Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

just found out that when my kids were talking to their mum, she told them she didnt want to stay with her dad because she didnt trust them, when asked she didnt trust her kid and didnt trust anyone, obviously trust is a big issue for her.

if that is the case then how will she go hang about with people from the homeless unit?

i read a very good article that said in it that people who suffer from bipolar have issues trusting the people they love especially if there has been any type of abuse, or the death of a loved one. is this common?

it would that explain the trusting virtual strangers and not her family.

also she suffered abuse around this time when young and the aniversary of her mothers death is coming up in a few weeks, major triggering events for her.

could these be key factors in her behaviour just now even if not in a manic state?

I don't think she really trusts these strangers. Her MANIA knows that these strangers are not a danger. YOU and her KIDS are a danger to the mania. Strangers aren't.

I would think that the anniversary of abuse would be a major trigger. I know that anniversaries--of deaths, divorces, trauma--are major triggers.

thanks married, the kids say that she doestnt look or act much like being manic, they have seen this several times, they say more like a level bellow that(hypo?), but clearly still dilusional with her lies etc.

Post edited by: jonnyboy1, at: 06/29/2012 11:32 AM

There are a number of unstable states our SOs can be in--mania is the one we usually fear most, but depression can be REALLY nasty for some people, as well as mixed states. If your wife is not accepting reality, truly delusional, I don't know if that can come from a depression? I think that is usually mania. But I am sure delusions could also come from alcohol and substance abuse, energy drinks, steroids....so she wouldn't have to be manic, per se.

My husband was not always energetic when manic. If they are looking for her to be buzzed (like on a caffeine high), that might not be the only way she gets manic.

All this ^^ is merely because I am interested in knowing as much as I can about this disorder, and I know it might not make a difference in the shitty way she is treating you right now. I do know that if our spouses WANT to be unstable, then we, their families, become "the enemy" because we want them stable. Turning to strangers, making new friend at psych wards and homeless shelters and bus stops--this is VERY common. The new friends might even like the unstable person FOR their instability.

Married, what were some similar ways your husband would act when manic? And I know this sounds uneducated (but I am still learning) is manic and mania the same thing?

Mania is the noun and manic is the adjective. And why in fiddlesticks would anyone know all this???

Most people in mania: sleep none or little, overspend, engage in risky behavior, are hypersexual (this can range from excessively masturbating to being a horndog with the wife/husband to multiple partners almost always unprotected), have grandiosity (they are the best, know most, are above everyone), are very wound up (pacing, gestures), and engage in pressured speech (really fast)...

but I don't want to leave anything out, so here's psychcentral's def:

"Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity

Decreased need for sleep (e.g., one feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep)

More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking

Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing

Attention is easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant items

Increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation

Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)"

Now, what I meant by not all manias are alike--some people NEVER overspend, even when manic. Some never get hypersexual. Some people ONLY get hypersexual, but that is not bipolar mania. They need to have THREE OR MORE in that list.

My husband was usually pacing, pressured speech, overspending, and grandiose, but he could also be supernaturally quiet, listening very carefully, or maybe it was because he was in his own world in his head, but he was still, and not loud, not pacing, not agitated. He was kid of freakily calm.

I am just wondering if jonnyboy's wife could be having a freakily calm mania... Since delusions are usually not a part of hypomania.

Does this help?

married i get the freakily calm part, that is quite what she sounded like. the hypersexuality is what she allways does, in one way or the other,

i've come to the conclusion this is why she leaves, so she can say we are seperated, so its not like cheating to her.

the mistake we made was never talking about it. or i have not known about it.

i did not know of it as a symptom until lately as it always surounded the time of year she gets manic,

she has only had her diagnosis for 1.5- 2yrs and she never learned about it. more of the opinion that she will take meds and everything will be ok.

Post edited by: jonnyboy1, at: 06/29/2012 12:11 PM

johnnyboy1, many patients diagnosed with having bipolar don't educate themselves on it or were explained what it is all about. When my mom was diagnosed 13 years ago, the dr just prescribed the meds, told her take them and that was it, at the hospital after she attempted suicide for the 5th time. What many don't know too, is it is a progressive disorder. My husband had such mild symptoms until he was 24, then hardly any manifested again until he was 40 years old. The only reason I knew about what was possibly wrong was the experience I had with my mom, otherwise I probably would have just thought it was mid life crisis, he'll get over it.

The good news is, now you know and are a lot more educated about it. When she is receptive you can educate her more about it or help her to become more educated on it since it does effect the whole family, not just the one who is diagnosed.

Wow, my husband was freakily calm when I kicked him out. But he was intense acting... Acting very aggressive in a passive way... And had a scary look in his eyes- you could see his wheels spinning. I just knew he wasn't right. He was cold and distant and he claimed he was completely fine.. He didn't looks fine. Anytime I tried to talk to him he wanted to argue and would get highly irritated but in a calm freaky way.. It wasn't a relaxed calm. It was very strange... It's normally how he gets before he snaps and goes into a super big rage. Interesting and thanks for all of the info... I have read Wikipedia def. and several other websites. It helps to know the difference in different people

I'm reading another book on Bipolar and I wanted to share that I just learned that delusions and hallucinations can occur in both mania and depression, but they are much less common in depression. Of course there are the normal caveats that it could be that the patients actually also have another disorder in addition to bipolar or experiencing a mixed state/rapid-cycling. In short there are always so many possibilities that it is hard to pin down and say for sure!