I saw a couple posts a while back about this topic, but I can't seem to find them again. This will be the 4th time that I know of where my boyfriends has got "too much time on his hands" and ends up surfing for hook up on craiglist. He has only went through with the ordeal once back in December, and I stood by his side and went to SA meetings with him, etc. He has a sex therapist now that deals well with BP people, she has been helping and is currently on vacation.
I am so hurt at this point, and I don't know where else to turn.. Everyone I have spoken to about this, they all tell me to run far away, but they also don't know the WHOLE BP story.
He told me last night that he is so sorry and he thinks we should just break up because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. I talked him into atleast staying the night, which he did. We live together, and are planning on marriage when we save up enough.
I just feel like I can push away all of this negativity and focus on the time when we are fantastic (which is 98% of the time). Am I doing the right thing in this situation? Or should I just let him go? He cried to me last night saying he wishes his thoughts about other people would just go away, and I told him the only way for that to happen is to just stay busy. Keep his mind occupied with other things... Any tips on that too?
Yes, he is on meds. He goes to therapy once a week.
04/24/2012 09:04 AM
Posts: 513 Member
Hi Vacantmind, I'm sorry your going through this rough time. I use to tell my wife to just hate me, I was no good for her and she deserved better. I didn't know why I kept hurting her over and over without being able to control it. It wasn't because of her, but because I am sick. I have Bi Polar Disorder, it is not my fault, but this doesn't have to continue either. He first needs to be seen by a licensed clinical Psychiatrist, and then diagnosed(dx), then put on medication. This will not happen over night, but this is where he has to start if he is tired of making you feel this way and he is tired of feeling the way he does.
I hope he gets the help he needs, you saying he cried to you and said what he did just reminds me of me not so long ago. I heard this song on the radio while we were going through what your describing. I then wanted my wife to hear it because it said all the words I couldn't think of to tell her what I'm feeling. Maybe this song will give you some insight on what he meant. Try and give it a listen. Keep us posted as to how you and him are doing. The lead singer /song writer is Bi Polar and this is his interpretation of what your BF and I said to my wife. Take care of yourself, wishing you the best.
Thanks for the reply. He has been on his meds for a while now.. Even before we've met. We have went through him wanting to get off of it because he had thoughts of him not needing them ( which everyone knows he doesnt need to do) He sees a good therapist and she wants to meet me as well, but due to my work schedule we havent got to that point yet. We've went through spells of him wanting to self harm himself because of all the hurt causes me. Not a good way of thinking. I usually can talk him out of a lot of things he wants to do, but it wears me down too. I love him and I honestly believe he loves me in spite of all the stuff he puts me through- like you said.
Ps I love blue october! Ive seen them live a few times back in the day! Thanks for reminding me of that song.
04/24/2012 09:43 AM
Posts: 3899 Group Leader
I understand how jobs are important. I would make it a priority to go see his therapist if you want him to stop this behavior. They need our input badly, she probably wants to make some med change, but needs your input. I pray things get better for you and he has the desire to stay off the net.
04/24/2012 10:00 AM
Posts: 17 Member
Thank you. I will tell him to give her a ring to see if it's good for me to come by next week. It makes more sense that she would need my input as well, I never really thought of it like that. Thank you so very much!
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