Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

I would honestly have to have more information riding, in order to offer some detailed advice. I read your diary entry and saw he is awaiting the rest of his SSI money, so I assume he is not working. If he is not working, has he had a structured sleep pattern before? Is he on his meds currently? Does he take anything specifically for sleeping? All of these are factors in proper sleeping. I consider myself an insomniac because even before the BP dx and symptoms (which I'm not very sure WHEN they started) I had a very hard time sleeping. I have always just had to lie on the couch or bed and pass out watching t.v. I still to this day do that, I had a brief period earlier this year and late last year when I was taking the girls to school and getting up early and going to bed early. That didn't last for too long though as nothing ever does for me. So his schedule should dictate how his sleeping is scheduled. As far as what can you say to get him to go to bed? IMHO nothing. You can offer words of encouragement for him to go to bed, in the end though, it is all on him to follow through with going to bed.

As far as the masculinity problem goes, I use to have this same problem and always used it as an excuse to have my way. Maybe not intentionally, because that's how I really felt inside, unintentionally yes, and when I used that card, conversation over! Whenever I got to that point, everything my wife said fell on deaf ears. I'd like to ask him a question though, what's more masculine, being man enough to own your disorder and take the proper steps to avoid another episode, or, giving into the temptation to stay up all night (or whatever the situation is) and letting the disorder beat you down? That is one of the ways I help keep myself in check. I have the temptation to stay up all night almost every night, other than when I'm worn slap out or in a depressive state. Innerglow will voice her concern about me not sleeping enough or going to bed at a certain time each night. All to which I am helpless and will just have to wait for my mind to slow down enough to be as ready as my body to go to sleep.

Another thing to wonder about, if he is so "masculine" why does he get so easily upset when you try and give him advice? I know for me, I am now more confident in my masculinity, that I don't get bothered by my wife speaking her mind. I would rather that than be blindsided when things get out of control.

Mine has trouble with insomnia also. There have been times when he was manic and he stayed up all night (the time he stayed up remodeling the bathroom and using his saw until 3:00 a.m. and I had to throw a fit to get him to stop comes to mind).

Once he realized that sleep is important to keeping his disorder under control, he's been much better about going to bed at a reasonable hour (we're getting old; 10:00 is about as late as I can stay up!). He takes temazepam and depakote every night as well as zyprexa and lithium. It also helps him to go to sleep listening to soothing music. When he starts getting manic he forces himself to stay on the same schedule, which helps.

Our big problem right now is that he's not working and doesn't have enough to do to keep busy during the day.

Post edited by: sallyo, at: 06/12/2012 01:52 PM

well, I found out there is a little more going on at my house. Whether not sleeping contributed to it or vice versa, but I was told today that he hasn't taken his lamictal in at least three days. God help me.

Riding!!!!! Why?????

I am at work so trying to hold it together... He seems to think that we (the pdoc and I) want him depressed. He said he feels really good right now. I was going to try and wait to post about this until I wasn't so anxious but I can't hold it anymore. Let me find a PM I sent and I will post it. It will tell more of the story

But Lamictal is a drug that HELPS with depression!!!

I feel like puking. I caught C hiding his lamictal today. He just text me and admitted to not taking it for the last three days. This is the email I sent his therapist before he text me:

Hi M,

Guess what? I need help. I will try to summarize the best I can without going on forever. C has missed a few appointments with you. Never a good sign. Two pdoc appointments ago he was complaining that pdoc and I were “stomping” out his mania but he thought he was just in a good mood, so next appt pdoc lowered his mood stabilizer to the lowest standard therapeutic dose, and added abilify at an anti-depressant level. He has been much more social lately. As far as I know in a good way, such as hanging out with my friends, having the niece or nephew over just about every day. We ran out of his “self-medication” last Wed. Thursday we started to bicker. Nephew spent the night. Friday morning I woke up to see that they had stayed up all night. I wasn’t happy and lectured them. That made C VERY angry. By the end of the day, he was moving out, unhappy with me, I was taking away his manhood, he very would have let a women talk to him like that before, wanted to move out. Couple hours later, we talked, we moved past that. The last two days (Sunday and Monday) we have had ‘relations’ appx 5 times. Of course only telling you this as that is a big change in mood, previous to then it was zero relations in probably two months. This morning he is awake before I am. I am getting ready to go to work. I mention something about morning meds and he said he would take them later… equals red flag to me. Later I bring him his meds, with he seems fine with. But I notice that he is taking something, but also has but something in his pocket. So I walk over there and check. It is his mood stabilizer. Instantly the light bulb goes off. Explains quite a bit. I ask him the normal why aren’t you taking it (to which I get his standard ‘I didn’t feel like it’) and then how long have you not been taking it. He didn’t answer. So he starts throwing attitude around. I calmly told him that this is serious and we needed to discuss it. He didn’t want to and starts with the “I’m a Man” talk. I said “C this is breaking up serious, we need to talk.” He refused to again, so I grab the ipad to show his some apartments that I found on Friday when he was saying he was moving out. He got mad, starts screaming at me, telling me it is best if I leave, he is warning me to leave, blah blah. As I leave I get told that if I text or call him he is going to trash the house. Great more threats. Which I also got similar ones on Friday.

So that is where I am at today.

After Friday, we had discussed setting an appointment to come see you together. I know my feelings can change, and they do. I think now that would be beneficial to discuss how to safely have him move out. I honestly think we would have broken up long ago if I wasn’t terrified of what he could do to me/the house in a rage. I would like to think that there is a way for this to happen as adults… I love his with all of me, but I have boundaries in place for a reason. If he isn’t following those, I’m not safe. Now what the hell do I do?

one more to follow with the series of texts that I got from him a couple hours later

C just text me. It says “sorry for spazzin out. It’s been 3 days since I quit the lamactil & I feel much better”

My response “Thank you for being honest with me. Will you talk to therapist about how you are feeling?”

Him “yes, but u no what I mean… I feel better, sleep more normal and don’t crave the pot”

Me “Thank u for being honest with me. How about u talk to therapist about it n u n I will talk after work”

Unfortunately, I am too scared he will spaz out for me to tell him how I really feel.

but just AD's help MUCH more!!!!!!!!!!! and supposedly his therapist does think that he should have told me, but that it is great how wonderful he is feeling

I called and left his therapist a pretty not nice message, also I had sent her all of this in an email before he went. no reply.

I called his pdoc and left a message. Once I talking to him I told him until we get this figured out raging is NOT OK. PERIOD. and he agreed to call the pdoc. he also left his nurse a message