Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Kali, I feel the same- I don't want the hate to touch me anymore either......

I feel like I'm so sensitive to it. My emotions are raw, that even though I know I've done the right thing and he is sick...it still hurts tremendously when he behaves like that.

I truly believe (at least for me) it's because i have taken the things my husband says to heart one min. But am expected to shrug the rest??? It doesn't happen like that. It's the emotional roller coaster- knowing they could become stable at any point but aren't willing to follow through the "bad/ manic" times gets super confusing for me personally. Also, my husband was my best friend and I really cared about him and when he would say mean things I would allow them to affect me personally and emotionally. My husband always used to say "I'm sorry I'm such an asshole, I know I can be so mean" however he didnt do anything to prevent those things. He wouldn't think what he said was that "bad." I know also for me I'm so broken inside after all of the damage, rages, insults, etc that I am more sensitive towards hurtful things. However, you have to remember the source... He may be hurt and so he is repaying you for his hurt. I am learning to quit wasting my time with trying to make crazy make sense or understandable

Kali, that is sad about the divorce. My wife kind of did the same thing. She just assumed one day we were already divorced and got mad when she found out it was not signed yet. She called me a sicko for trying to hold on to her and threatened to get an attny and file herself. I did all the work. I did all the filing and I got it done in a two month time frame, but she wanted to act all impatient , even though the only effort she put out forint was to go off her meds and start cheating. It is sad how the unstable person can expect everything handed to them and accept no responsibility.

Silverlock- Thank you so much for that. I think you are right...he just wants an excuse to act impatient and order me around. What is that?

Mazzy- I feel like the punishment aspect of my husband's behavior has more to do with his being abusive than BP...any thoughts? I feel like the BP just makes the abusiveness so much worse. It was something we were able to deal with and work on as a couple before...but when he is in an episode it's like 10 times worse and there is no working through anything. I think that's why people must say that BP doesn't cause abuse...it's already there...just magnified by the BP.

Anyone else having thoughts? I keep getting more texts from him today, I asked him not to message me anymore and talk to my attorney instead if he has issues. Hopefully that will put a stop to it. It's still very painful for me to hear from him...and it's usually him not being very kind.

From a BP P.O.V, in my own experience, I have to agree with you kali. One may have an abusive personality with or without having BP, the BP just intensifies it and makes it more explosive while having an episode. I have never been one to be abusive to anyone, not saying I don't or haven't ever had a temper, as I find myself easily upset with people who disrespect me(a problem I've gotten A LOT better at!) but I don't like abusive people. I think it is a cowardly thing to do and it usually wouldn't be done to someone who wouldn't take it i.e. someone who could or would defend themselves either physically or by calling the police and putting a stop to it.

While I was going through my episodes I was guilty of being emotionally abusive, saying things like I didn't love my wife or was never 'in love' with her etc. As soon as I would come back to reality, I would be extremely apologetic and remorseful, because I had no idea why I would say those sorts of things that were so out of character for me.This is by no means an excuse for my behavior and for the hurtful things I said.

Being BP, IMO, just makes you more impulsive and explosive while doing and saying things that are not typical of you. An abusive person doesn't have to be in an episode to be abusive to you, maybe less so while not in an episode, but that's there personality so again IMO the BP doesn't cause it, it only heightens it. That's just my 2 cents!

It's amazing, I look back now and I can't believe the stuff I put up with. He treated me very poorly, and I should not have allowed it to go on as long as I did. The good times were enough to satisfy me I suppose...enough to keep me around at least, and obedient. He always expected to be first on my list, even though I regularly occupied last place on his. Without the BP I probably could have muddled through, but the BP just made everything already there far too much for even me to take (and I can take alot). It has been scary, but this is by far the right decision for me. BTW, he has not contacted me since I asked him to stop, so that's good!

Glad to hear you are doing well Kalissealea.