like she brags about being a "trigger" for him like it was a badge of honor). He seemed a little taken aback by that one. I shared my opinion - also shared by my late FIL. after he read up on BP following his son's diagnosis - that MIL was possibly undiagnosed/definitely unmedicated BP running on the manic side. When I described her as the plate throwing type, he quipped to hubby "So I guess paper plates were the order of the day." No, not really. FIL was in deep denial and just looked the other way, to the detriment of my husband (Yes, I will admit deep resentment).

Unless I was misreading the pdoc, it appears to be his opinion that hubby's current pdoc was "lacking" to put it nicely in the pharmacology department. No sh$%. I have been saying that for months. BP is a complex disorder. He is a complex case (several personality disorders on top of the BP). And she is simply out of her league. I think even hubby knows that deep down. But change is frightening.

I see big med changes in the future - thank the Lord! We left with one, to my amazement. (The doc we saw said he didn't want to be too aggressive on a Friday. Thank you sir!) He has sleep apnea. According to this pdoc, there is absolutely NO WAY he should be on Xanax. It is contraindicated in people with sleep apnea. And, in his opinion, an anti-anxiety drug should be a PRN. That would be my second "No sh$%." I know I have a hard time being the nurse instead of the wife where hubby is concerned and I have a tendency to doubt myself and my clinical knowledge. Turns out I knew more than I thought. At any rate, he ordered a new med - Vistaril (which I had no idea had anti anxiety effects)- with the Xanax only as a back up (and since he has been on it so long and it is addictive, I do not expect that he will be able to give it up cold turkey). So, I came home and removed the Xanax from both his AM and PM med vials. I suspect we may be in for a bit of a rocky weekend. Ah well. Monday he begins PHP 9:30 to 3:30 five days a week (only four the first week because of the 4th of July holiday).

He was hoping for IOP. I was actually hoping for hospitalization, because I could use a break (and I am oh-so-grateful that I can be honest about that here! Thank you everyone for being so non judgemental!)but am glad he is going to be going daily for at least the next nine days.

After the eval, we met briefly with his therapist - who I liked instantly. She will do an extensive eval on Monday and, if it appears necessary, was amenable to calling me at work and putting me on speaker if he was having difficulty providing information. I fully expect that. He has NO short term memory. I think the pdoc was a little taken aback by the 3 x 5 cards he brought with him. What can I say? We talked about it at length before hand and we were prepared!

So, that's the scoop from the WornOut household. Thank you everyone for your positive thoughts!

This sounds VERY positive!

I am so excited about this. I have felt since soon after you joined that your husband's pdoc was content with just medicating him to get through his workday and you know I always felt that WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH.

Woo-hooo! Happy dance!!! Happy Dance!!!!

But I am having a brain fart---what does PHP mean?

This sounds like a great plan and you are in good hands. So far it sounds like your patience is paying off. I am so happy you are finally on a good path to getting the help you need, it couldnt happen to a more deserving person, one of many on this board.

"PHP" is Partial Hospitalization, which is a six hours a day five day per week program (as opposed to IOP, which is a three hour a day three day per week program).

Married - I know you have felt this way about his pdoc for a long time. I think that she was just what he needed initially. He was extremely med resistant and I do not believe that he would have accepted the diagnosis if she had been more aggressive in pursuing adding a mood stabilizer to the mix. Initially she told him "depression" and then changed her diagnosis to "agitated depression." If he had researched it (like I did) he would have found out that the latter is just another way of saying Bipolar Disorder. However, he didn't (and still hasn't) research anything. And I probably laid the groundwork so that when she DID suggest adding a mood stabilizer, he didn't argue. And don't forget, she told me at least a year ago that she believes he has at least three personality disorders (borderline, narcissistic and dependent) but that she did not feel there was anything to be gained by sharing that information with him. I don't disagree.

I have suggested to him on numerous occasions that I think that it is time to move on Pdoc wise. He is "afraid." I guess I get that. Maybe by the end of this summer, he will have seen the light.

Thanks Hopeful! I so hope that we are finally on the right path!

Happy Dance here as well. Restrained for the moment. Need to get over the hurdle of xanax withdrawal first.

Hip Hip Hooray!!!!! I'm joining you in the happy dance! It sounds like it's just what he needs, even if it is partial days and not hospitalization. Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully he'll respond to the intense therapy treatment quickly and you'll get the relief that you need. So glad for you and mr. wornout (even if he doesn't appreciate it yet). Here's hoping to a calm weekend of xanax withdrawal.

Worn out I have high hopes that this is just what he needed and will be on the right track to being stable. SO happy for you!!

Thanks, Sally & Enough!. I am SO looking forward to finally, finally, finally being able to post that he is feeling better.

If he feels better, the entire WornOut household will most certainly feel better!

Post edited by: WornOut2, at: 07/01/2012 05:47 PM

Praying this is the ticket to a better life for ALL of you.

(Wornout, I hear you. I deserved that smackdown!)

Amen to that Wornout. You truly deserve this!

I am thrilled, to say the least, that this new pdoc has a different view of your husband's condition. Finally! Things are going to change, I know, and although this is scary, it is a good scary because no change means no change and this change gives us all hope for a better life for you and your entire family! The xanax withdrawal will be tough, but hopefully this new med will be a good alternative. I've never heard that xanax is contraindicated for people with sleep apnea. Good information. And I just LOVE the old pdoc's diagnosis of "agitated depression" for bp!!! That is pretty creative to call it something else and good for you for looking that up! I hope at one point waaaay down the road when he is in a better place, he will be told about his personality disorders (that is, if they still agree that this is the case). I do think now is not the time for him to know about that, it's really overwhelming. But in my opinion (whatever that's worth) I do think he will only fully realize what's going on with him in his head if he knows a name for it. And by that time, maybe he will take more of an active role in his own treatment and get the information he needs to understand what a personality disorder is and why they think HE has one or more.

Maybe after he's been there this week, they will see that full hospitalization is in order. This is really going to expose a lot of stuff he's been repressing for his entire life, I mean, to deny that he was emotionally abused as a child! I am so glad you were there to set the pdoc straight!!

Praying, praying, praying that this will be a GREAT thing for him and that it will be the start of a GREAT life for him and YOU!!! I really commend you for hanging in with him for so very long when life was so depressing. My hope is that he will have a major enlightening experience and be more equipped to deal with his own anxiety and not be so dependent on you for his emotional security. This is a big undertaking, and even though I don't know your husband at all (but I feel like I kinda do) I'm so proud of him for doing this for himself and for you. It's a gift.

I'll be thinkin' about you!