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04/15/2012 02:44 PM

OUR needs

updownaround
Posts: 145
Member

I'm wondering how you take care of yourself in all of this. I spend so much time worrying about my husband, wondering what will happen from moment to moment, and there are times when I end up in a ball, crying my eyes out. I have an extremely demanding job, and work 11 hours a day. I work on the weekends to get ready for the next week. I'm taking a class that I have to take to keep my job. I have homework and projects to do for that class. My son has had a hard time this year because I've been away so much, and I worry about him starting school in the fall.

There are times when it is all too much. It's situational, and it's temporary, but it's awful. And this weekend has been dreary, rainy, snowy, and dark, which does not help, since I'm up to my ears in work right now, and it feels like the winter.

I am an emotional eater. I know it's not healthy, and I know I'm hurting myself, but then in the moment, that's where I turn. Then I feel awful afterwards.

I feel like I haven't made any real friends in a long time, partially because all I do is work, and partially because it's been really hard with my husband's swings. On of my e best friends is in a different time zone and is so busy it's hard to get time to talk. The other one is close by, but we don't get to see each other much, and when we do, it's always with our families. I haven't told her anything about what's been going on, including the fact that my husband is now in AA.

It's so easy to feel all alone in this. I don't even have time to see a therapist. I have a long commute, and when I get home, there's always more to do. Late last year, I was having panic attacks from the stress. I went to the doctor, and they wanted to put me on an anti-depressant, but I think what I need is something for the moment, when I'm feeling down or really freaking out. Usually I cope ok. Just sometimes it gets too much. The panic attacks were short lived. I feel like such a hypocrite not taking meds after the doctor suggested it, but I know myself well enough to know this is not a chemical imbalance.

What do you do to take care of you? What suggestions do you have for me? I have 6 weeks until I'll have a little break, and I just can't imagine how I am going to get to that point...

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04/15/2012 03:33 PM
wifeonbpexpress
wifeonbpexpress  
Posts: 4891
VIP Member

After reading your post, it seems like you need to take a look at your life and figure out what is really important. You have WAY too much going on, in my opinion. Even without a bp husband, you would be overwhelmed. Is there anything you could change to ease the constant stress? It might be something as big as your job, the distance to it, the hours you work, the tasks you need to do at home. You need help! I don't see any way to take care of you when you have overscheduled yourself. Give it some thought.

04/15/2012 04:46 PM
updownaround
Posts: 145
Member

I totally agree. I just don't feel like there is anything that CAN be cut out right now. I agree that this would be overwhelming for anyone, and it gets to be too much. If there was any time left over to be able to do any leisure activities - read a book, go shopping, exercise... it would make it a little easier.

We are planning on moving this summer to be closer to my work. We have moved the last 2 summers, and it's expensive and a huge process to move. We signed this lease a week before I got my current job, or we never would have even been looking over where we are living. Really, though, my job is far from everywhere. Most of my coworkers have a 30-45 minute or longer commute if there is no traffic, but there is always traffic. My class is over in a few more weeks, so that will help. I still have to take some classes in the fall, but it won't be anything like this. This is my first year in this job, and I have to complete 2 years of it so that I can finish the program I'm in. Everyone says it will be easier next year. I sure hope so. I can't decrease the hours I work. If I don't get the work done, I don't have a job. Yet there is no time during the work day to do any of the extra stuff, and everyone is in the same boat.

Thanks for listening. I know there's nothing anyone can really do right now to help, but there are times I just need to have someone hear ME for once. Thank you so much for doing that. I am finding this site to be a real help in all of this.


04/15/2012 07:53 PM
Kitkat777
Kitkat777  
Posts: 1021
Senior Member

Well. I think it's good that you see a little light at the end of the tunnel in terms of your schedule.

I posted in my diary some of the things I did to feel better. I'm still doing all of them. In addition I've increased my exercise.

I'm very fortunate in that I'm able to maintain a regular schedule. I think if I had to work different shifts or longer hours I would feel very challenged.

Something you can do is make sure you are getting good nutrition (I think brown rice and veggies and protein is a miracle food lol) and also drink lots of water and a multi vitamin daily. Lastly, try to wake up at the same time and go outside and get some fresh air and morning light. Even if it's only a minute ( I go out for a minute or do while the water is boiling for our coffee)


04/15/2012 08:08 PM
updownaround
Posts: 145
Member

Great advice, kitkat. I forgot about the journals on here. I should probably start using that. On the weekends I try to get outside first thing. During the week I have to get up at 5 am. Not even the dog will get up with me. He growls at me. Gee thanks. Everyone is asleep when I leave. I'm feeling a little better this evening. It is going to be a long week. We have an evening event Tuesday until 7. It isn't an option to miss, but we don't get paid extra or anything.

I don't like Sundays. 5 more until I get a break.

Again, thanks for listening. On a positive note, my hubs is doing pretty well. He's even applying for jobs. Fingers crossed...


04/15/2012 08:13 PM
Kitkat777
Kitkat777  
Posts: 1021
Senior Member

That's a rough schedule. Glad to hear your husband is doing well! Sober is good. Smile

04/15/2012 09:58 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11201
Group Leader

I have to say, Updown, that this schedule is CRAZY!!!

I worked this number of hours when I first got my job. But I didn't have a husband or children at that time. And I worked that way for two years. I am a natural workaholic (don't do it because of mania, but because I love being busy and love my job) but I also understand that it is not the optimum way to live.

Is there any way to consider part time work in your field?

I like the idea of moving closer to your job.

PS. You sound like a lawyer hoping to be partner one day.

Just remember that money will not buy everything. I completely understand working hard at your profession to establish yourself. (I am still doing this!!!!) But if you are doing it for the money, scale back, girl, scale back.

PPS. Why not try an antidepressant? They work in situational depressions!


04/16/2012 07:39 PM
updownaround
Posts: 145
Member

married, want to know the sad part? The money sucks. My salary barely pays for the bills. We have student loans out the wazoo, and with my husband barely working, we have to do it all on my pay. We live in an apartment, drive old cars, and don't have anything left in the end of the month. Part time isn't an option. I find myself some days wishing I lived in the time when moms didn't have to work. Me, the feminist who would hate to be told I couldn't work! I also think about how if my husband could get or keep a better paying job, how I wouldn't have to do this. I love my job. I love what I do. I don't love the extra hours and the weekends without pay. I am not a workaholic. Everyone says the second year is easier. They better be right!

I'm sorry for the poor me stuff. It's already been a long week, and it's only Monday. Honestly, I am so very thankful for you being here and listening.

PS I have been thinking about the antidepressant, but I'm going to have a break coming up, so I think if I can just get through the next 6 weeks......


04/16/2012 10:27 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11201
Group Leader

Never apologize for your posts. I think we ALL hold back on our complaints (we often call it whining...and REALLY?? REALLY??? REALLY??? I am absolutely certain that 99.9% of us are NOT whining) on here.

If your husband isn't working or barely working, think about disability?

I have had the fleeting thought of how great my garden/family/social life could be if I only lived back in the 50s...only I am an historian, so I know what life was really like for women before they could support themselves...

The antidepressant....why would you think TWICE? Aren't you trying to get your husband to take MEDS for his psychological problems? Why are YOU averse to the same thing? You might actually inspire him.

(PS. You have got me really curious about what you do. Don't say it on here, but I might PM you with my guesses...)


04/17/2012 02:46 AM
lollipop
lollipop  
Posts: 4281
Group Leader

I agree with marriedtoit, never feel bad coming here and pouring out your feelings. It is therapeutic to do so. Also, one thing I want to add...when my husband was really unstable and we were going through alot, I put off taking any anti-depressants for nearly 10 months. I was so depressed and the only thing that seemed to help me was sleep. But finally I got on one and it was pretty amazing how it helped. Whenever we are depressed or anxious or overwhelmed for an extended period of time, things are getting a little imbalanced in our brain. Even if it's situational. We love our husbands/wives with bipolar; sometimes it is just bearing down on us so much, as we try to accomplish the daily tasks of just living. Seratonin levels can be depleted by excessive stress and without help it can make things even worse. There are some antidepressants that not habit forming, although you still need titrate off of them when you finally feel that you don't need them anymore. I have a friend that is a nurse and she had a child that was born with severe handicaps, who eventually passed away at only 17 months. My friend became so upset, but it seemed to come in waves. She started takingn some xanax, which helped her. She only took it at the moment she was having the problems and it took about 20 minutes to get her calmed again. But this is a med that is more difficult to do without, once you begin taking it. I took Zoloft and I had no problem titrating back off of it once I felt calmer again. I am taking nothing now (27 months since the onset of the trouble with my husband). But I needed it at the time, so I took it. When we skin our knee, we put a bandaid on it. When we have a cold, we take some medicine for that. When we are overstressed and having difficulty, we can get something to boost our seratonin levels. Even if for only awhile. I was worried about doing it too, at first. But it's okay. Just ask for something that isn't addictive if you are worried about that. The stress eating...I understand that too. Take care sweet friend and I hope things get better for you soon.
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