Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

I know that would have been next for me if I had not been able to move into my work apartment and get away.

It is scary how when in their illness they can turn on the ones they loved so bad. That is why they have to accept responsiblity and treat themselves. It is not just for them, but to protect the ones they love.

No Contact is the best thing. I know it is hard. I have been horrible at it myself. But every contact just gives them another opportunity to hurt us again.

Not trying to be cruel or insensitive, but let's see: 1) she abused you physically and probably verbally/emotionally 2)she split to join the army leaving you with all the responsibilities of home 3) she stays out late partying. 4)she abruptly leaves you. 5) the other night she used you for affection and support but doesn't offer it back in any consistent way.

So, over the course of the past year, what have you been getting out of this relationship in terms of pros and cons?

I know that's simplistic, but you need to evaluate what it is you love so much....her or what she was like when you first met? how much you've invested in the relationship? an idea about how your life should be? the codependent position? I'm just saying, the more I hear about this relationship, the more unappealing it sounds....what would it mean to "fix" it? Her leaving may be good for you because from what I'm hearing, being with her is not necessarily good for you.

I'm more concerned about your kids. If she is/was abusive to you, what makes you think she won't be abusive to them? If she was going out all night a few weeks ago, what makes you think she won't be doing that now, when she should be with the kids, when you could be with the kids....?

On the bright side I have started to notice a little spark of hate that has been growing for her. The more she hurts me and is completely irrational the more I really start to hate her.

Silverlock, I know no contact is the best option. In fact after this appointment we have Friday depending on what that doctor has to say depends on if I ever speak to this woman again except for discussing our boys.

I do have some really good news though! I received a phone call yesterday from ExxonMobil, offering me a job!! I doubled my current salary! Plus a company truck! WOOO

I hope all goes well with the dr. appt. tomorrow. Let us know how it goes.

Remind me again: how old are your boys? Are they with you? How are they coping with this change in their mother?

I think they are coping fine, but I have noticed she has been really short tempered with them the couple times I have seen them interact. Other than that I don't know I am hardly around and its only been about 2 weeks. Up until March they were with my exclusively because she was in the Army. So I know they are still recovering from that for lack of a better word.

I'm new to this group. Your discussion has helped me so much. Dvsmp - I can relate to how you are feeling about the no contact. Three weeks ago my SO stopped accepting my calls. We has been talking for a few months about reconciliation. Then nothing. My thoughts race. My emotions go on this roller coaster between fear and anger. I'm not sure if he is just screwing with me emotionally or if he is really not well. It is the worst feeling I have ever had. To feel love for someone like I have never felt before and then to have it suddenly ripped away by that very person. It makes me question my own sanity.

So happy for you and the new job though! Something new to focus on really helps. Gives me hope that I will find a job soon and have that sense of balance back in my life. Take care of yourself. Again, thanks for your words. Just reading them makes me feel not so alone.

Also, Congratulations on the job!

Miranda, welcome! I know what you mean about wondering about your own sanity. I have a horrible thought time to time that maybe I am the crazy one living out some delusion. I mean how could this be real? Just remember to take care of yourself.