Like mojopoet, I've been making it a point to re-visit myself...the self I lost over the years dealing with my BPH. I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching lately. I have been making a conscious effort to avoid the "man cave" as much as possible. I have really "pulled back" from my husband. Although I acknowledge his feelings and his comments, I am much less sympathetic, much less empathetic and am ofering much less physical comfort. I used to spend literally HOURS holding him tightly. Now when he leans up against me, I often just drape my arm around him. I know that that sounds awfully cold, but I really feel the need to pull away so as not to get "sucked in." He's noticed. He's commented. But it just needs to be this way for a while. I cannot remember the last time HE held ME. I have been following The Young and the Restless since the very first episode. Thanks to the internet, I can now actually watch the episodes even though I work during the day. And I do - every day. I have been carving out time every day (usually at work - dont' tell my boss  ) to access this board and read, even if I am not posting. Today I will be making an appointment with a new therapist. I had to cancel my first appointment with the last one I chose off of my insurer's participating provider list. I called two weeks ago to reschedule and she never called back. If that isn't a "sign" I don't know what is. My sister is having her annual Memorial Day picnic on Monday. We have not been in YEARS. Hubby can go or stay home. Kiddos can go or stay home. I'll be there. |
