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lifeishard Posts: 1416
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Back in the beginning of February when my husband's episode began he wrote a letter to our mutual boss. (I only work at the institution very part time because it was a fun way to spend my days off and it gave my husband and I a common interest we could discuss. I do not rely on the income so this letter is not as damaging as it could have been.) I would like to get your feedback regarding the letter! It features a lot of projection and paranoia. I never discussed the idea of divorce with my counselor because I had NO idea it was even a possibility. The laundry list of things he references was a list HE actually asked me multiple times to make and I asked him to make a similar list. I read the list to my counselor and he said it was perfectly reasonable (plus it was a wish list really and I never demanded he do the things listed). The part about the lab manual really SUCKS  because I was struggling to write the introductions but my husband promised me he would help, he was glad to help saying it was easy for him AND I did MANY work related things for him as a 'trade' (things that he hated doing that would take the same amount of time)!  My husband's psychiatrist told me to leave our home because of what happend in 2008...in other words for my well being not his! The letter: I am worried about xxxx and her ability to be around students. She did not take the news of the divorce well and became borderline delusional (even though she knew it was coming, and had been discussing the possibility of divorce with her counselor). The history behind my decision to divorce her goes back about two years. I did my best to make things work, but in the last 5-6 months xxxx digressed dramatically and became very possessive, obsessed, suspicious of my friends and students, and unusually religious. After she exhausted me with her accusations, I just asked her what she wanted, and she created a laundry list of what she wants me to be (see attachment) and insisted on a six-month plan when I would address every single item in her list. She has not been completing her 100 manual because she believes she is not able to write introductions and has been guilting me to write the introductions for her, even though I don't have the time. Her paranoia extended to a point that she is suspicious that my every female friend is her competition. She became so delusional that she thought I would only want to divorce her if I was mentally ill. She attempted to have me committed against my will, but after I talked to several specialists, it was clear that I am fine, and now we are worried about her wellbeing. Our mutual doctor, a psychiatrist, called her on the phone saying that her presence may threat my wellbeing and asked her to stay with friends, who can watch her, until he comes back to town and can see both of us. Since my schedule is open on Tuesdays, the only day that she teaches, I can take over her lab. Let me know if you want to have me teach her lab, or if you are ok with her teaching. If you prefer that I take over her lab, could you please let her know regarding your decision. Post edited by: lifeishard, at: 05/05/2012 01:53 AM |
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wifeonbpexpress Posts: 4890
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OMG, what does all of this have to do with your boss? It's none of his business and it sounds like your husband was trying to definitely project his illness on YOU! I'm not sure what can be done about it, did you just come across this? Has your boss talked to you about it at all? I guess what I would do is talk to your boss about it. It may be more apparent now that your husband is the sick one. Your boss may have figured this out just by getting a letter like this. I certainly would question anyone who would write a condemning letter like this with details that really don't have much to do with the job. You are worthy of respect, love, and empathy. Choose life, find your joy, find your passion.
Please see a licensed counselor for professional direction. All I can provide is my best advice. |
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lifeishard Posts: 1416
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Wife, thanks for your reply! I actually came across it right after he wrote it in February, before he changed his password on his work email account. He took my attempts to have him hospitalized as a direct threat to his wellbeing, his job in particular! He seemed to think that he was simply wanting a divorce (never mind the delusional conversation and all the impulsive behavior). He thought (and still thinks) I was hurt by the idea of a divorce so I decided to get back at him by trying to have him committed. Then he thought I was going to tell our boss and get him fired (never mind the fact that I found the job for him 3 years ago and helped him apply). So he thought I was just a vengeful wife and he was going to protect himself by throwing me under the bus!! According to my husband, our boss said he really did not need to know any of that and he was not worried about me teaching. I just forgot to post it back then and wanted to see if anyone had feedback or insight...it is also a VERY interesting look into my husband's delusional and paranoid world! Post edited by: lifeishard, at: 05/05/2012 12:20 PM |
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marriedtoit Posts: 9096
Group Leader
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She became so delusional that she thought I would only want to divorce her if I was mentally ill. Oh my everloving Bleep! What did your boss say about this letter???? (Did he actually SEND it???) All of my advice is based on experience and reading. I am not a medical doctor, and have never even played one on TV. |
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lifeishard Posts: 1416
Senior Member
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Yes he actually sent it! Further proof to me and my therapist that he was not in his right mind back in February (and still for that matter). Our boss never brought it up with me so if I had not seen it in my husband's sent folder I would have never known about it. Our boss is aware of my husband's mental illness because he decided to disclose it during the hiring process as the reason for his criminal behavior. |
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lollipop Posts: 4110
Group Leader
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Well, I'm just sitting here polishing up my old trusty iron skillet....lifeishard it is skillet time!!!!! j/k I'm trying to lighten up a VERY heavy situation. Wow! Your husband was seriously trying to turn the tables on you. I think the reason your boss possibly never talked to you about this is because he has observed your work and has spoken with you from time to time, as all bosses do, and doesn't see you the way your husband described. I must admit your husband's letter, although personal, is written VERY well, which shows how intelligent he is...as are most people with bipolar disorder. The boss probably thought, "Hmmmmmm, this is guy that by his own admission is mentally ill....and has a history of some criminal activity....this is interesting...he writes me a letter telling me about his wife being mentally ill....acting like he's so concerned about her ability to teach her lab....which she's been doing a great job in there....and whining about her putting a guilt trip on him about the manual....acting as if he is so concerned that he MUST make me aware...and then he ends the letter placing all responsibility on me to remove her from her position. I wonder if the fact he is wanting a divorce would have anything to do with this vindictive behavior? Well, she's been doing a fine job, I personally do not see this kind of behavior exhibited by her, and I'm not getting involved in this unless I do begin to see a problem." I mean really. That would totally burn me up if my husband ever did something like that. Most people would think it is odd, especially if they could see no evidence of delusional behavior from the person they were referring to in the letter. If a person is delusional, I would think it would spill over into all areas of their life. I wonder if the boss called your husband in and raked him over the coals for the email? YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT!!!! IF I DID...ANYONE CAN.
Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.” Lewis B. Smedes
I am not a doctor, my advice is purely my opinion. |
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thewarisover  Posts: 312
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mania hates u, it hates anyone or anything that will try and stabilize it. i see mania as like a ventrilaquist doll sorry for spelling. it does the talking and the acting out. if its a sober, medicated, truthful, loyal spouse u want, forget it mania doesnt like any of that. mania is like the partying, drinking, running a muck, no meds kind of doll. |
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Silverlock Posts: 1830
Senior Member
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Speaking of mania and what they will do and what they are thinking. The last text conversation my wife and I had over a week ago she wanted me to listen to a song by Tool called "Sober". the following are lyrics in the song. I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile. I will only complicate you. Trust in me and fall as well. I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave, I will work to elevate you just enough to bring you down Mania Sucks!
Infidelity Sucks!
Sociopaths Suck! |
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lollipop Posts: 4110
Group Leader
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Bless your heart, Silverlock. I know it has to be hard getting those kinds of texts and just watching someone you love fade away. Somehow in her manic thinking, she was still putting out a warning. She sounds like she is swerving in and out of lucidity at times. My husband said that when he was at his worst, he was so confused and wanted to think clearly, but just couldn't. He says he can't remember alot of the craziness though. So sad. YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT!!!! IF I DID...ANYONE CAN.
Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.” Lewis B. Smedes
I am not a doctor, my advice is purely my opinion. |
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lifeishard Posts: 1416
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Great insight lolli! I love how you can dissect things so well!! Speaking of intelligent...you are! Skillet time... |
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