Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Especially the financial stuff. I've seen some of you post that you have separate bank accounts. We go through times when I think that might become necessary for us. We have so much debt, and it just keeps increasing. We have student loans for degrees he's not using, past due medical bills, credit cards... (He does not use the credit cards anymore after some serious bickering about it.) He always just kind of left it all to me to take care of - bills, taxes, keeping track of our bank balance. The thing that changes when he gets involved is that he actually starts to think a bit more about the purchases he's making. I can't stand this time of year because I'm trying to get all organized for doing our taxes, and it just makes makes me feel stressed. I can't find all the forms we need, and there's no telling where they are. He is so organized with some things, but other things.... oh dear.

We are starting a marriage staff meeting weekly where we discuss finances, household matters etc.

I take care of almost all of our household financial stuff. I'm kind of a control freak that way But I really do. He has a set amount of money that he gives me each month, after that I handle everything. That way, if he blows his "extra" money, not my problem!

Also, I handle all financial stuff now. I had to separate our accounts after his manic episode in January.

Our joint account now only has a small amount.

I really like the idea of a weekly staff meeting. Finances is one of my husband's biggest triggers and a weekly meeting might help with that. Good idea!

I take care of all the household financial stuff, too. I'm no genius at it, but it works for us. We each have our own accounts and a joint one where I put most of the money for the household expenses. He has a small part-time job and is in charge of using that money as he sees fit. He's good at not spending what he doesn't have, and the only time it's a problem is when mania pops up and he threatens to take over the finances. Happily, that usually blows over, although it is tempting to take him up on it sometimes.

J and I have separate finances, we actually separated them when he became manic three years ago and I loved it then and I love it now. He too would spend money on classes, start your own business blah blah blah, I would resent it like crazy, because nothing would ever come of it that was worth anything. Now if he wants to waste the money he earns, it doesn't affect me at all and I like that. I pay all household bills, he buys incidentals and things for himself, when he can pay more he does, if he can't, then I handle it. It took off a lot of stress in our marriage, because now I know where the money I earn is going and control what gets saved and what gets spent. Also by doing this he has a bigger appreciation for how I handled the finances in the past, he thought it was easy and now he sees it can be challenging and time consuming.

Even though I didn't know my husband was bipolar before we married I knew that all things financial were a trigger for him to become paranoid, controlling and complacent about. He has never been a spender but he doesn't have a habit of paying things on time. There was also an issue with his exwife and some confusion over us having the same first and middle name and her info. somehow ending up on my credit report, plus she's been to jail for fraud, so I didn't want to make it easy for that to happen again.

When we married almost 2 years ago I refused to change my last name or join anything financial. Not even taxes. I also refuse to pay anything in his name because he gets paranoid I am not paying it. I also won't take any money from him to work with because in the past he has accused me of not using the money properly. It upsets him and his family but I feel secure. I don't get accused of anything or have to worry about something bad happening to ALL of the money or bills.

Recently, he was put on some medication that made him manic, and I am so glad now that I kept everything separate because I didn't have to worry about something happening to my money for bills and groceries or him doing something crazy like trying to sell my car behind my back (he often says he wants me to sell it) or who knows what!

He also just bought a house, and we just moved in. So he pays the mortgage and the water bill that is in his name. He pays anything in his name. I pay anything in my name, which is all of the other utilities, plus our family YMCA membership. I have also been paying for all of the groceries and household supplies. But since I had a large income drop recently I told him he has to start buying some groceries, so this month he bought about half of them based on a list I text messaged him of what I was not able to buy that we needed.

Post edited by: grace72891, at: 03/29/2012 07:25 PM