Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Well, I wanted to update every and thank everyone on this forum for all the support and help. To update, my wife developed severe manic symptoms in first week of february and was hospitalized, after she was released she moved in with a gay friend that she met right at the time she became manic, she was a real estate broker and he was looking to buy a condo and their personalities really clicked. When the rest of the family was looking at her like she was crazy he was enjoying her super manic delusional attitute and thought that was the real her. A few weeks after UCLA she attacked her mom and was jailed in the mental ward in los angeles. She had her mental hearing a few days ago. Two doctors were supposed to look at her and she if she is stable or not. There is a strong presumption of stability in these cases I was told. The first doctor examined her and couldn't make up his mind and the second doctor will decide before the 30th of this month.

I already spoke with the second doctor and gave him her health packet with all the pertinent info

When my wife was arrested I finally had a chance to speak with her gay friend and explain everything to him....he didn't seem to believe me and continued taking her side till a few days ago....and this is where the story gets interesting.

So this guy will call him john, believed everything that my wife told him, that we have been separated for a year, living apart, in the process of divorce, etc, etc, etc,

He was visiting her in jail once a week or so as well.

Well, what finally happens.....he calls me out of the blue a few days ago and tells me that he finally believes what all her family has been telling him for last few months and he feels like an idiot.

He says that she is much calmer and quieter right now and nothing how she was like in feb. or march when she was acting like she was high on crack or speed (he doesn't realize that he's very attracted to this behavior) and now he says she's acting calmer and nothing like he thought she really was and that made him question her behavior.

so when everyone was looking at her like she was out of her mind, he thought that she was normal and now that she's just beginning to come out of that crazy state he thinks she's sick (he's like a reverse barometer of her mania)

so now he feels really shitty and calls me everytime they talk and tells me everything she tells him and tells me he will try to talk her into going to hospital. She tried telling him some B.S. about her doing legal work in jail in exchange for CARS and he told her he will believe it when he sees the pink slip. She later told him that she grew up in a tuff military style family and knows how to shoot automatic weapons, etc, etc. He already knew by this time that everyone in her family is a physics or math professor and she grew up with nannies, etc, etc, so he told her that she was full of it and that the only thing she fired was a BB gun. Basically, he's starting to poke holes in her stories. He asked her why she lied to him about being separated for a year and in process of divorce and she told him it wasn't any of his business (after going on and on about divorce and hating me for months on end) he thought that was strange as well. Anyway, the only person who was on her side has slowly moved away from her corner. He even told me that if she calls me NOT to tell her we have been talking because she will think it's a conspiracy between us and I quickly agreed because he was totally right about what she would think.

He also told me that the deal I have been trying to make with her to get her out of jail and into the hospital is extremely fair. The deal is she discloses medical records to any family member she chooses, agrees to get injections in hospital, stay in hospital till doctor says she is stable. I told him that none of these conditions have anything to do with being married to me or seeing or not seeing her kids. I told him that if she wants to see her kids, medication should be her priority.

He agreed. She has been refusing this offer, she has been refusing any offer to go to mental hospital and would rather stay in jail...so here's what happened yesterday.

She realized that the next hearing is in 21 days and even if she is found competent she still has 30 days till trial so she's stuck for 50 more days. After the hearing the mental health coordinator went to check on her and she came back saying that my wife was crying and that she told her that she should have taken the deal and went to the hospital.The mental health coordinator said she believes she's starting to go into depression, but the grandiosity is still there (she fired her lawyer and called him a dick and wanted to represent herself)

but yesterday, both John her gay friend and social worker said they both think she's coming close to crashing and seems to be beginning to give up on the winning, etc, etc,

He now calls me each time they talk and is trying to talk her into getting treatment, I told him that if he keeps doing that she will put him on her shit list which is what she has done to everyone in her life except for him. He doesn't care, he realized that when she gets well that she and him will have nothing in common. He did swear up and down that while they were living together that she was not cheating on me and they were totally friends (he seems very gay) I told him it's not the physical part that bothers me it's the psychological betrail and he feels really bad about helping her in the beginning. But it sounds like little by little she is starting to come down...just starting, because she is still talking a bunch of nonsense.

He told me something that I did not experience with my wife that he did.

She became obsessed about Hitler and started saying bad things about different religions. About purity, mixing religions, how races mix, Jewish people being this way, mixing with white people, she is Jewish and never had any issues with any religions before, her best friend is African american. I found this surprising because in the twelve years we have been together I never heard her say anything remotely like that and even in february when she was manic and I didn't know it she wasn't saying anything like that either...so I guess some behavior she was totally keeping from me and her family.

Wanted to get your impression of these developments

I will keep my fingers crossed and yall in my prayers. I hope things are going to be improving soon. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Thank you very much, any news on your end ?

have you heard anything new about your Ex ?

I was released today. I spent a long time talking to her first husband and her sister. I have learned I don't think my wife's personality ever truly existed. I think that besides bipolar she also has borderline personality disorder, or something worse. It seems she also cheated on her first husband. She always told me he cheated on her. He admitted to cheating on her but only after she cheated on him and he was angry. I have also remembered other things that did not make sense at the time that I think shows she probably cheated on me before. Before we got engaged, she also told me something that has turned out to be a huge lie that I have now verified was a lie. It seems she also has a history of changing her interest depending on the people she is around. Neither the first husband or the sister are totally trustworthy but their stories do have similarities.

In a strange way this is released me. If she does not exist I cannot rescue her. But I can now morn the loss of the wife I thought I had. She has already re-created herself as something else.

It is just going to take some time to get my head around it completely.

@Confused, this is very positive--that her friend is on your side now and that she has at least admitted she should have gone to the hospital. I would say you should be cautiously optimistic.

Her religious change? This is NOT unusual in the depths mania or psychosis. But it does make me wonder if your wife is bipolar with schizoaffective disorder. Don't let the word scare you--psychiatrists see depression--bipolar--schizoaffective disorder as all related. (Forgive me if I have mentioned this before.) The interesting (in a horrible way, mind you) thing she told this guy is her obsession with purity and blood. We have seen that in a psychotic person before--becoming obsessed with purity (and yes, I think I have seen two reports on here of people's spouses who become obsessed with not mixing the races when psychotic).

I really really hope she will give in, go to the hospital and let them monitor her while she gets stable. I don't know how you are coping with this. Are you taking care of yourself while this is going on? Taking care of the children?

@Silverlock, I am sorry that you keep learning something new about the woman you thought you knew. I want you to NOT rewrite your own memories of her, though! What you experienced with her--that was REAL. She might be delusional and unstable now, but she was not when you were together. I think she has been completely taken over by the Alien BP monster now, and you can mourn her because she is not the woman you married.

The kids stopped asking about her completely.

I tell them every few days that mommy loves them and is still not well, they don't want her home till she is back to normal!

I spoil them bit more but their routine has not changed at all

This purety stuff is totally new and off the wall for me !

She always was so open about all religions and has friends from all different races and in twelve years she never had an issue!!

I think only reason she talks bout hospital now is because she knows that she is stuck in jail for next month no matter what.... But that was the case month ago and she did nit want to go to hospital ! Maybe she is coming down little by little NOT in a straight line down

I think the best indicator is her friend noticing a difference in her ! He met her on the way up and now sees different her he says