Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Hi all,

Well, I've been feeling better recently, overall, but today has been a rough one. Seems like everything is 10 times heavier than normal. Many thoughts of my BP wife with her boyfriend, or anyone else for that matter. Things she said filling my thoughts. Thinking about the 10 years we've spent together building a life and a family and how she was before her recent manic episode. I REALLY miss my lovely wife and our little family. We had plans......now what?????

It is just going to take time mojo. I have been going through the same things. It has been getting easier for me the longer I go without talking with her. But that is not to say it is easy. Pictures pop in my head of us being together and loving each other, then I have pictures of her with her boyfriend, everything from being in bed together, to being at that dang bar laughing about me.

Concentrate on the realization that you have been feeling better recently.

Today I started to miss her. So I wrote a list of all the things I could remember that annoyed me while we are together. A lot of it I let go at the time becauase I wanted to love her for all of her. But I am finding remembering them now and reminding myself of them is helping me (Even if it is just a little bit) move forward. I have also been talking to friends every single night. Unfortunatly I work in a different state then my friends, but it has helped having somebody to talk with. One of my friends is going through close to the same thing with her husband, so having somebody that understands is also a help. Also, I find coming here helps.

I spent all my time thinking about and working for my wife and my step kids. Now I have to think about myself. I am a bit lost, but I will find my path. You will as well.

Number one, remember it is not you. You need to take care of yourself.

I feel your pain, I have been there. I am sorry you are going through this. Try to keep busy with happy, peaceful, distractions, I know it is easier said than done, but there is nothing else we can do, except, keep going. Are you in contact with her at all?

It will take time, as Silverlock says. Until the hurt is distant from you, when you get those obsessive thoughts, try changing your setting if you can--go to a park, the beach, the forest, the mall. If you can't do that right now, change your radio station--listen to some music you don't normally listen to. Another thing that always seems to help is to focus on someone else. So if you are at work, go talk to the coworker whose husband is going through chemo right now, or the guy who is still recovering from open heart surgery. Be supportive of them, and you might find your troubles easier to bear.

Try Lollipop's visualization exercise (she has a thread about it) or a ritual--write down your feelings and thoughts and then when done, set fire to them (in a safe place). Or put them in a bottle and send them down stream.

If you are religious, see if there are any church events tonight you can go to.

And come here. We're hear to listen.

(Did something new happen with the custody battle or is it just a bad day for all of the stuff that has been happening?)

Thanks for the responses, all. I have to stay in contact with her due to the custody battle we're going through over our 3 year old son. I limit it to just speaking to him, leaving her out of it as much as possible. It's just been a bad day...I have plans to go see Avengers with a couple of good friends of mine tonight, so that will be a welcome distraction. It's only been ALMOST two months since my BPW left, but it seems like a lifetime. I have other things going on...when she left, she left me with 3 dogs and a cat. One dog was her best friend in the world..the other two she just had to have them. One was a runner....two Friday nights ago, he busted out the door and wouldn't come back. I had my 3 year old at the time, so I was limited as to what I could do to get the dog to come back. He would run from me...HARD AND FAST. I finally had to give up. I wasn't going to risk getting my son hit by a car by roaming the neighborhood looking for this damn dog! About 9:00 pm, there was a knock on my door. The dog had been hit down the street from my house. The police were there...I was trying to protect my son from seeing the dog in such bad shape. To top it off, a neighbor's friend had approached the INJURED dog and got bit...BADLY. So, now I'm dealing with my homeowner's insurance to get that taken care of. Lots of loose ends and a trail of SH!T that she left me with. I'm (or I should say WE) are bankrupt, but that can't be settled until (and if this happens) divorce when all marital debtassets are split.

That all sucks mojo. I am also at almost two months and I thought I had it bad with our wedding anniversary coming up. Well feel good that you at least made me feel better.

Actually, on a more serious and happier note. The Avengers is a great movie!

Mojo, thats sounds like a lot to deal with right now. It really sucks about the dog biting your neighborhood, thats all you needed. It always baffled me the way they can just leave to let us deal with all of the chaos they created financially etc. before leaving. I sure hope things turn around for you real soon and you enjoy the movie tonight.

Avengers was AWESOME!!! At this point, any escape is a welcome one! Hopefulcb, ah yes, the CHAOS! They don't seem to realize or care about the devastation left behind. It eventually catches up to THEM as well, I'm sure. I know God has a plan to turn everything into good.

After watching the movie, my wife and I nicknamed her illness as the "Hulk". She does not know what she did when she comes back down. Lately I have been seeing a lot of "Hulk" lately and the emotional destruction sometimes unbelievable.

My husband and I were talking too about nicknames or bp being related to the "hulk.". We think it is kind of like jekyll and hyde sometimes.

Post edited by: tjoyner22, at: 05/22/2012 07:31 AM