As I stated earlier, I believe even though he may want to come back somewhere deep inside, he is being brainwashed while in Korea, therefore, reassuring him divorcing you is the right thing to do. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
He called me this afternoon. I asked him if he agrees that he has bipolar and he said yes. He also said..."I had a manic episode." However, he says that he is not taking medication right now. I told him that he will feel better if he sees a doctor and takes medication. He agreed that he is not feeling so good. He says that he will go to the hospital next week. He asked me to give him a year to figure out his life, etc.
I think what I really liked about this conversation is that he is admitting again that he had a manic episode and the he agrees that he has bipolar. Now, its up to him to help himself get better.
My grandmother told me to no focus about timelines or were our relationship may go. She said that life is long, to not rush anything...that he needs to ultimately come to terms with his illness.
Post edited by: erinlove, at: 05/04/2012 01:08 AM
05/04/2012 01:01 AM
We managed to talk about a few things that happen in Korea. Also, I had asked him if he remembers thinking that a certain person in the hospital in Canada was a lawyer. He agreed that he thought this and that he realized later he wasn't. I explained to him that our communication has been like this. I am not sure if he will take himself to see a doctor, however...I like the fact that he said that he agrees to his diagnoses, that he had a manic episode, that he will take himself to see a doctor. Maybe I am so nieve, cause even though he may not get the help he needs right away, hearing the acceptance words from his mouth, though he may be still unsure, seems like a positive step forward.
Post edited by: erinlove, at: 05/04/2012 01:04 AM
05/04/2012 01:14 AM
I really appreciate all of you.
Post edited by: erinlove, at: 05/04/2012 01:22 AM
05/04/2012 02:12 AM
Posts: 513 Member
It is definitely a step in the right direction, him admitting to having BP and needing medication. The problem I see is that he could still be manic and just having a lucid moment in between the highs and without being medicated right away, it could go right back to the way he was before that conversation. Please don't think I'm trying to burst your bubble or anything, I'm just speaking from experience and from what I've read others say about the same thing. To only watch them be crushed when the "Dark Side" comes back out. So just arm yourself with that knowledge. And the whole year thing is BS to me, that's only my opinion though. Does he expect you to wait a year for him to "Figure out his life"? Are you supposed to put yours on hold for that year? It just doesn't sit right with me. I AM wishing you the best possible outcome however, no matter which path you choose. Keep us updated and take care of yourself.
05/04/2012 04:41 AM
Posts: 3167 VIP Member
erin, I agree with Hooba. I also thought when they admitted to the mania, they were probably getting better. But found out it was either just a manipulation or as hobba said a small lucid period during the mania. Until they actually seek help and get onto medication, they are not helping themselves or you.
My wife admitted this last weekend that she was manic, and that she has had worse. She said she wanted to seek help with the doctor because she was only getting two hours of drunken sleep a night. Well, she has been at her boyfriends bar even more the last week, and went straight to the bar after her doctor's appointment. I dont know if she had a lucid moment before when she was talking about seeking medication, or if she was just manipulating me. But until she is actually stable, I cant trust a word she says. So I have blocked her on the phone and cut off communication. I know it is hard. The block was mainly for me as it also keeps me from contacting her when I am weak.
05/04/2012 11:12 PM
Posts: 13 Member
My husband left 2 months ago during what i think is part of the depression.. He does not want to go to the doctor to get on meds and says hes not bipolar but told me once the he was told by a doctor that he is. Im so hurt and dont know how to handle all of these emotions. I go into these rageful moments and send him a ton of messages because im so angry he did this. Sometimes i think im the one thats sick but its because of his behavior. This is the second time he leaves, the first time we were separated for a year. I want to let him go and not look back but its so hard. He leaves small connections to me, its almost like its a way or reason to come back, but this isnt the way to live. I want to cut all connections but part of me likes knowing that he has to come back for those things.
How do people deal with the anger and frustration of being with someone with this disease. Its so hard to stay sane in all of this. Im going to counseling but noone really knows what it feels like to go through this. Why do people with bipolar disorder run away and why do they treat"us" this way. We are the ones that are always there for them. He blames me for a lot of whats happened and i need to learn to not listen. I need to move on with my life but dont know how. I dont know how to let go. Im sorry to all of you going through this, its like hell on earth.
05/05/2012 05:03 AM
Posts: 4891 VIP Member
People don't deal well at all with the anger and frustration of being with someone who is not managing their illness appropriately. It is really is hard to stay sane because little our loved ones do makes sense. I'm glad you are going to counseling. This should really help, the counselor can help you to make some decisions and move on--whatever that means. People with bp do these things because their brains are unbalanced, it isn't a choice for them to behave this way, but it is a choice to realize something is wrong and seeing a dr. and taking meds is needed. The blame is something a lot of people go through. Let that roll off, this illness is not your fault. His actions and decisions are not your fault.
I hope you do move on with your life. With him being unwilling to see a dr. and get medication, there really isn't much hope that things will get better. This is an illness, he has to treat it as such if he ever wants to have a life. You can only do what you can control. And that is you. I hope you find a way to navigate through this to find peace.
Post edited by: wifeonbpexpress, at: 05/05/2012 05:04 AM
05/05/2012 11:37 AM
Posts: 3167 VIP Member
Luisa, I know what you are going through. My wife went manic two months ago. She has been drinking heavily and has started sleeping with a guy she met at a bar. She says she wants out of the marriage and I have had to start divorce proceedings. Three months ago we were happily married with no complaints. It just changed over night.
My wife refuses to seek help. She will not stop drinking. She will not stop sleeping with the guy, and she now tells me it is my fault for being opinionated, controlling and materialistic. According to her she just let it build up without saying anything until it exploded as an affair. That is the manic speaking, not my true wife.
But there is nothing I can do about it. I have to move on with the divorce. She effectively locked me out of her treatment plan. I did not know her mania could be this bad or I would not have let her be so private with it.
The short of the long story is that until they seek stability, there is nothing we can do but move on. it is not our fault. The worst part is that because we do love them and want to help them, we become their enemies.
I had to stop communicating with my wife. The she used them to manipulate me or hurt me. Nothing I said to her helped. Loving messages made her mad, and angry messages made her mad. When in another state of mind they are not themselves and do not follow regular logic.
I don't know how to move on either. But I am making it up as I go along. It hurts, and sucks and is soul sucking sometimes. But it is necessary and eventually they will either seek help and we can be there for them again, or we can be in a healthier and happier place ourselves.
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