Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Did the process happen instantly or was it a gradual return of the feelings? For example if you truly believed you didn't love them, perhaps even hated them (during mania) even for several months. Did the feeling and love instantly appear over night or was it a gradual process of the feelings returning to normal over a period of weeks or even months as the mania gradually went away. I am assuming that a long lasting manic episode doesn't just end in 1 day, the brain takes time to shift back the other way?

Post edited by: cm00, at: 04/18/2012 06:25 AM

I'm speaking from observations of my bp spouse (Keep in mind that we by no means have a great functional relationship nor do we have a full grip on bipolar at this point). All of these observations are about untreated episodes:

1. Recovery from mania is not instant. After my wife's first manic episode (each one has been a little over a week) she went into a depression and sort of emotionally empty period for over a month. After her second manic episode she was edgy and "off" for about 10 days. After her third one she recovered more quickly because she wound up hospitalized and on meds.

2. "I don't love you. I never did" and variations on that. I was surprised at how often that comes up in bipolar relationships. Reading this forum and seeing patterns across bipolar relationships/discovering that such things are bipolar rather than unique to me has been a real help. Now, my sense of this is that that set of negative feelings is almost always there, dormant, like a scratch-and-sniff sticker: most of the time it's just a sticker (something that was said once upon a time), but scratch it (trigger some stress), and lo and behold it stinks. This makes me think that it may in fact be a kind of warped defense mechanism: the going gets tough and an instinct to push loved ones away kicks in. Maybe the person is unhappy or insecure with him/herself but uses this line as a way to externalize that unhappiness ("It's not that I don't love myself; it's that I don't love you/OR I don't love myself so how could I possibly believe that you love me--I better reject you before you reject me.")

You question might get more responses from people with bipolar if posted in the Bipolar Support Group.

Thanks for asking cm00

Thank you for sharing with us, it does help. You have come a long way and I am glad to read about your progress.