So my wife is catholic but I am an atheist. But I do go to Mass with my wife on sundays and I do pray with her.
But ever since she got out of the hospital, she has been really strong with her beliefs. God made her better, God made her stronger, Got made her live or else she would have already killed herself. Everything is about God and Jesus. I am fine with that. That is what she believes in and I support her.
Lately she has been talking a lot more about the afterlife and reincarnation. She tells me, I need to believe more so I will join her forever and if I don't she will be alone forever when she dies. So I convinced her I believe. And she is fine and accepting. She also thinks her sis and bro will go to hell cause they stop going to Mass and not being faithful anymore.
My question is, can it be too much? Can she be preaching too much? Jesus's pictures are all over our bedroom. She even bought a cross the size of a fist and wearing it as a necklace. Should I just let her be? How much is too much? I was not brought up with religion but I do understand the basics.
This is very very common for a manic person to suddenly become very religious. To go completely overboard about it, in fact.
Your wife is new to meds. So I would, in your shoes, wait for her meds to work---but keep telling her pdoc (the one giving the meds) what you observe and how different the behavior is from the woman you knew before.
I think many of our stable spouses found their spiritual/religious beliefs deepening after they accepted the diagnosis. But your wife seems to be a little "too" religious right now. Her meds should help level that out a great deal.
Married, so this is too much? I know it isn't 1/4 of what she was when she was manic. wanted to write books about the 12/21/12 or needing to see the pope and cardinal about the antichrist.
Good thing her appt is this wednesday. Should the tell the pdoc privately or should i just tell him while my wife is listening? If she is there, I am just worried she will think i don't believe and she will use this against me for the rest of our lives together.
Libob, the pdoc needs to know. Don't talk about what YOU believe. Tell the pdoc the observable things--what YOU have seen that worries you,
05/13/2012 08:36 PM
Posts: 93 Member
I am gonna just tell her pdoc what I am seeing. I thought about it and today was a perfect example of what is going on. Her meds that were prescribed by the hospital is not doing it. There needs to be an adjustments.
Today, mother's day, we met up with her mom prior to Mass. It all went well. Then we went out for lunch. at the restaurant, that is when I felt embarassed and ready to hide under the table. As she were seated, she start saying out loud, I see a buttcrack. The lady look back and gave us a disgusting look. Then during our meal, my wife started yelling at her mom. She is a trigger. Then 2 seconds later, acts like they are mother daughter again, 2 seconds later, yelling at her. this went on for like 10 mins.
Then we went to her brother's family bbq. The love/hate happened again. The drive home was the same. I can't take it anymore. We got home and she started yelling at me. She was pissed off that I told her 90% of marriages end because of her illness. I got pissed. It was a long day.
We never really argued or i get pissed off that easily and she knows it. She apologized but still. I told her, she needs to write down all the meds she was taking when she was stable for so long. She will need to present it to her pdoc. I will also need to tell him what is going on. Hopefully he sees what is going on and change her meds.
I am tired. i don't want to give up. My sister in law, her brother's wife asked me (while my wife wasn't around), didn't i see her symptoms? I said no, then she said, typical man. Did not noticed a thing about women. I guess she was right. I need a vacation without her.
05/13/2012 08:59 PM
Posts: 11098 Group Leader
Libob, don't believe that 90% figure. I tracked the figure down and it is based on...nothing. It is one of those supposed facts that gets quoted and re-quoted and re-quoted and it was not true to begin with. (I have some diary entries about it, but you have better things to do.)
It sounds exhausting... So you need to get RUTHLESS about some things. If her mom is a trigger, she needs to stay away from her mom. (I think that is not possible all the time--based one what you said previously, but do you have to go out in PUBLIC with them both? Get together, if you HAVE to, at home. Have some food delivered. Who cares if they both complain...it avoids scenes in public which will stress us out! Yes, have been through a few myself before my husband was stable...)
I think you have to be the Zen Master right now. Do not argue with her. Walk away or just bite your tongue if you have to. It will NOT be easy, but arguing with her is the least productive thing you can do right now.
But...you should also insist she STOP yelling at you. You can insist on that NOW, even if she is not stable yet. She has to talk to you in a reasonable voice. Or you will stop talking to her. You will hang up, walk away, get out of the car...whatever. You will not be addressed in that manner.
A lot of us missed the signs of BP. Right now, don't even go there. Concentrate on telling her psychiatrist that things are still very very messed up and she needs different meds and more help...
05/13/2012 10:41 PM
Posts: 4281 Group Leader
Some people do tend to begin to discuss unusual things about religion when manic. On the other hand, some people like me talk about their belief systems alot, and aren't bipolar or manic. I just have very strong convictions and share alot... My husband is a strong christian and after he messed up due to his full mania in 2010, he went through such a difficult time recuperating, and the ensuing guilt due to mistakes made while he was manic, that he has fully embraced his belief systems and is very involved again. My husband told his pdoc that the Lord helped him to get straight and that he believes the Lord has forgiven him and on and on. My husband felt so bad when he was manic that he was truly thankful to not be totally losing his mind. He wasn't sure that he wasn't losing it for a long time. After his mania he kept saying, "Something broke in my head. I'm so screwed up". Stuff like that. So my husband has found strength in his christianity and knowing God is watching over him. The pdoc says he has no problem with my husband believing all these things or discussing them unless he does something bizarre like suddenly quitting his job and doing something super abrupt or spending all our money or trying to find the cure for cancer in one year. Bizarre stuff. Talking about the Lord alot and expressing concern for her relatives spiritual belief systems may just be her "thinking aloud". My husband's mama was bipolar/schizo and sometimes she would say different off the wall things like seeing Jesus in every room or something like that. You might mention to the pdoc the things you discussed on here if it seems very much more extreme than before. I think the part about her vascilating back and forth in up and down moodswings is more disconcerting than anything else. I agree with marriedtoit that you should try to avoid confrontation with her until you get in to see the pdoc. Usually, if I have something I am concerned about, I just casually run it past the pdoc in the presence of my husband. That way, if my husband has a response or something that is noteworthy, the pdoc will be witness to that, as well. It's worked for me, but my husband is very open to discussing his actions, as he doesn't want to have a repeat performance of 2010 episode. (Of course when a person is manic they may not even be able to "tell" something is off and may get angry at the suggestion of such) And I have a confession to make....I have a VERY vivid imagination and I nearly fell out of my chair when you shared the buttcrack comment. I needed a good belly laugh, thanks for your honesty. I think all of us have been super embarrassed at one time or another when our loved ones were acting out in public!!!! Take care. (((((HUGS))))
05/14/2012 08:07 AM
Posts: 93 Member
hello Married and Lolli,
Thanks for your advice. We have moved up her pdoc appt to tomorrow morning. I am gonna write down all the stuff I wanted to bring up just in case I do forget.
Last night really drained me. She went back to her persona right after she left the hospital. She started complaining about the hospital and how she felt 'raped' in there. The docs and nurses did not give a crap about her. The reason why she felt raped was because she was acting up. Cursing and verbally attacking the staff, so as punishment, her privileges to wear normal clothes was taken away so she will just need to wear the hospital PJ/robe till she behaves. And because of this, she is 'scarred'.
So i don't know. I guess I let my guard down after a good beginning of the week and it ended pretty stressful for me. I need to always stay strong and let her do what she wants but just 'ignore' her.
Now, I can't wait to see her pdoc. 20+ hrs is too long. *sigh*
05/14/2012 08:23 AM
Posts: 1447 Group Leader
I want to share a story about when my husband was manic and really on the religious kick. He went to the tattoo parlor and got a big tattoo on his stomach of Jesus hanging on the cross with the two thieves hanging beside him and a mountian scape behind it. He would go around wearing a sleeveless bright orange fleece jacket unzipped so everyone could see his tattoo. Then, I remember going to a music store with him and saw him telling everyone "God loves you" and "God bless you". He did the same at the Waffle House. I knew he was manic and I WAS embarrassed. This was about 9 or 10 years ago at the beginning of his diagnosis. It was probably his 2nd manic episode. This did not last very long, but it did subside. Most of these things do not last long, especially with med adjustments and letting the pdoc know exactly what's going on whether she gets pissed or not. I hope this doesn't last too long. Good luck at the pdoc appt!!!
(Sorry, hooba... I don't even know if you remember this, but I think it's important to share)
05/14/2012 10:37 AM
Posts: 11098 Group Leader
@Lollipop, I would know something was wrong with you if you DIDN'T talk about your faith!!
I think the key is CHANGE--if she is SUDDENLY talking about religion all the time, and talking about people going to hell, when she didn't do that before. I have Baptist relatives that talk about people going to Hell--it's part of their whole belief system. But your wife is Catholic, and it is pretty unusual for a Catholic to be talking about specific people going to hell....
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