It's because i think i'm right about what's going on here, if i'm right she'll probably try to come back and it's best I know as much as possible because then I can get her to see a doctor and hopfully the right diagnosis. I fully expect her to come back, but if she doesn't, then i'll just have to move on.
It's not like i'm putting my life on hold for her, i'm just not ready to move on yet relationship-wise, i'm still getting on with other things.
Question is, how long are you willing to wait around for someone who is falling apart over someone else? Are you the default guy? Just someone she can always go back to if another relationship doesn't work out? I wouldn't want to be that person. I think you deserve better and I'm sorry she is sick, but that is her choice to not seek treatment, not yours. I don't think I'm alone in thinking that it would be in your best interest to leave it alone. Frankly, I wouldn't want to know all that she is doing while manic, especially when she is infatuated with another guy. That is usually the cue to let-it-go.
cm00, let's say you're right--anything's possible: maybe she will come back, maybe having these loose connections to her will help you deal with that possibility. Still, it wouldn't hurt to explore your feelings in a therapeutic setting. This too will help in her possible return: you could learn how to better communicate with her, how to better understand her behavior, and most importantly you could learn about yourself in a way that strengthens this possible relationship.
I know that the first thought at that suggestion is, "No, SHE needs therapy, I'm fine." But what you will find on these boards is a general consensus: being in a bipolar relationship (even the fallout of such a relationship) challenges one's own mental health; you need to be better than your normal self to weather this.
I think I recall you are in Europe, right? There should be an abundance of affordable therapists in town. The most you would lose is a few hours of life talking about something you care about and already spend hours on anyway.
Doing the same thing will get the same results--change begets change. Good luck!
I'm glad you have more work coming your way. Hopefully it will distract you from checking her contstant status updates. I fear for your own mental health and your willingness to wait in the wings for her. For one, she denies having an illness, she isn't seeking treatment, and this could go on for as long as that money lasts. I'm just wondering how you would feel about it down the road if you stopped checking on her and didn't know all the details of what she reports she's doing. Out of sight, out of mind. I'm basically saying that while she is flat out refusing to admit to her illness, not interested in being with you, the HEALTHY thing to do would be to go with that and if you can't deal with not knowing, therapy for yourself might be the way to go. I know moving on isn't easy, but there is nothing in this for you right now. Nothing.
05/08/2012 12:01 PM
Posts: 111 Member
Well yes, if she comes back she needs to admit she has a problem and get help for it. I know she won't admit it right now, but with how things are going down hill so fast for her now I hope she will at some point. It's inevitable imo.
Now shes turned to sleeping pills, made from valium :o - And announcing it as her status message, like it's a good thing.
Actually since the belgium guy dumped her she has updated her status messages a lot less and whatever she writes is a depressing and desperate attempt to get attention from people. Shes done this many times before, in all types of situation, as soon as she doesn't feel that people are giving her attention, she'll start doing and saying crazy things to try to get it, usually trying to get people to feel sorry for her, people by now know her though and are sick of it. This is the point where she has became unhappy and the start of the spiral downwards.
It's like an ongoing cycle, she makes a new friend, or group of friends, and it always ends the same way, they always dislike her in the end.
I don't know if that's to do with the bipolar or some personality disorder that's to do with self centeredness and attention seeking. I knew this was coming though because in 11 years she has lost every friend in the same way, it even extends to employment, she can't keep a job because she'll do the same thing with employees and even customers, saying ridiculous and often alarming things to try to get people to feel sorry for her.
Post edited by: cm00, at: 05/09/2012 11:10 AM
05/09/2012 11:24 AM
Posts: 111 Member
Shes put 2 new messages on her facebook account for people to see (note that i am not checking her FB account, i can't even see it, someone else sent me screenshots of what she is saying)
"I notice everyone else around me happy, i find i'm losing friends at a rapid rate and i have no idea how or why, peeps are talking to me less and less, wow, being alone really sucks"
Status update on facebook "Has noticed that nobody actually cares about her, and she has no friends".
She's going downhill real fast.
Post edited by: cm00, at: 05/09/2012 11:26 AM
05/09/2012 11:59 AM
Posts: 3899 Group Leader
It sure sounds like it, I think she will be crashing real soon, I just wish she would go to a dr before she could get suicidal. This is not good and I fear for her, especially with no one around her. Others might not agree, but I would reach out to mine, if it were me, my mom attempted suicide 5 times, 3 with possible od and 2 with cutting the wrists, thats how desperate she was.
Post edited by: hopefulcb, at: 05/09/2012 01:13 PM
05/09/2012 01:11 PM
Posts: 111 Member
Well yeah, my mother is worried because she's taking sleeping tablets apparently made from valium, she told someone she can barely walk. She could overdose on the sleeping tablets either by mistake or on purpose.
I can see her getting hospitalised at this rate.
It is worrying but there's nothing I can do, i've tried to reach out to her but she just ignores me. This could be a desperate futile attempt to get the belgium guy to feel sorry for her and take her back. I can imagine she would actually overdose and possibly get herself hospitalised on purpose in the hope that it will bring him back to her.
Post edited by: cm00, at: 05/09/2012 01:16 PM
05/09/2012 02:00 PM
Posts: 513 Member
BP or something else also causes people to be very manipulative and use peoples empathy against them for their own benefit. Look up Narcissism, or Sociopath or other mental disorders and see if they could possibly fit too. Just an idea, not a suggestion that she may have one of those. Just trying to help you find resolution. Keep trying as long as it's healthy for you, but not longer than that.
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