Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Okay, I admit, we ALL would like to know how to forget a bad memory. But, alas, I would be remiss in not telling you that my brain isn't designed to forget. All my life I've been told, "Remember now....", "Don't forget to.....", "Hey do you remember this person or that person or this or that event?" lol Yeah, I remember. Like an elephant I remember. I rarely forget anything. Especially about significant things in my life, like my husband's 2010 manic episode. I remember everything...EVERYTHING. Dates, times, what he was wearing at different times, where we were, how his facial expression was when he lied to me all the time, what this person said, what that person said, on and on and on... I wish I could forget. So, for fun today I thought I'm going to look up HOW TO FORGET, on the computer. I personally don't put much stock in getting hypnotized, first I don't think my mind would allow it, second if I was able to be hypnotized I don't think I want anyone messing with my subconscious that I don't know well. Thirdly, I have dealt with my bad memories...I just am playing around with the thought of actually FORGETTING FOR REAL... Anyway, I found the little ditty below on the internet and thought it was interesting. It isn't magical or anything, but symbolic I guess. Maybe like my little Life Rock. I did laugh outloud for #6. Hope you all enjoy it:

1. Sit down in a comfortable chair and close your eyes.

2. Even though it is painful, embarrassing, , etc. think of the time you are wishing to forget.

3. Close your eyes and visualize a black and white photograph of the situation that you are trying to forget. In your mind, look at it. this photograph is your memory of the experience you hate.

4. As you are looking, begin to shrink it. Shrink it so that it is much much smaller. Keep shrinking it so that you can barely see it.

5. Once you can barely make out the tiny spot, blow it away, so you know that the little speck is gone away, and no one will ever see it, and it's not with you anymore, and it is gone.

6. Remember that, in real life, hardly anyone even knew about your embarrassing mistake, and especially now, because everyone is so self centered, and they probably forgot or didn't care anyway. And if they do remember, that means they are lamer than you. They should get over it. Point is, you are free now, you blew it away! It is good for you! Go take on the day.

hahahaha! We may never forget. I don't believe we will, but we really will learn how to handle our memories and make them work to our advantage in the future. Take care all!

Lolli, you may be chuckling over this, but I think it could be very useful to an open-minded person.

I myself have several memories that creep up after certain triggers...may they be a word spoken, a smell, or chain of events that brings these memories up.

There are things that I have done that I will take to my grave. And even though I know that release of these things may be therapeutic, I will never speak of them again. And because of the shame and guilt, having these memories pop up, is hurtful. It's not the guilt of actually keeping the secret, but the pain of what I did in the first place. I wish I could forget those events.

Now, there are somethings that I have forgotten without even trying to hard. Like some of the things my husband had said, or done. Or forgetting a particular person from the past...no problem.

But anyway, thanks for posting this. Whether it works or not, I appreciate the gesture of it.

Funny, but not in a ha ha way...funny in a weird and odd way...tonight after writing the above I was swarmed with memories of bad stuff. Old feelings of not being able to trust anyone anymore and stuff like that. I went through a time after my husband's mania and him lying so much and so long to me (when I had never known him to lie in the 27 1/2 years prior to the mania) that I no longer trusted people. Like the old saying, I didn't believe anything I heard and only half of what I saw. I've been doing so much better. But tonight for some reason I have slipped back into the not trusting feelings again. People in general. I hate that about me when it happens. I haven't been having any problems with my husband at all, and I've been believing him when he tells me things....but tonight I don't get it. I think I'm gonna go to bed early and wake up tommorrow and start over. (((((HUGS EVERYONE!)))))

Lollipop, I like this!

I have heard other ways of dealing with bad memories--all involve this sort of intense introspection or a ritual.

So, write down the memory on paper and take it outside to a significant place and set fire to it. Or put it in a bottle and send it out to sea.

You can also just visualize the above happening, but I personally like the burning method because it is physical, tangible, feels like doing something!

I am sorry to hear that the Memory Monster has come to visit you today. I hope a good night's sleep makes this beast go far away tomorrow!

what if it happened around ur neighborhood?

because my bad memory happened around my neighborhood!!!!

angie that is a hard one, its one i have to deal with daily, staying in our house is a constant reminder for myself and my kids, by luck i was offered a house last week in a different area, i must say that my kids are over the moon that i have accepted the offer, we can use this as a fresh start, to rid us of this constant reminder,

i used to think of moving house as my bpso running from the aftermath of the things she has done while manic, to which i used to encourage her to face up to her problems and not run from them,

i dont see me and the kids moving away as running from the problem, but as facing the fact that she is no longer here, moving on and starting a new chapter without her in our lives,

only problem is i fear there may be a day not too far away when she is going to change her mind and want to come home. we wont be there this time and hopefully if we are settled in the new house, we will have the strength and ability to say no, not this time

so sometimes a move, for the correct reason isn't a bad thing

Bumping for folks who may be looking for a laugh or a way to forget something, whichever is helpful for you.