I think you should consider him out of your life right now. Move forward as if he will be gone. Think of yourself. What YOU like to do, where YOU would like to see yourself in five, ten, twenty-five years.
We can hold your hand all the way. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Marriedtoit - When they say stuff like this, do they mean it? Is this the untreated bp 1?
04/30/2012 11:23 PM
After ten years, I would think that I deserve one full conversation.
04/30/2012 11:25 PM
Posts: 11099 Group Leader
Erinlove, You should not doubt the times you two had together. You should not doubt your love for him or his for you, before he became unstable.
I know it is not much consolation, but if he is manic, what he says is just all hot air. He might THINK he means it right now, but this could change in a day or a week.
Hold onto the love in your past and DO NOT DOUBT IT. But it might help keep you sane if you consider your loved one now hijacked by an alien.
04/30/2012 11:38 PM
marriedtoit - Thank you. I hope he contacts me one day to talk about what happen, to say say sorry for leaving me with his debt, for not caring about his dog, etc.
Thank you everyone here who has been so supportive. I not only read your replies, I make notes of your advice.
05/01/2012 04:33 AM
Posts: 3176 VIP Member
erinlove, I fully understand what you are going through. I have wondered the same thing about my wife. She was happy, then she was sleeping with another man and telling me how bad our relationship was. She has also done and said some horrible things in the meantime. I even started to doubt that she ever loved me.
But I have been reviewing my past, and talking with friends. I know she loved me. I know what I am hearing now is not the woman I married.
You need to know the same thing. When the manic is in control, it is like a demon is in control of their body. It is not what they truly think.
I also know what you mean about wanting a full conversation. But I have learned the hard way that while they are manic, that will only end up hurting you. They are not rational during that time. They will manipulate the conversation and twist things around.
All we can do is move on.
05/01/2012 10:15 AM
With the help of a mental health worker here, I wrote this last email to my husband:
Your life doesn't have to suck.
But, for things to be different you have to make them different.
You need to get medical treatment and you need to get yourself back to Canada.
You will see your life differently when you are stabilized on the proper medication.
I don't hate you, I love you.
Now, its up to him to contact me. I had many tears this morning. He doesn't have to love me. However, I would think after ten years, I would get one sincere phonecall. I don't know why he wants me to hurt. I didn't do anything to him. I can't see any reason, besides his illness, as to why he wouldn't say something more.
Post edited by: erinlove, at: 05/01/2012 10:18 AM
05/01/2012 10:54 AM
Posts: 1021 Senior Member
Erin. That's a great email.
I hear how much pain you are in. I understand how baffling and unfair this feels.
It's not fair. There's no way to get your mind around it because it's not rational.
Hang in there. Be kind to yourself and focus on your own wellness.
If prayer is something you do you might want to pray for your husband regularly.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It sucks.
Keep posting. We're here for you.
05/01/2012 11:39 AM
Posts: 3900 Group Leader
Erin, he doesnt want to hurt, he doesn't know what he is doing or thinking right now. Don't take it personally even though it is directed at you, I know its hard, but believe me its not worth it, really.
I hope he responds in a positive manner and your prayers are answered.
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