Well, EXCELLENT work at school! I know it's not easy to achieve anything with the bipolar chaos at home.
I would listen to these folks. I have no idea what it's like to be properly involved in a spouse's treatment, but I can confirm that not being permitted to go to psychiatry visits, etc. does not seem very effective.
We have a "no meds, no marriage" rule in my house. Fortunately, my husband is 100% med compliant. Fortunately, he, his pdoc and I are a TEAM. I go to 90% of his appointments. He WANTS me there. He knows that he has memory issues and he recognizes that he has an often very distorted view of how things are. It really never ceases to amaze me how distorted his view of the world can be. And his pdoc would certainly be at a distinct disadvantage is determining the course of his treatment if she was relying only on the information he provided.
Although he is MED compliant, he is not treatment compliant. We have been doing regular pdoc visits for FOUR years this September. He was originally being treated for a diagnosis of depression. Although not treatment resistant, I would definitely describe him as treatment hesitant, so the pdoc moved very slowly. He has been on a mood stabilizer for 25 months but has remained in a mixed state. He really needed to be hospitalized right before Christmas - and admitted it, but refused. He has a real fear of hospitals left over from childhood. His pdoc has been seeing him weekly or every other week for over a year. He needs a higher level of care than that - and has FINALLY come to terms with that. As soon as the school year ends (he is a teacher) he is going to be evaluated for admission to either intensive outpatient or partial hospitalization. We are hoping that if he invests his summer in addressing his illness he will finally achieve some stability. If he manages to work one more year, he will be able to retire on a disability pension. He is slowly coming to terms with the fact that as long as he works, he will never be truly stable. Sad. But a fact.
I received an email in return from my SO's therapist. He declined to see me because it would impact his relationship with my SO. I knew it.
Now my SO's mom is in on this and she is writing an email to the therapist.
My SO has been very teary today saying how sad he is that he hurt me.
I don't need tears or apologies. I need peace and stability.
05/26/2012 06:36 AM
Posts: 3170 VIP Member
from what I've read I agree with the others , if he's not going to work on his own condition to be compliant with his medications and let you take part in his therapy sessions, that's a very bad sign. This is not a condition you can just "let be".
I trusted my wife with hers. I did not push hard enough. And it turned into a disaster.
They have to be willing to help themselves and to allow you to help. It is not just their life they are playing with, it is everybody that loves them as well.
05/27/2012 12:23 AM
Posts: 87 Member
"They have to be willing to help themselves and to allow you to help. It is not just their life they are playing with, it is everybody that loves them as well."
Let me just say that he has been in a place (albeit temporary) of complete sadness. He tells me he is so sorry that he hurt me, that he will talk to his therapist and take it all back, and that he will follow through with his meds and all therapy sessions. So, I took advantage of this and told him I wanted to see his therapist - alone - before his next session, and he agreed.
I know that I need to be a part of his therapy sessions and that is my next step. Right now, I need an hour with his therapist to let him in on the reality of this situation, as well as to help me deal with life at home with this man. The therapist agreed to see me as long as my SO agrees - and he does.
Wish me luck.
Post edited by: macy827, at: 05/27/2012 12:25 AM
05/27/2012 04:35 AM
Posts: 3170 VIP Member
05/27/2012 04:56 AM
Posts: 1651 Senior Member
This is a great development! Being part of his treatment TEAM is so important! Good luck!!
05/27/2012 08:00 AM
Posts: 11098 Group Leader
Macy, far more important that going to his therapist appointments is going to his psychiatrist's appointments. (But going to his therapist is a real concession on his part. A real start.)
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