Silverlock, I saw on another thread that you are filing for separation. I think that is the right thing to do right now. Tells her you are serious, and withdraws any support from her from you. It also will make you feel less buffeted about and more in control.
Please don't be afraid to get some meds for your panic attacks. Think of them just as temporary. To get you through the next few months.
We have Kaiser, and we can email our doctors directly. I think that is fine that you did that. I just hope they can help! I am so sorry for all of this. Death isn't easy for anyone to deal with, but when it is a trigger like it is for our loved ones, it is that much more difficult.
I was worried for her at first. But then I started having selfish thoughts. Everybody is gong to our friend and being sorry for her loss. Hardly anybody has come around on the loss of my wife. I think everybody is uncomfortable over it. I hate that her husband died, but at least she knew he loved her right up to the end.
This got me thinking about everything else, and everything I have learned since last week. The one that kept coming back was, not only was she cheating on me, she was bringing the guy home and doing it with her kids in the house. That is not my wife. She just expected them to lie and cover up for her when I got home. She did not care they were crying themselves to sleep at night. This brought to mind a thing from sci fi stories. Death of personality. The personality that was my wife is dead.
I had started to slip earlier. I sent a text telling her I missed my best friend. I was trying to comfort her in the experience of being on the phone when our friend died. But then I remembered something that Hooba posted on a different thread. It took knowing he wsa cut off and losing his family for good to bring him out of it. So I sent the following text to my wife:
"Forget what I said earlier about my best friend. My best friend would not have brought a strange guy home and screwed him in the house while the kids were there. Even if she was having personal problems, she would have respected her kids more. At least I can now morn the loss of my wife. She is truly dead".
I have to remain strong now. No more texts. I will call Kaiser and let them know about the death of our friend, but I will not contact my wife anymore except about getting the car insurance and phone out of my name. No more pleading to something that is not inside her right now.
Thanks Hopefulcb, but I doubt it did. I bet she proceeded to tell her friends how crazy I was being and I should just get over it. But at least I am getting madder. That is making things easier.
Post edited by: Silverlock, at: 03/30/2012 09:04 AM
03/30/2012 09:21 AM
Posts: 3899 Group Leader
Yes, when I got mad, I took control of the situation and it made it easier to deal with.
03/30/2012 10:07 AM
Posts: 3167 VIP Member
My panic attacks have gone away. I also dont break down crying. (which is sad for a 6'4" bear of a man). We will see if it stays that way as the weekend goes on. I am finding things change in a flash. But I feel a corner has been turned.
03/30/2012 10:13 AM
Posts: 3899 Group Leader
Yes, there will be good days and bad and of course it all depends on whatever they throw at you too, so you never know. Thats why I had something for when needed. I didn't have a lot of bad days, but when I did, it was nice to have something just to take the edge off of the day.
Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.