Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Hey Silverlock, I went through this a few months ago when my husband initially left me. He would post things on the walls of friends of family and I was positive he was doing it to aggravate me. I send a personal facebook message to everyone I felt I was close to and would really miss the friendship if I had to cut them off. It was brief and it just stated that we were now separated because of the actions of my spouse and that it was a really hard time for me and my family. I let them know that it was their choice to continue a relationship with my ex but that their choice to do so would signal to me that they condone his behavior and they would be causing me further pain and stress. These people knew me and loved me and they did not hesitate to block him. The few that kept him as a friend rarely interact with him or me. I made my position clear and expressed my disdain up front. I felt really good about that. Good luck!

Post edited by: WillTryLv, at: 06/19/2012 11:07 AM

I wouldn't bother either - it just flames the fire, and deep down, you might be doing it to solicit a reply from your ex. I'm not on facebook at all, but the choice seems simple to me. If you don't want to read things about her, just ignore those messages. I guess you could unfriend any mutual friends you have too, but that's sort of cutting off your nose to spite your face. Would be better to just delete your facebook account altogether and not play favorites. Or, I think you can block a particular users comments, though I don't know if you can do that if the 2 of you aren't 'friends' on fb to begin with

Yep...you can and should block her. Believe me!! I've been blocked by quite a few people!! And, I've blocked a few myself. Facebook can be used for good or bad. I don't even think there's any in between. See, I think of it this way...she has not blocked YOU so she knows that you can see what she's up to. She's doing it on purpose to drive you insane and it looks like it's working!! Please, Silverlock....block her!!! No need for you to lose your fb over this. I know that I keep mine to stay up to date with friends that do not live close to me and to look at their family pics. This is sooo not worth it.

I like WillTryLv's advice!! That sounds more grown up.

I think I will look at blocking her. Though I think it was a good thing to know where this friend stands. My wife did too much to hurt me, and this person is one of the few people I communicated with that day. I would not have been updset if it had been one of the others that did not know how things went down that morning. Matter of fact, my wife reached out to another person that does fit that criteria, and that did not bother me so much. She was a friend that just knew we seperated, but not why. But this was another betrayal, and I am getting tired of betrayal.

I am glad you have come to your senses as you put it. Can't you just block her? That will eliminate all posts she puts any where including your friends walls that you share mutual with? I Hate Facebook. I learned a bit of the hard way through this relationship that it makes it all worse. I do not post Anything about my personal life and I don't have any mutual friends of his . Well I take that back there is one acquantience and I saw a picture of him in one of his posts. I felt really sad when I even saw that so I can't imagine how you felt with a whole conversation. I am sorry about all your Frustration today. I am not having a good day myself. I have been crying at work , in my car and on my lunch. I just want to go home and go to sleep. Tomorrow shall be better.

Silver- I'm glad you didn’t stoop to her level. I have often thought about posting something similar. Even going so far as to call her out as a lying, cheating, sl*t. But i never did. We are better then they are!

I think i mentioned this in your diary but i now have friends coming to me saying we had no idea she was that "crazy" and ended up defreinding her. As wife said you find out who your friends are i have to belive that most will realize. At least in my case most have realized. I never asked anyone to choose sides but i have to say in my case this has all been positive.

Thanks everybody. I have blocked her now. Though the thing that hurt the most was not her posting on my friends wall, it was my supposed friends response.

I run into it time and time again. Everybody blows it off as "Relationships end", or "midlife crisis". Nobody understands the compete devastation. Sure, lets invite an alcoholic over for beers.

This is my second marriage. I was divorced in my early to mid 20s from my college sweetheart. This is nothing like that. This is something far worse. Like I told one friend, this is like staying friends with a person that beat their wife, and telling the wife "well we like him too".

I guess all I can hope for is that she brings her new boyfriend along and acts like an ass. I am sure at least the husband will only be able to take so much if they show too much contempt for me.

Post edited by: Silverlock, at: 06/19/2012 02:06 PM

Silverlock, good on you for taking the high road!

That's character and emotional health.

I understand exactly how you felt. When my husband was manic he posted hurtful things and some doofus responsed. At the time I was in the middle of the storm but it still hurt! And then I realized, they have NO IDEA what my life at that time was really like. I ended up deleting my account and frankly am glad I did.

And yes, you do find out who your friends are.

Kitkat, the sad thing is this friend did know. This was one of the two people I talked to the day I found my wife with the other man. I described everything that happened in that garage that morning.

You know, if it really bugs you, you could send this supposed friend an email, like Willtry suggested, explaining why you are upset at his comment. See if he apologizes. If he doesn't, then you know what to do with him.