Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Actually my 20 year wedding anniversary is 2 days away. I am not a superstitious person but something big seems to happen in my life every 10 years. In 1982, I graduated from High School, In 1992, I got married. 2002, I gave birth to my only son. and for some reason or another I was always worried what the year 2012 had in store for me. So what am I looking at? Divorce or my husband being diagnosed with mental illness?

So sorry. It must be very difficult. I agree that any distractions you can find will be good. If you run the streets naked, make sure someone is there to take a picture! lol. Hang in there.

My heart goes out to all of you who are facing your wedding anniversaries alone and wondering--how did this happen? I think distracting yourself with fun activities is the way to go. Take care of yourselves and be GOOD to yourselves.

If a picture is taken...I'll be sure and post it (for the females, of course!)

I felt pretty sad this morning when I woke up. As the day goes on, I'm on an emotional roller coaster of sorts. I just don't understand and I should probably do my very best to stop TRYING to understand. The fact that I was miserable during the BP craziness of our relationship doesn't seem to change the fact that I still love her. She had the warmest touch and what seemed to be the most genuine love I have ever felt in my entire life, when she wasn't raging or doing other BP things. I wish I didn't miss her.

On some sick level, I was hoping she would text me a "happy anniversary" or something...nothing happy about it, except the missing BP drama that always seemed to keep me on edge. Man, I've got find a way to let go...

If you can, bet out and find some activities. It is helping me find things to do. It gives me something to look forward to each week.

I'm so sorry, I just went through the same thing. May 25th was our 7 year and we spent it apart. I never though this would happen, always pictured us old together. I think you need to let yourself feel, feel the pain, anger, the sadness and with having this those feelings it will allow yourself to move in the direction that is good for you. This diease is absolutely the worst thing EVER. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. Please take care of yourself.

I've also realized that I'm constantly evaluating myself...thinking things like "Maybe she would've stayed I were different...more like the old boyfriend she's chasing." My self-esteem is CRUSHED.

Mojo, I just mentioned something like this on somebody else's thread. You cant her get to you like this. There is nothing you could have done.

I keep thinking about things I could have done differently, about signs I missed, actions I could have taken. But the reality is nothing I could have done would have changed much of anything.

There is nothing you could have done either. If she is anything like my wife, she just went for something different period. There is nothing you or I could have done. They are not looking for anything sane. I mean my wife, a 40yo mother of two, picked up an unmedicated bipolar barfly that works in a bar and lives with his mother. He is maybe 5'2" around 110lbs and looks like a weasel. There is no rational reason for that.

Even though they have the illness, we are the victims of it. So (I know this is easy to say) stop beating yourself up. You are a good guy, that is why she is running away. Sombody else once said it looks like they look for people that are "lower" then they are. I dont know why, maybe to make themselves feel better, or maybe because deep down they dont deserve a good thing. But that means you are a better person and a good person. Dont let her take that away from you as well.