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05/04/2012 08:00 PM

why won't he take his own advice?

updownaround
Posts: 145
Member

Man, my husband has been talking about my cousin who struggles with schizophrenia. He keeps talking about how sad it is my cousin won't get therapy, and won't take his meds, and how "If he just had a vision of something to look forward to, it would be so much better for him." The thing is, schizophrenia is a very complicated disease. It is not something he is choosing, and he is so sick he can't even make decisions logically. My husband, on the other hand, also won't get therapy, and he doesn't choose to have a good attitude. All the things he is saying about my cousin are things he should listen to.

I had my second therapy session yesterday. It was so so good. Any skepticism I had last week is gone. She is really great, and she validated so many of my feelings and started to help me start the work in dealing with all of the craziness that has me so overwhelmed. When I was leaving, she gave me a hug. She felt very motherly to me, and have me permission to throw a tantrum, which I feel like I've needed to do for years. lol.

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05/04/2012 09:19 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11199
Group Leader

updownaround, I would hold off on a tantrum till you are okay with the cops coming to your house. Maybe I am overreacting (or paranoid somewhat) but I just think that throwing a tantrum with an unstable person could make things far far worse. I am TOTALLY ROCKING with the sentiment (that it is YOUR turn for a tantrum)!!!!

The cousin with schizophrenia--I hope you are planting SEEDS whenever that issue comes up. I would not even do a "Duh" or an eyeball roll with him, I would act as if you didn't know ANYone else who has a major mental illness. But I would ask him "Isn't that sad that your cousin refuses these tools to be stable?" Or even broach the touchy issues with him via talking about the cousin..."Do you think he is afraid of the side effects of these psych meds?" Or get specific. "Do you think he is afraid of weight gain?" "Do you think he is afraid of kidney damage?"

I really think that if you can suppress your (100% natural and righteous) desire to TEACH HIM A DIRECT LESSON, you can very likely teach him an indirect lesson by just focusing on how his cousin is refusing to get stable and why....


05/04/2012 09:23 PM
lifeishard
lifeishard  
Posts: 1651
Senior Member

So glad you are in therapy! And even more excited that you really like your therapist! You should be proud of yourself for getting started with this because I remember what turmoil you were facing and you just pushed through it!

05/04/2012 09:25 PM
lifeishard
lifeishard  
Posts: 1651
Senior Member

I am thinking updownaround threw a tantrum in her therapist's office...

05/04/2012 09:34 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11199
Group Leader

lifeishard, I am about to get out Lollipop's skillet to use on myself!!!! I am just being a BONEhead lately! Yes, a tantrum in the therapist's office is okay, GREAT, needed! Sorry that I misunderstood.

05/04/2012 09:36 PM
lifeishard
lifeishard  
Posts: 1651
Senior Member

No...give yourself a break...your advice is always valuable (even about a different topic)...Smile

05/05/2012 05:18 AM
wifeonbpexpress
wifeonbpexpress  
Posts: 4891
VIP Member

SO, SO glad to hear that you are seeing a therapist and feeling BETTER!!! I cried and tantrumed in therapy more times than I can count, it is HEALING! I think the schizophrenic cousin's issues coming to the forefront in your husband's mind is not a coincidence. He may be processing this in ways you don't even realize.

05/05/2012 10:48 AM
updownaround
Posts: 145
Member

Yes, it was in the therapist's office. LOL.

I have been using the situation with my cousin like you are saying, married. I haven't said a single thing to him about "That's what you do, and you should follow your own words!" It's more like, "I really hope he can get all the pieces into place now. He is so lucky that the night he ended upon jail he didn't end up dead. Now hopefully he can get clean and sober, and get the right therapy in place. If he keeps taking his meds, he'll have a chance." My husband agrees with me about it when it's about my cousin, but I also think he's kind of starting to see how it relates to him.

This summer is all about getting the pieces together of the therapy plan. He knows I'm sticking to that. I'm trying so hard to phrase it all in a way that does not get him defensive and does not make him shut down. It's so similar to my cousin in some ways, though my cousin's condition is so, so bad. He has to be lured into treatment. He won't go himself. We all hoped that his stay in jail would lead to a significant time in a treatment facility, but the treatment center cost was prohibitive. The thing my husband sees is that if a condition is untreated, it will get progressively worse. He knows that, and it's getting to him.

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